The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

My son just told me he is gay

I' m just curious how a straight man with a wife wuold be on this site in the 1'st place. just wondering?????
 
hlwdguy said:
I' m just curious how a straight man with a wife wuold be on this site in the 1'st place. just wondering?????
Click to expand...


You managed to steer yourself here, and as he has a brain too, he found this site too. There's nothing curious about it. I think as someone who is willing to mend the bridge with his son, it is commendable that he would seek help here.
 
First, the fact that you came here says that you do truly love your son no matter what. You realize that you were wrong, now your job is to convince your son and wife of it. I can fully understand why your son doesn't want to talk to you. First, you should contact PFLAG and join the local chapter. Second, you should enroll in anger management classes as your violent reaction is never acceptable no matter what someone tells you. My sense is that things were not rosy with your family before this and this may have been the straw that broke the camels back. Third, apologize profusely to your son and wife. Let them know the steps you are taking to change (i.e. joined PFLAG, anger management, joined a gay forum) and that you are willing to attend family counseling. Even if your son and wife don't immediately respond to your efforts, continue with the steps so that you will be in a better place when the finally do respond. Remember that your son had no more choice to be gay than you did over your skin color. Getting people to understand that being gay isn't a choice is the number one problem that the gay community has. Think of this way, why would someone choose to go through all the crap that goes along with being gay. Good luck! I think the fact that you are here gives hope for a successful outcome.
 
I agree with most of the posters here, who have recommended PFLAG, counseling and apologizing.
 
One more thing for the original poster.

I don't know how old your son is - but you might want to take a look at another good site which is there as support for people (male or female) who are coming out.

It is a forum to which we direct people who are underage (no porn).
There are a lot of insights into people (including a lot of young people) and the problems they face in trying to "come out" to family and friends. Reading some of these might help make you understand just how traumatic a process it can be.
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/
There are also quite a few helpful links there (click on "Resources" at the top of the page).
www.e
 
stumpbobby,

I do not have much to add to the great advice you have received on here, except to say that I am also appalled at the severe reaction that you expressed to your son after he came out to you - which as we all personally know is one of the most difficulty things to do. I personally am not out to my father, not that I fear that he would have such a reaction, but I do fear his disapproval and destruction of a wavering distant relationship that we already have. Your son I am sure is extremely traumatized by what happened between you two, and I would not blame him to fear coming out to anyone else in the near future (though I sincerely hope that will not happen). If anything, this story sadly reinforces in me to be careful about who I tell about my sexuality.

Your coming here for support however, was a good first step and it shows you have a reedeming quality and some level of remorse for what you have done. Please know that your son has no choice in the fact that he is gay, as none of us do. How could someone "choose to be gay" want to voluntarily submit themselves to the fear of retailation and scourge that we endure from many who do not understand this life in our society? I do not know your son, but I cannot imagine he is a sadist to want to go through this voluntarily. If anything, I believe he is courageous in having come to you with this (more courageous that I am now). He was gay before he told you and you loved him then, why would that change now?? I hate to display some harsh reality, but God forbid he died tomorrow and you never reconciled with him, could you live with that regret for the rest of your life? And think about how you would hope your son would accept you if YOU were gay? There are many guys even on JUB that are also struggling with that same issue.

It is not too late to fix things with him - he needs your love and acceptance and the first step is to say you are sorry for what you did. The second step is to seek support from other parents who have been there. PFLAG is an organization that will help immensely.

I pray that you will someday be one of those parents who will proudly proclaim that you love your son unconditionally. Allow your good heart to come through and accept your son and love him as you always have.
 
You better apoligize or your son might end up doing to you what I'm doing to my father...
 
Whats with society today? Everyones straight for get to a support group/councling/see a shrink, what happened to people having the inner strength and determination to do things from within themselves?

To the original poster, how old is your son? In my honest opinion you are a disgrace and its people like you who make people like me. Can I ask what is it about homosexuality that offends you so much?
Regardless of your sons sexuality you should be ashamed of your actions. I think you're being very selfish here, you should be their trying to help and support him even if its not within your beliefs. You need to sit down with your son and explain to him that yes his sexuality doesnt go with what you believe however hes still your son and you love him dearly regardless of any choices he makes in life. He will talk to you because hes still your son and he will still love you as his dad. You don't have to fly the rainbow flags alongside him, talk about his sex life or anything like that. Just be his dad, be their for him and show him that you're not going to make an issue over his sexuality.
Your sons not had a choice in his sexuality so don't blame him, you've not had a choice in his sexuality so don't blame yourself either. Get together with you son talk it out and be nothing but open minded, it might go totally against what you believe but please remember its NOT a choice like so many people make it out to be. You didn't choose to be straight and I'm god damn sure he certainly didn't choose to be gay.
However I do think you deserve a pat on the back for having the balls to come here and seek some advice/help this does show how much you care for him and how you want to make things right.

