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My son just told me he is gay

As I said earlier in the thread, I just somehow know that this post is a fake and all of you are really buying into it. How did a man who is so homophobic come to JUB? A man with that level of homophobia would not be cheking out gay forums in which to make such a post after what he had done. Why did he give out his phone number? Perhaps to get a laugh at your expense.

If this man is real, why has he not responded to anything anyone has said? Again, a joke at your expense.

I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt; however, this just screams fake. The minute that I read it, I knew that it was fake.
 
I remember having just painted the hallway in our house once and having my son (who is now a sophomore in college) come in from outside and promptly put dirty fingerprints down the wall as he made his way to the bathroom. I saw the fingerprints but did not get a chance to say anything to him before going to work. I was sitting and bitching at work when a co-worker noted, "you know, one day you'll paint the wall and it will stay clean; you'll wish that you could see those little fingerprints and realize to whom they belonged."

Now that I am 900 miles from my son and he's a young man at college, I realize how much I miss those fingerprints. You, too, will long for the day that your son talked to you; had the courage and manhood to tell you his inner-most feelings. Obviously by writing here you know that you made a mistake. Now it is up to you to try to rectify that mistake.

I know that your generation (which is also mine) viewed being homosexual as some sort of failure; that they wouldn't have the lifestyle that you wished them to have. It was a reflection of failure on your part; that you did something wrong. Well, after denying for more than 20 years, I made the step to come out a year and a half ago. It was not something that was easy; it was not something that I did without great fear. Your son experienced the same feelings.

Tell him you love him; he may not take your call; he may be hurting. Take the time to write to him -- it is a long lost art that unfortunately is being lost to the internet world. I don't know if you can tell him why you lashed out angrily, but make a point of doing so. Ask him to forgive you and most of all, tell him you love him. I remember reading studying once on something called, "the blessing."

If you go back to biblical times, it was custom that the father would "pass on" a blessing to his son. Failing to do this resulted in great trauma (the story of Isaac and Ishmael comes to mind). I have dealt with young people in classses and programs for many years and over and over, they were looking for the "blessing" of acceptance from their father; your son was no different. He made the courageous step to tell you; you need to respond back.

And then join the groups mentioned; I know you think it is something you did; it is nothing of the sort. It is how he was created.....
 
Staying safely in the closet might seem like an option, but it's tight and suffocating. Nothing will change for us until we move gayly forward. You can't do that unless you're out and proud. Please note that I didn't say obnoxious. Are you better off living miserably living a lie or taking a chance on happiness living the truth. I've made my decision, and I've never once regretted it or tried to un-ring the bell.
 
gabriel1 said:
Something is nagging at me, like my hunch (which is right like 99.99% of the time) telling me this first post was not legit.
Click to expand...

crlcxll said:
As I said earlier in the thread, I just somehow know that this post is a fake and all of you are really buying into it. How did a man who is so homophobic come to JUB? A man with that level of homophobia would not be cheking out gay forums in which to make such a post after what he had done. Why did he give out his phone number? Perhaps to get a laugh at your expense.

If this man is real, why has he not responded to anything anyone has said? Again, a joke at your expense.

I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt; however, this just screams fake. The minute that I read it, I knew that it was fake.
Click to expand...


Heh, didn't i say that too? ;) Every one of my instincts is telling me this thread is based on a fake post and everyone is falling for it. Everything about this guy's post is off. It doesn't make sense. It's fake.
 
Sadly you havn't realised in time just how much strength it took for your son to tell you this, it is one of the most difficult things in a gay mans life...to tell his dad.
Do all you can to talk.....listen...to your son, he is not a criminal and he doesn't have a serious illness......he is only gay..... and he sure needs his dad to be a friend right now. Go after your son.
I pray for a happy ending to this very sad episode.
 
stumpbobby said:
My son just told me he is gay. I reacted poorly by punching him and now he won't speak to me. My wife is upset and left me. I realize this is probably not the best site but I really could use some advice. I have always been against homosexuality and never thought this would happen to one of my sons. You can bash me if you want but I am trying here. How do i get my son to talk to me. i am trying to understand all this but it goes against everything i believe in. Thanks. I could use some good advice.
Click to expand...
I'm not going to bash you. There's been enough of that already.

