My Weird Crush Situation

[SexyLion514]

So I have this crush on a straight guy. It's not just lust, there's definitely attachment and admiration and stuff. You know, proper feelings. The annoying thing is that I think he kind of started it or exacerbated it with his flirting. He flirts as a joke. I've developed a real annoyance towards straight guys flirting jokingly with me because of this. Of course, when I'm there in a class with him, I can't get enough of it. I tell him not to because I know he shouldn't but I can't help liking it because it makes me feel like I have a chance.
I decided not to tell him because it will make things awkward. But now I'm worried he knows or is at least mildly suspicious. He's been noticing me playing under-the-table leg games with him, and recently objected. Although he acted like it was just annoying, and accepted my explanation it was payback for his flirting joke, I'm worried since he knows I'm gay he's put two and two together by now. How would I best deal with that considering the circumstances? Friends have advised me I might want to see him less for a time to avoid giving clingy impressions. For example: I sit next to him in class now since I got feelings for him, should I stop for a bit? It would also mean less exposure to him which might prevent me going back into my earlier torn-up state I went through over this. I mean, I'm really not experienced with romance. I'd love advice on any aspect of this. I don't know.

 

[rareboy]

Back the fuck off and just ignore him.

Find a guy that really wants to fuck you and forget about the straight guys who don't.

 

[SexyLion514]

Back the fuck off and just ignore him.

Find a guy that really wants to fuck you and forget about the straight guys who don't.

"Back the fuck off". I didn't say I was coming on to him. I said I was worried I was giving things away. The foot-sex stuff may sound obvious but I think we're both weird enough that it's possible he genuinely doesn't realize the other reason why I was doing it. This is the kind of guy that might throw an organ during biology dissection or light something on fire. He was a very mischievous, audacious sense of humour. It's why he flirted in the first place. And to clarify; I'm already friends with him. He might well think I've been paying more attention to him because I just enjoy talking to him, which I do, he's a very interesting person.
"Find a guy that really want to fuck you and forget about the straight guys who don't." I didn't say I was considering trying to get with him. Of course, that's impossible. I'm asking how to deal with situation and some of the weird things that have come up in it.

 

[rareboy]

And I still say...'Back the Fuck off'

I didn't say you were raping him.

Just leave him alone and move on.

Been there. Done that. Got the heartbreak t-shirt.

 

[SexyLion514]

Again, this isn't about if I should try to get with him. This about how to manage the situation. Unless you're saying I should try the don't talk to him for a bit strategy? It doesn't like it, but I don't know. Could you clarify what "leave him alone" means?

 

[rareboy]

I mean exactly that. Just give him space. Make it clear that you can be cool around him and not like some clingy, pressing 14 year old chick.

The moment he gave you the 'back off' sign is when you should take the hint and realize that his cock isn't going to end up in your mouth.

We've all been there.

 

[SexyLion514]

Okay, so you agree with my friends. I need to try to reduce the signals I'm giving off in order to preserve the friendship. Good.

 

[SexyLion514]

Anyone else?

 

[eastofeden]

Change the imagery in your head. Instead of feeding the one animal you are feeding now inside of you..change channels and start feeding another animal...

The other animal..picture him in a tutu with a huge smelly nasty vagina and stinky nylons ...and he wants you to eat him about and suck on his smelly toes which are painted but have dirt under them....

That is just an example but use your own..whatever grosses you out...rareboy is right..I am just giving you a fun way to get past it....

I used this method to "de-crush" one of my bar backs when he got all moony eyed about someone. I would pick him up in the air and whisper gross stuff in his ear and he would start screaming and threatening to throw up....

It works...

 

[SexyLion514]

Change the imagery in your head. Instead of feeding the one animal you are feeding now inside of you..change channels and start feeding another animal...

The other animal..picture him in a tutu with a huge smelly nasty vagina and stinky nylons ...and he wants you to eat him about and suck on his smelly toes which are painted but have dirt under them....

That is just an example but use your own..whatever grosses you out...rareboy is right..I am just giving you a fun way to get past it....

I used this method to "de-crush" one of my bar backs when he got all moony eyed about someone. I would pick him up in the air and whisper gross stuff in his ear and he would start screaming and threatening to throw up....

It works...

I think I'm already on track for de-crushing, although I'm on holidays currently so maybe the distance is helping me stop thinking about it. Do you have any suggestions on how not to send signals? Other than the obvious of don't do flirty/sex/lovey stuff. I'm talking subtleties.

 

[SexyLion514]

Also, um, what's a bar back?

 

[USEDCAR]

Also, um, what's a bar back?

Someone who works in the back of the bar they restock the bar area,washes the cups and dishes,serve food clean bathrooms. Help out with light drinks etc. Acts like an bouncer. It sucks the two local bars i hang out at has sexy bar backs. One is a red head sexy and a nice ass.


I would just change my seat in the class and just ignore/avoid him.

 

[eastofeden]

I think I'm already on track for de-crushing, although I'm on holidays currently so maybe the distance is helping me stop thinking about it. Do you have any suggestions on how not to send signals? Other than the obvious of don't do flirty/sex/lovey stuff. I'm talking subtleties.

