My straight friend wrote to me

[ruanyingxiong]

I have been in love with this handsome man for more than ten years until the day I confessed to him 18 months ago. He has been accepting me and sometimes quite entertaining about it. However, my frustration to him has increased more and more and I could not stop. We went to the Gym together and I saw him naked too. He is OK with that but he always state strongly that he will never let any guy touch his manhood. Well, I want to have him so bad. I wrote the email to express how much I want to be with him sexually or I have to end the friendship for my own good. He sent back me this email and called me several times to check what is going on with me. In my email, I said long ago, I wanted to commit suicide because of the hopelessness.

Here is his email. I feel so deep to him. What should I do with this man.

Davidster,
STOP BEING SO HARD ON YOURSELF! Yes...Iam silly sometimes, but giving up life is not the answer to your problems! Dave...our friendship is a nonsexual way with me it is the only way for me! Dave you ever heard about the story that there was 2 friends? They were friends for a long time until they had sex! The sex destroyed their friendship because they entered into a new level in life. After they had some sort of sex they did not speak the same way and their friendship deminished. A true story in life! Everything changes when one person wants something that the other person does not want. Iam telling you this because I wish you can move on with your life. The story was a very close friend of mine...maybe my best friend. The story was not me, but he said it did happen! Dave...I will always love you as a brother in my heart. Brothers don't sleep with each other...unless you live in the south. Just joking! Please just be a good friend with me and if you need help I will help you. Call me later when you need to talk!
All the best,
H.

 

[Kouken]

He basically gave you the friendship card and fairly stated that there will never be more. It sounds like you should just give up on it.

 

[Txgoodoldboy]

Yes, sex changes things. He told you how he feels, you should respect that. If you can't handle that, then stop seeing him. If you feel like you will kill yourself, you need to get help. This guy is willing to go the extra mile for the friendship. It doesn't get any better than that.

 

[ruanyingxiong]

No, long time ago. We are in a very good term of friendship. When he was OK for me to see him naked, I knew that the furthest place I could go. I am very happy with him now. Once I told him that we could do threesome with a girl. He said its OK to do that. However, we have not experienced this.

Once I asked him can I touch his cock for five seconds to get over the feeling. I was so obsessed that time. He said only five seconds that he has to close his eyes and will not see me again. Well, he then joked he will not see me again for five months. I did not go for that because I respected him. But I always joked that he still owes me for that.

Yes, I want to be friend with him but sometimes it is hard. I hope I can handle this kind of friendship.

I am OK and sometimes feel fortunately to have this guy. I wonder that the way he cares so much about me when I am sad. Does he have some "gay" gene. BTW, he is very masculine and fucks women like a stallion. I am not so jealous but I am worry sometimes with his lifestyle and the women he met.

 

[thephoenix]

I mean this in the most sensitive way. Get over yourself!

Dude, this guy is still willing to be your friend even after you ask to touch him in an inappropriate manner. Focus on the friendship. If you truly cared about him you would respect that he cares about you only in a brotherly manner and move on. You wouldn't try to manipulate him by threatening suicide or ending the friendship because you weren't getting what you wanted. You see, he does actually care about you because he took the time to check on you and to spare your feelings and all you can do is wonder about some latent homosexuality he might harbor. Grow up. Get some therapy.

 

[sapien]

He sounds like a keeper. A friend for life.

I'm in a similar situation. Sorta. I've been friends with this guy for two years now. I've liked him from the moment we met, and 2 year later the feelings are just as strong. He's gay, too, but unfortunately for me he doesn't return my feelings. However, I want to stay friends with him (even though it sometimes kills me to see him with others) because he's an asset to my life. Just talking to him and being with him makes me happy and puts me in a good mood. There have been times when I've tried walking away, but I end up feeling dead inside. We have a saying in Spanish:

"Ni contigo ni sin ti tienen mis males remedios: contigo porque me matas; sin ti porque me muero."

TRANSLATION:
"Neither with you nor without you can my ills be remedied: with you because you kill me; without you because I die."

 

[ruanyingxiong]

I mean this in the most sensitive way. Get over yourself!

Dude, this guy is still willing to be your friend even after you ask to touch him in an inappropriate manner. Focus on the friendship. If you truly cared about him you would respect that he cares about you only in a brotherly manner and move on. You wouldn't try to manipulate him by threatening suicide or ending the friendship because you weren't getting what you wanted. You see, he does actually care about you because he took the time to check on you and to spare your feelings and all you can do is wonder about some latent homosexuality he might harbor. Grow up. Get some therapy.

I know that he is straight like an arrow. I am in love with him the way he is. I am start understanding how the straight feels. Being with him I also know so many women. He has told me that he know the differences between how a woman loves him and how a gay loves him. I know he is not gay. But he always joke with me that he is a lesbian. Relax!!! No one needs therapy here.

 

[ruanyingxiong]

He sounds like a keeper. A friend for life.

I'm in a similar situation. Sorta. I've been friends with this guy for two years now. I've liked him from the moment we met, and 2 year later the feelings are just as strong. He's gay, too, but unfortunately for me he doesn't return my feelings. However, I want to stay friends with him (even though it sometimes kills me to see him with others) because he's an asset to my life. Just talking to him and being with him makes me happy and puts me in a good mood. There have been times when I've tried walking away, but I end up feeling dead inside. We have a saying in Spanish:

"Ni contigo ni sin ti tienen mis males remedios: contigo porque me matas; sin ti porque me muero."