What do you know about gays and lesbians?
That would be a good place to begin...
 
I aint going to echo alot of what the previous posters said. You heard enough of what they said and I am going to bring up some other stuff.

Speaking as a person who got kicked out of the house when I told my mom. I can tell you this, your relationship with your son isn't going to be great for a while. Even if you do everything right and he "forgives" you he isn't going to trust you for a long while and there will be some emotional distance. This will probally make you feel horrible and scare you, it may even make you feel like "climbing onto the ceiling" due to how nervous you are. You are going to need to learn how to deal with this. It will feel like a void, it will feel like you lost your son. Don't do anything stupid during this time for you will regret it. With time this void will heal once your son learns to trust you again, and that you begin to understand some more.

Also here is a book I recommend

http://www.amazon.com/Now-That-You-Know-Understanding/dp/0156006057

Good Luck. Alot of people here may say how can you have done X, it sucks to be the son, well people it also sucks to be the parent. You can do the it should be X game all you want, thing is we are dealing with what thing actually are and things can suck during these times.

Good Luck, mystery father that I will never meet, I hope the best for you and your son :-)
 
SERIOUSLY, it's like none of you read my post......

THIS GUY IS PLAYING ALL OF YOU FOR FOOLS, DON'T FEED INTO IT.
 
I agree, it feels like a fake. But being honest with the advice doesn't feed anything. I don't think people got too worked up over this. But that's just me. I mean, maybe my instincts are wrong and it isn't a fake. Nothing wrong with giving advice anyway.
 
provenlogic said:
SERIOUSLY, it's like none of you read my post......

THIS GUY IS PLAYING ALL OF YOU FOR FOOLS, DON'T FEED INTO IT.
Click to expand...

Very possible.

But it's not going to hurt to ASSUME it's real.

I think everyone has given great advice. There's nothing else that can be done at this point. If the guy is sincere in what he wrote, hopefully he has come back to read the posts. If he's a jerk yanking our parts, then nothing was really lost in adding comments and advice. Except maybe a few tears picturing some poor kid getting blasted in the face after he tries to put trust into his father. Same thing happened to a friend of mine. He came out to his dad and his dad beat the shit out of him. I pulled him out of there and he came and lived with me at my apartment for a while until he could get a place of his own. His pride was crushed more than his face was.

Physical scars heal. Emotional scars do not.

Not always.
 
I don't give a shit if it's real or fake. Someone shouldn't even have a reaction of punching their own son just because he is gay. It's totally wrong and I think he reacted the wrong way to a situation that could of easily been done differently.
 
If you really love him, you need to love him for who he is, whether you "agree" with his sexual orientation or not.

Punching him in the face (resorting to violence at all) is going to make him hate and resent you. (I know that if my father were alive and he pulled that crap, that would be the last straw) I suggest having a talk with him and tell him that you still love him, even though it may take you some time to get used to the idea.

You have no right at all to do that to your son. He came to you because he thought you'd be able to understand. Realise that it took a lot of inner strength for him to do so. Congratulations, you proved him wrong. Don't be the insensitive prick that you've made yourself out to be.

If you resorted to violence at all, you have some anger issues that you need to deal with. I suggest professional help.
 
For what it's worth, even if the post is fake - we have not wasted our time - at least we developed a good collection of thoughts and advice for those guys looking online that are in a similar situation -- assuming they would not be brave enough to post their own story.

And if it is fake, I do feel sorry for the person who had nothing better to do with their time than to come up with a sordid tale as this :(
 
Indeed, I was about to edit my comment and say that too. Thanks Rican.
 
funny thing is the person who started this thread only made one post. and this is the 60 post to this thread.
 
ummmm, you're wasting your time because you're letting some little punk kid who made this post laugh his ass off at all of you responding to his bogus post. Yes good advice, yes righteous. But playing right into the poster's hands and giving him exactly what he wanted, attention.
 
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