My wife hid The Advocate

[rareboy]

She’s embarrassed that she’s married to a guy who’s attracted to other men.

Will she ever be proud of who I am? Will she ever be proud to let her neighbors, friends, and relatives know that her husband is gay? Or will she always try to hide The Advocate?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

If I were a straight woman, I sure as hell wouldn't be proud that the guy I had married was a homo. I would be embarassed that the guy I thought was mine forever turned out to have a thing for fucking other guys.

And that I am not first and foremost in his life.

I think you are selfish and egotistical.

If she was uncomfortable with leaving the Advocate on the table, you should have said, "Gee, Hun, I understand completely and my sexuality isn't the focus of our dinner with Marty, so I'll just put that away."

 

[smaq44]

I hope she knows that you would stand by her, but also that you would just as courageously stand aside if she were to find someone with whom she could have that kind of connection. Having given yourself the gift of honesty about who you are, it would be important for her to reflect with equal honesty that she's straight. And a straight woman often needs a connection with a straight man.

We've gotten this far by (1) continually evolving as persons, and (2) by recognizing that our relationship continues to evolve. An essential component of that evolution, at both levels, has been ever-growing honesty. All options are always on the table: separation, divorce, open-relationship, whatever. We've worked out a contingency budget (I would continue to provide the same monetary and emotional support as long as she wanted it), and we've identified separate living accommodations, should that be the way things go. Right now, we both feel there are more positives than negatives in continuing the relationship we have.

It's complicated, but in many ways we feel we were meant for each other.

Thanks for your feedback. Your points are well taken and strike deep into my heart and soul.

Mac

 

[recuerdeme]

No. No. Yes.

If either of you had any sense you would stop the charade.

 

[rareboy]

It's complicated, but in many ways we feel we were meant for each other.

Right.

And yet you're throwing a hissy because your wife is uncomfortable with the idea of you leaving the Advocate on your coffee table.

The two of you have more problems than you'll ever be able to solve by boohooing on these boards because she just doesn't throw a parade for her homosexual partner.

I'd suggest some real professional counselling to explore this co-dependent relationship you are in. If after you've been honest with a therapist, you both think that your marriage is sound, then you will be able to move on from there. At this stage, I think you're not being really honest with each other.

And that makes your realtionship a sham.