"Nap" buddy??? Tell me what you think...

[trawler69]

I think Rareboy has hit the nail on the head. Probably he is falling in love with you and is afraid of your reaction. I think all you can do is to assure him of your friendship no matter what, that you won't be weirded out by any revelations. It is a difficult time for him, try and be supportive.

 

[Blueboy369]

He's in love with you. Stop denying it!

 

[chrisdobro]

bad boy !! Have you been trying to contact him ?

he's telling you what I've mentioned before... he needs his space now.

It does look like he has feelings towards you. If he didn't, what else would be his problem ? In pure friendship usually he will run to you for advice with whatever his situation is. Exclusion is if his situation is really bad. Like if police/government is involved into his family stuff, he may tend to clam up and not talk to anybody about it.

On the other side ... imagine you're falling in love and napping with someone in the same bad, and you want that person so bad .. so bad.. And all that other person is doing is being friends and unwittingly "teasing" you by being in the same bed and cuddling ! But never more... Ouchie. It can get very hard and if he's taking a break and creating distance, this may be the reason why.

 

[Adam2299]

^
UGH

Ok, if he really does "love" me and that's what's really going on, my life is totally fucked and that's putting it mildly. I don't want him as a boyfriend I honestly don't. Plus we see each other all the time b/c he's in the majority of my classes. Plus it would just make everything so weird....

He sat by me today in our bio lecture like he always does, but he was just totally silent the whole time and left without saying goodbye.

I don't know what the hell to do but I'm officially freaking the fuck out.

 

[MindBlast]

Ok, I'm copying and pasting this directly from the email he just sent me:

"I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you but I cant talk about it. I’m sorry I’m being an asshole to you, but I cant help it. right now it’s just really hard to see you for reasons that I cant get into. I swear you didn’t do anything wrong. Its my problem. but I’m literally going through hell right now, and I don’t want to tell you why b.c you will be weirded out and you wont even want to be friends with me anymore… just trust me. I just need some time away for a while. You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m being 100% truthful. You did absolutely nothing wrong, ok? I don’t want to ruin our friendship and if I tell you what's wrong then our friendship will be ruined. I just need you to not talk to me right now. I’ll talk to you when I’m ready. Sorry for everything."


ughhhhhhhhhh

He might have just as well said, "I'M IN LOVE YOU WITH YOU!!" in big flashing neon letters.


Problem A) You are afraid of change.

Problem B) Your fear of change is ripping your buddy to shreds.

Problem C) It hurts him even more because it's something so close to happening, but doesn't, because of ONE statement that you made.

Problem D) Things CANNOT stay the way they are now. You can't go back to the way things were because he's developed feelings for you. Your hand is being forced.


I suggest that if it's possible for you to care about him the same way he cares about you, you do something ASAP.

 

[waynemm]

Adam, I can fairly closely relate to you, as I've been in similar situations.

Does it HAVE to be weird if he tells you? I've confessed my love to different people, and (naturally) the feelings weren't returned in that way, but on two occasions we've decided to not let it get weird between us. And it didn't. I had to make some adjustments, and keep my feelings in check on the one occasion, but I'm still very good friends with both people.

The one friend was a girl (I thought God would "cure" me if I dated this stunning girl. If He did, I would still wanna date her!! ), and the other was a guy. Naturally the girl was easier to keep my feelings in check, the guy a bit more difficult. But we made it work.

I've been on the receiving end as well - a girl confessing her undying love to me after we've been friends for many years. And again, we've made the decision that our friendship was too important to let things get weird. Today she's one of my best friends, and an amazing support in difficult times. That said, she doesn't *know* yet...

I would say, just let your friend know that no matter what, your friendship is too important to you to let anything come between it. Even though you might not reciprocate, you will at least hear out everything and then take it one step at a time.

What's happening is now isn't "saving" the friendship - it's still in a way slowly destroying the friendship, instead of "killing" it off cold turkey with the news. Bottom line is, both methods are destroying what you have right now.

Good luck bud!!!

 

[Adam2299]

So, again, why not?

Because.... ok, this might sound snobby but I'm just not attracted to him in "that" way. I admit that he is an attractive person - not ugly by any means. But... I just don't have the desire to kiss him or anything like that.... I just don't. I like things how they are and don't want them to change.

 

[Piquechampion]

Okay, this will sound kinda harsh, but man, Shit or get off the pot...
He sounds like a true keeper. Do you realize how many men in here would want to be in your shoes?

Anyways, whatever you decide,
Good luck

 

[Adam2299]

02 - thanks a lot, that's actually really good advice. I guess I do have a lot of thinking to do... the problem right now is the fact that I'm just assuming ALL of this, b/c he hasn't even told me he actually has feelings for me yet... I guess my mind is sort of running rampant thinking about all the possibilities of what could be going through his mind right now.

But yea, I'll definitely think about it. Thanks.

 

[Blueboy369]

Soon he will be cuddling up and kissing some OTHER boy. Experimenting with someone else. confiding in someone else. Is that OK with you?
On the other hand, if you're not really feeling him there should be some distance between you.

 

[Roland00]

Because.... ok, this might sound snobby but I'm just not attracted to him in "that" way. I admit that he is an attractive person - not ugly by any means. But... I just don't have the desire to kiss him or anything like that.... I just don't. I like things how they are and don't want them to change.

Is he very much like you in personality or is he the complimentary opposite type of guy?

 

[texan_slant]

Don't forget - the issue that he is dealing with could be ANYTHING.

He's also given you a half-explanation that it is nothing that you did wrong and obviously he considers you a great friend - something the he clearly treasures and doesn't want to ruin. Give him the space that he needs, and I am sure that he'll come to you when/if he's ready. The best thing that you could ever do is respect that, be available when he reaches out, and listen good whenever he spills the beans.