Please try and keep us updated,
Good Luck!
 
bma1983 said:
Your son scrapes up the courage to tell you he's gay and you punch him in the face and throw him out. He's YOUR CHILD!!! YOUR SON!!! You have no idea how hard it is to say the words "I'm gay" to your family, especially your parents. There are some kids who would rather commit suicide than come out. To say you reacted poorly is an understatement.

To tell you to go apologize wouldn't be enough. You need to beg for forgiveness. And mean it. You don't have to like the fact that he's gay. You don't have to think it's right. But he's your child, and you should love him unconditionally.
Click to expand...

:=D: BRAVO!!!

ahh this makes me a lil more afraid to come out to my parents now.
 
I'm skeptical.

If you were really trying to "understand" all of this, why would you punch him in the first place.........

And what's your background for being against homosexuality? Religious reasons? I'd like to know more about you before I offer advice....
 
Just to repeat what others have said, your son did not have a choice in being gay. He has been attracted to guys for a long time most likely and is only now telling you.

So attacking him for being gay is like attacking him for being male. There is really nothing he can do to make you happy here. He can't change. Its your job to try to find a way to make peace within yourself about this. PFLAG can help. Good luck!
 
tpeezy101 said:
ahh this makes me a lil more afraid to come out to my parents now.
Click to expand...
Clearly an unfortunate reality check ... but let's not lose hope!

adam2299 said:
If you were really trying to "understand" all of this, why would you punch him in the first place.........
Click to expand...
His reaction was perhaps instinctive, not to defend him or anything ... the good thing is that he is muddling remorse over his actions.
 
skaterboi said:
Whats with society today? Everyones straight for get to a support group/councling/see a shrink, what happened to people having the inner strength and determination to do things from within themselves?
Click to expand...



There are times when even the strongest person needs a little help. Nothing wrong with that.
 
Provenlogic = Dubious about stump's post being legit, sounds like another poser to me. What was the last made up sob story on the boards that got everyone pissed? Some guy came out and his dad order a hit man to kill him? Sounds like another phoney post to me. *shrugs*
 
Hate to sound bitter but just knowing the hell some of my friends went through... they're better off without you. Your son, your child, had the courage to come out to you and you punch him, and you're wondering why he and yoru wife won't talk to you? What if your wife does something you don't approve of? your other kids? You going to punch them too? Look at the advice everyone else here gave but in my option, if they don't talk or see you again, it won't be much of a loss. Again, sorry if this post is harsh, but I've seen and read too much about "loving" Christian parents to take posts like this
 
I've gotta leave for work in a couple of minutes, but I felt the need to respond. All advice that has been given is good. And the harshness of the other messages is to be expected.

You're against homosexuality. Fair enough. I'm a gay man, who's never had sex with a man or woman. As virgin, how do I know that I'm gay? Because I'm sexually attracted to the same sex, and always have been. So, technically speaking I'm not a homosexual, since I've never had sex. However, I identify as homosexual because of my same-sex attraction. Did I choose to be attracted to the same sex? No. Not at all. Why would I choose to be attracted to members of the same sex? Attraction is in the eye of the beholder. Just as you may not be attracted to large women, women with small breasts, women over the age of 50, etc...your son is not attracted to women in general.

The only choice a gay man makes is whether or not to be true to himself or to submit to social pressures and pretend he's straight. And having known a 50 year old man, who had married, had a couple of children and subsequently had a mental breakdown because he was supressing this part of himself; pretending to be straight should never be considered a viable option.

Just remember that your son never chose to be attracted to the same sex. If you believe in God, then God made your son that way. If you're not a believer, science has documented evidence of homosexuality amongst animals in the state of nature.
 
Now I know why i'll stay in the closet for ever, because of assholes like you who think its ok to punch your own son out because he was looking to you his own father for exceptance. My opinion is this, burn in hell you f*ckin prick...
 
I just hope that anyone who's lurking here who's afraid to come out...

reactions like this one (if it's even real, which is question) are rare.

there is often shock, anger, denial, bartering and tears.

but as long as you stand up for yourself, it's usually a happy ending.
 
Something is nagging at me, like my hunch (which is right like 99.99% of the time) telling me this first post was not legit.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top