TRANSLATION:
"Neither with you nor without you can my ills be remedied: with you because you kill me; without you because I die."

If he is gay, I don't see why you cannot be with him. My guy is straight like an arrow by nature. It is most difficult part to overcome. I wish you the best. I know with your love, patience, and compassion, he will return your love.

For some reason, I believe my straight friend loves me (not sexually), but he cares, he talks to me. I could not want more than that when I read his email. But I still wonder why can he be gay for one night in his life. I know, it might never happen.

 

[Telstra]

his email said very clearly,
he is your friend with NO sex.

 

[Caaake]

That was a really nice email, he didn't shut you out, he let you know he's there for you. What a friend that when you spill your heart to him, he's there with open arms still to help you out. This is great. I'm sure you'll find someone who will feel the same way about you.

 

[mattad]

You are going to destroy this friendship. He is not going to cave in and give you what you want. Back off, tell him you are sorry, and go out and fixate on something more realistic before you loose him completely.

 

[ruanyingxiong]

You are going to destroy this friendship. He is not going to cave in and give you what you want. Back off, tell him you are sorry, and go out and fixate on something more realistic before you loose him completely.

I did call him and say sorry. He is OK and we are talking again like nothing happens. Well, he then asked me how one day I am straight and one day I am so gay. I asked him why can't he be gay for one day to make my life easier. He seems a very understanding person and I start realizing about the straight people.

 

[Gomaki]

Wow, you should be so lucky that he is so understanding. You have a good friend, but if he thinks a sexual thing would ruin that, you should respect it. Just enjoy his friendship!

 

[Master Bates]

I don't really have anything to add. I agree with what most here have typed. You are VERY lucky this guy is so understanding. He obviously values your friendship and loves you. But in a strictly Platonic way. You can't help how you feel, but you can not change the way he feels. If you continue to put pressure on him, you will eventually tear your friendship apart. If you truly value your friendship, you will learn to accept your relationship for what it is.

 

[ruanyingxiong]

I called him this morning and we talked about family and politic... Yes, he is a strong republican supporter. Anyway, we were teasing each other but I knew where to stop because when he started talking about girls and the bars , it turned me on again.

I wonder if this is called love. He said he loves me always (like a brother). I think he still believes that he can convert me to a straight guy. Sometimes, in a middle of the conversation, he said I sound like a straight now. I told him never than I correct myself again. I am so confused of being odd on the subject. However, he has brought so much knowledge and culture into me.

He is a Latino, very friendly and romantic even in friendship. I wonder if many Latino men have this kind of character.

 

[Brandus]

You are being selfish by wanting to have sex with him because it is clearly not what he wants. Imagine if you were best friends with a girl who one day said the friendship is over unless you have sex with her. Not only is she throwing away a friendship for her own selfish lusts but she is disrespecting you because she knows you are gay.

 

[GoodbyeSobriety]

Relax!!! No one needs therapy here.

Dude, anyone threatening suicide because he cannot get the man he loves needs therapy.

Honestly, you have got to get over this guy and move on. You need to respect his terms of not wanting to sexually hook up with another guy, and give it up already.

I'm sorry, but this is a pathetic thread. Where are all the men lately?

 

[ruanyingxiong]

Dude, anyone threatening suicide because he cannot get the man he loves needs therapy.

Honestly, you have got to get over this guy and move on. You need to respect his terms of not wanting to sexually hook up with another guy, and give it up already.

I'm sorry, but this is a pathetic thread. Where are all the men lately?

I did not threat him about suicide at all. I told him long ago I wanted to die because of the hopelessness. I wanted to end the relationship for my own good. I just want to be honest with him. The bottom line is I love him not to harm him or anything. I believe because of my honest and sincerity he sees me as difference from other friends. I think because I am an Asian in love with some thing very imposssible and the way I have conducted myself. He is comfortable with that.

I know the limit but we are best friend as always. I just want him to know his friend's problem. Why it is so difficult for some of you to understand this passion. I don't lie and hide myself with him. Thank God, he is not homophobic. However, he opposes the gay marriage.

 

[ManticoreX5327]

I know it's hard, but you need to find someone who will love you the way you love him. He will NEVER want you as a boyfriend or a fuck buddy. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll stop feeling crappy about it. He sounds very caring and understanding. Why can't you just treat him like a gay guy you met at a bar who isn't interested? You'd leave a guy who rejected you alone--at least I hope you would. I went to an all guys' high school and was in love with so many of my friends who are straight. It hurt so bad every day, and the only thing that can alleviate that pain is to find love elsewhere. Would you fuck a girlfriend who was so buck ass crazy in love with you? Probably not. Unless you're bi. You're only seeing it from your point of view. Look at it from his and how uncomfortable you make him when you talk to him about something he can't give you. He sounds like a great friend, and I would love to have such a person in my life. Be thankful for what you have and get your sexin' at the bath houses or gym like every other gay man. Get lifelong compassion and friendship from your friend.

 

[Kulindahr]

Manticore's post says it all well: look at it from his point of view.