I had an epiphany once about crushes....and it was eye opening. Thing is..I worked in a busy gay nightclub for 20 years and in addition to the guys who hung around with crushes on me ..waiting to build a white picket fence...none of whom I was interested in as partners or even for sex but they were nice guys...and then there were the guys I had a crush on who were usually assholes that I made into what I wanted them to be instead....

...I had my hands full....

...and when I broke up with this abusive asshole I was with and instead of acting like a victim like most people do..I took a week and contemplated..used my spiritual beliefs...and decided to own my shit instead of playing the victim which meant owning the fact that I was only attracted to assholes for "love"...and I knew he was an asshole and ignored all of it...and I had plenty of nice guys a lot of guys would kill to have interested in them and I wanted no part of them (YAWN)...so basically I made my own bed...I was so NOT a victim....

..and so my crush thing began again...and much to my surprise...the guy I was crushing on hard was ...uh...A CARBON COBY OF THE ABUSIVE FUCKER I JUST BROKE UP WITH...and I wanted to throw up...I didnt' even see it for a couple of weeks and it was so fucking obvious...it scared me...like where the fuck did I go???...and di I lern nothing???

So...I started to take a good look at the guys I had a crush on and lo and behold..in addition to consuming my energy when they walked through the door and turning myself into some twisted fucking schoolgirl from hell...I noticed I lied to myself about each and every one of them..and then I realized that most of the guys I knew who had crushes on guys all the time ALSO told themselves lies about the guys THEY had a crush on...

So...I decided to free myself..and all of them too (that didn't go so well)...but I DID free myself using one of the simplest things on the planet....the truth. I told myself the truth about them..and me...and you know what they say..the truth will set you free....

...and that is my honest answer...and I know it works..with just a little bit of effort....

So..take a good look at him..get your head out of the clouds..tell yourself the truth...it is all you need to do....

..and realize energy is like money...and how much do you want to waste on this guy?

Also, um, what's a bar back?

My slave <insert evil grin>

 

[HornyJock]

Just be careful, that's all I am saying.
There is a big difference between joking and taking the piss.

Does it flirt with you openly in front of other people?
If that's the case he is just taking the piss and should tell him to fuck off.
Stay away from him, it is going to end in tears.

 

[rareboy]

I DID free myself using one of the simplest things on the planet....the truth. I told myself the truth about them..and me...and you know what they say..the truth will set you free....

...and that is my honest answer...and I know it works..with just a little bit of effort....

So..take a good look at him..get your head out of the clouds..tell yourself the truth...it is all you need to do....

..and realize energy is like money...and how much do you want to waste on this guy?

It is this simple.

 

[SexyLion514]

Seriously people, I already said, I'm not asking if I should pursue him. I never thought that was feasible. I did say he was straight in the first sentence and I said the flirting was a joke. I'm asking about how to deal with the situation. And how to ensure I don't end up making it awkward or something. I have had other opinions but I want to add some more. He is my friend, and having feelings is problematic for that situation so t needs to be delicate I think. That is what I'm talking about. Now please stop telling me not to go after him. I know.

 

[NotHardUp1]

You cannot handle close contact. Gravitate away.

The joking is partly due to your age. Adults really don't banter about sex all the time among co-workers or casual peers. Your are most likely categorized generally debauched joking as flirting.

Even if there is acting out or directed action/remark toward you as an out gay, it may not be actual flirting, but mere outlandish behavior.

Your object of desire has clearly indicated he doesn't welcome your affection. Don't let yourself tell yourself that he is the only one for you or that you cannot find love elsewhere. Break the spell.

 

[SexyLion514]

You cannot handle close contact. Gravitate away.

The joking is partly due to your age. Adults really don't banter about sex all the time among co-workers or casual peers. Your are most likely categorized generally debauched joking as flirting.

Even if there is acting out or directed action/remark toward you as an out gay, it may not be actual flirting, but mere outlandish behavior.

Your object of desire has clearly indicated he doesn't welcome your affection. Don't let yourself tell yourself that he is the only one for you or that you cannot find love elsewhere. Break the spell.

Well, technically eighteen is adult, but I know what you mean. And for millionth time, I get it. I know confirmed he's straight. The flirting a joke. I used joking as an excuse to outlet my feelings. I shouldn't do it anymore.
I'm not in love by the way. I said there were notable romantic elements beyond just, but I didn't mean I'm crazy about him
And I'm asking for advice on how to behave in situation. You guys aren't really giving that. Please move on from the standard straight guy crush lecture, I already knew before any of you said it

 

[NotHardUp1]

Stop beating yourself up over it. The heart in entitled to its mistakes.

And we HAVE given you advice on how to handle it. Get away from it. Don't sit near him. Don't joke with him. Don't fantasize about him skullfucking you. Don't kid yourself about harboring hope. Find a new circle of friends. Date yourself away from him.

 

[sixthson]

Treat him the same way you would treat any other friend. That means boundaries. You aren't in their laps all the time, so don't be in his. You have to ask yourself how you will respond to him if he says or does something that you perceive as flirtatious. Is it going to trigger more of the behavior that has gotten you into this place or do you have the strength to ignore it? You have to decide in advance how you are going to react. And you have to learn from this situation, because you will have feelings for another guy one day, too.
We can't give you all the answers, you need to work out many things on your own. Live and learn, Lion.