 

[Adam2299]

Is he very much like you in personality or is he the complimentary opposite type of guy?

Um, sort of both I guess you could say. We're interested in similar things (as far as our career goals are concerned) but we both have really strong personalities. He's a little more shy and I'm more outgoing. I guess we compliment each other in that way.

Why do you ask?

 

[Roland00]

Um, sort of both I guess you could say. We're interested in similar things (as far as our career goals are concerned) but we both have really strong personalities. He's a little more shy and I'm more outgoing. I guess we compliment each other in that way.

Why do you ask?

I don't want to know if you share similar interests, I want to know what is your personality like. How do you think? How do you process information? What gives you energy? How do you approach the problem initially?

Pick the best option for you out of these choices
1)
a) Mostly spontaneous and like having lots of options for you afraid of being locked down? You rather not make a decision for once you do you are stuck. You like being "free." Flexible and spontaneous thinking, always changing looking at the world from new angles.
b) Mostly procedural and like having lots of options but always pick a primary option first for your mind can't deal with too much uncertainty. You can always adapt later if your primary option isn't the best one. Planned and Organized in your thinking process (I am not saying your room is clean I am talking thinking process) Step by step thinking style

2)
a) are you mostly empathatic and think about your feelings primary, then rationality?
b) are you mostly rational first in thinking, you have feelings but you do what is logical first?

3)
a) are you extroverted? Does being around people give you energy? Are your best thoughts occur when you can build off other people? You love parties and other high energy events? These events give you energy like they are charging your batteries?
b) are you introverted? Do you need times to yourself to process information. You go in a group get information and then need to be alone to build it into something useful? Does high energy events cause you to short circuit after a while, in other words you can do an hour or maybe a day of such things but after that you need time to yourself or just limited amount of people so you can recharge your batteries for such events drain you?

4)
a) are you mostly cerebal? Do you think with your mind first and then act. You connect theoretical patterns real well with your mind. You can make innutive jumps real well. You handle abstract concepts real well and see how they relate to the world around you. You live in the world of your mind
b) are you mostly sensual (not as in sex but in as the five senses), the world you know is the one you can percieve with your senses. Someone going on about abstract concepts bore you, you rather deal with the immediate world, a world that you are always touching and aware of, this is the world there is nothing else?

Write the answers down, forget about them, now ask the same questions but try to guess what your friend would answer.

After you got both your answers and his tell me how did you answer 1-4, and how would you guess your friend would answer 1-4.

---------------------------

I ask for we are often attracted to people who are similar to us, but are at the same time very different. They see the world in a different light and thus they excite us, compliment us, gives inspiration, and in general fun.

Pretty much what I am asking, is he very much like you to the point its like he is you but with slight differences, or is he similar to you yet at the same time very different. You may be different than him, yet at the same time you are similar, thus it justs works.

I am trying to guess are you attracted to him but you have destroyed any possibility of relationship in your mind for fear of losing the great thing you got. Or are you the type of people who could be very good friends, cousins, brothers etc, but never lovers, partners, soul mates, boyfriend material

 

[Adam2299]

Sooooooooooooo

Today he finally told me he has feelings for me and I told him I needed some time to think about things. We basically spent all day together (and he's coming over later). The thing is... I really do have feelings for him too. For some reason I'm really hesitant to start a relationship with him even though I have absolutely no valid reason not to.... I mean, we're basically already IN a relationship, just without the sex...

I just know I'm going to have a huge problem letting go of my weird attachment/sex issues... I don't think I've ever cared about anyone as much as him. It scares me b/c if it doesn't work out then I'm going to lose one of my best friends in the entire world...

To be perfectly honest, I don't know if I even love myself enough to love someone else right now, if that makes sense.

Ugh. I'm pathetic.

 

[digitaldude5]

Wow... I wish I had a situation like yours... The best I can come to is a potential boyfriend that has some issues with communication, and a bicurious guy who only wants me to suck him off.

My advice - take a chance... If you're meant to be more than a friendship, this will be the chance. If you're meant for mere friendship, by the sounds of it you'll be able to bounce back from this if it should go sour.

Either way... All the best luck.

 

[Blueboy369]

I'm so happy for you guys. I know that you are hesitant. Tell him that you want to take this really slow, let things happen naturally. The point is this, you care for him and he cares for you. Enjoy yourselves and don't take everything so seriously (don't over think it). Congrats!

Blueboy369.

 

[looseliam]

Don't think for a moment that you two must rush into things.

Take it very slow. And let him know that you wish to take it slow.

Enjoy each other's company, just now with a but more intimacy.

"Nice and easy does it, every time."

 

[Kulindahr]

To be perfectly honest, I don't know if I even love myself enough to love someone else right now, if that makes sense.

It makes perfect sense. Loving someone else frequently requires that we see ourselves as lovable.

Let him love you -- it could rekindle what you need.

 

[Roland00]

It scares me b/c if it doesn't work out then I'm going to lose one of my best friends in the entire world...

To be perfectly honest, I don't know if I even love myself enough to love someone else right now, if that makes sense.

Ugh. I'm pathetic.

No you are not, you are just afraid. Fear happens to everybody, it is what you do with the fear that determines if you are pathetic or not.

The greatest thing is life is to be loved and to love in return. You have someone who loves you, why does that scare you so much? Take a chance you may learn that you are lovable.

The above posters have given you some good advice.

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Oh just one thing, your friend loves you, there is no going back he can't suddenly unlove you and pretend things are what they were before he loved you. You may lose him if you don't do anything for you are afraid of doing something. It is called mix signals, and it can destroy a relationship.