My Story

[radio_fan05]

I'm going to try to keep this short and sweet...

Howdy, everyone. I've been a member here for years and have been more of a looker and not much of a talker, but I figured I would start a bit more now. I am a 21 year old from the midwest. I'm also a senior at a university here in the midwest as well. I have admitted to myself that I am gay, but have not had the guts yet to tell....anyone. It's pretty much getting to the point where I can't take it much longer. I'm also pretty sure that one of my closest friends (also gay) knows that I am. He has alluded to a few things that he "knows more about me than I think", but never said anything official. Anyways, I have less problem telling friends (in fact I want to start telling), especially those I know will be understanding, but my biggest dilemma is I want to tell my mom first. She is fairly open minded, and I think could definitely adjust to this, if she doesn't already know in her heart, but somehow, everytime I think about it, I think it's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do because she is the person I care about the most.

It may sound strange, but I don't want some word to get out, and my mom to hear from some random person...She has done a lot for me in life, and I think it's important to tell her first before anyone else. I'm home for a long weekend, and really hope that I can come out to her tomorrow. I was quite upset tonight about a few different things, one of them including the whole "not being out" issue, but just couldn't tell her. So I'm hoping that tomorrow is the day...but wanted to start here to somewhat get the ball rolling. Since it's anonymous here, I felt I could start here...maybe writing about it will make it easier to verbally start saying it.

So there, that's my story in condensed form (also involves a boy that I'm trying to get over, but that story can be for another time), if anyone has any advice or anything at all, feel free to post or PM...thanks a bunch! I've seen posts similar to this over the years and know how supporting you all are, so that makes this easier to post...thanks a lot!

 

[threetimes]

i admire your courage : )

best wishes.

 

[rareboy]

Go for it... tell your Mom. I'm sure she'll stand right behind you. To be honest, she probably has her suspicions anyway.

 

[tallguy297]

Congratulations Radio...

I'm so glad that you posted and that you poured your heart out... I hope you get some small comfort from not only the courage and determination you found to post but also from your decision to move on with your life with honesty and dignity. Feel proud mate that you want to truthful with your family and friends - thats says a lot about who you are and what you beleive in. Your sentiments are those of a loving loyal and caring person and son. Your values and motives reveal a strong determined and yet considerate guy.

It seems you are really close to your mum...maybe she does sense something... but either way radio, remember that she sees all of you - all the parts that make you up... your sense of humor, your ability to love, the way you talk, the way you care. Shes sees the good and bad...but most of all she sees you... her son. She will most likely be a little shocked...but most of all...she wants you happy. She will want you to be all you can be, she'll want you to be happy and to reach your potential.

Talk to her the way you wrote that amazing post. With sincerity and honesty, be open and don't be afraid to be emotional and share your thoughts and fears. But also show her that you are prepared to live your life happily safely and that you are proud of who you are. Thats what she will worry about most, that you are prepared and happy for what this means.

Find a quiet spot where you wont be interrupted and just talk radio, let the conversation flow and answer her questions if she has any. Explain why you need to tell her and what her support means... what she means.

You'll be fine radio... the way you post says that. Feel proud of yourself who you are and the way you feel, the way you want to live your life. When you lift this burden there will be no stopping you from being all you can be... and that will be worth it!

 

[doglover]

I know from personal experience that telling your mom is the hardest person to tell. I told my mom I was gay when I was 21. And to my surprise my mom told me she already knew. Don't be surprised if your mom hasn't already figured it out also about you. Mom's have a special insight about their children.
Good Luck, and I wish you well.

 

[G-Lexington]

If you think it'd be easier, feel free to talk to your gay friend first. Sometimes it's easier to have someone else in your corner before you talk to a parent. But if you'd rather talk to your mother first, that's cool.

Just remember - the more YOU treat it like it's no big deal, the more likely SHE'll treat it like it's no big deal. If you approach it with sweaty brow, anguished expression, and "I want to tell you something but it's just so awful", she may respond in kind. If you treat it as "I've never actually told you", and state is a factual fait accompli, she'll also be more likely to respond in kind.

Good luck!

Lex

 

[mikeinatl]

I know from personal experience that telling your mom is the hardest person to tell. I told my mom I was gay when I was 21. And to my surprise my mom told me she already knew. Don't be surprised if your mom hasn't already figured it out also about you. Mom's have a special insight about their children.
Good Luck, and I wish you well.

It may definitely turn out that way. Mother's intuition is strong! I want to give this piece of advice - it's one thing to be open minded about homosexuality, it could be a totally different thing to have a gay son.

So if she doesn't respond the way you want, give her a little bit of time. Just remember - you didn't know/accept that you were gay overnight and we can't expect those who love us to know/accept it overnight, either.

But I hope that her reaction pleasantly surprises you. So I agree - tell her! And let us know how it goes! Good luck.

 

[unclaimedblessing]

It's understandable that you have a problem telling your Mom. You love each other very much and you don't want to disappoint her or jeopardize your relationship. No parent hopes for their child to be Gay. Many realize that Gay is a despised minority to many others, and good parents want only the best and safety for their children.
She sounds like a loving, compassionate and intelligent person. Even if she doesn't jump up and down with delight, it sounds like she's the type of person who will accept it in time.
It's so thoughtful that you consider her feeling so importantly. She will understand yours equally well.
Given the right time and the right place, you'll intuitively know when to share with her.

 

[tommyj]

So did u tell her? What happened??

 

[radio_fan05]

Hey all,

Just wanted to post real quick that I just got done with a 2+ hour conversation with my mom...and I can officially say that I am out to one person! Things went well...I gotta go run and do a few things, but I'll brb with the details for anyone that is curious!

 

[Dejajb]

awww congrats radio...everything will be much easier now

 

[radio_fan05]

So here's how it all went down...

I planned on telling my mom this evening sometime...but ended up pushing it off as much as possible. Then around 1am when she was about to get to bed, I just told myself I had to do it now...I was nervous as all hell, and while I was hugging her goodnight, she could tell...and said "What's wrong?" I said "What do you mean?" "Well you're hands are all clammy and you're breathing really hard, and you look nervous". Basically from then on I told her I had something to tell her...my stubborn ways made me close up the walls once again, and I told her I was scared and couldn't...and I shouldn't have said anything...

After about 5 minutes of her saying "Tell me" and me saying "I can't" she just started asking questions....like "are you sick?" "Did you get a girl pregnant?" (HAHA)...and finally "Does it have to do with your sexuality?" Then I shut down and started getting teary eyed...she asked a bit further, and I just nodded and lost it. I cried my eyes out and she got up and pulled me up (I was sitting) and hugged me and kept telling me "It's okay it's okay!!" So after I blubbered "I'm scared" and went from a crying 5 year old back to a 21 year old....we talked openly and honestly about a variety of stuff, including girls she thought I liked in High School, to if I like any guys now, etc etc. Overall though, even though I was skeptical that she was so cool about it, she kept saying that I'm her son, and it didn't matter, she just wants me to be happy. I was so in shock because it felt so surreal that after all the times of playing that moment over in my mind, it actually happened...and it will probably feel surreal when I wake up tomorrow.

Concluding...it couldn't have gone better, I cried....we laughed about a bunch of stuff, even started gossiping who we thought was gay in our lives....hahaha...I've been really stubborn and wouldn't reveal anything to her for a long time, so I think this will improve not only my state of mind but also our relationship...I couldn't be happier. Now for the easy-er part...telling my closer friends.

Finally, THANK YOU to those of you who posted or read over the post and thought about me...I know I don't know any of you yet, but it was a big help hearing all your advice and compliments...so thank you thank you thank you! Til later!

 

[unclaimedblessing]

How wonderful for both of you and it must be quite a relief.
You are a very fortunate young man to have such a loving and understanding Mom. She made one of lifes hurdles easier for you.

 

[najfus]

Congratulations, it sounds like it couldn't have gone better.

 

[G-Lexington]

Well, I guess it could've gone better - you could've spared yourself a long period of agony by simply stating that you're gay. But you certainly couldn't have asked for a better response. If you haven't yet, tell your mom how much ass she kicks.

Oh, and welcome to the other side.

Lex

 

[radio_fan05]

Well, I guess it could've gone better - you could've spared yourself a long period of agony by simply stating that you're gay. But you certainly couldn't have asked for a better response. If you haven't yet, tell your mom how much ass she kicks.

Oh, and welcome to the other side.

Lex

Indeed...she jokingly called me an "idiot" and an "A**hole" for making myself suffer for so long...but yes, I told her I am lucky multiple times...


Thanks for the support!

 

[operafan]

Congrats. No matter how much we should know that it will be okay, sometimes we can't convince ourselves of it. I am happy you were able to make the leap.

 

[rareboy]

Told you so.