Need a safe place for a gay conservative

[Rolyo85]

I myself was raised in a straight family with straight views. Growing up, I had a lot of straight friends. I still suck dick though. And I swallow ^_^

Nuff said.

 

[JayQueer]

I'm sorry if you already answered this, but are you a student at the current time?

If you've graduated what are your future plans?

I totally understand why you'd want to live at home, but it sounds like a toxic environment. I'd work on saving up and moving out or completing school and then saving up and moving out if I were you.

If you really want to find a guy that can take care of you, they are out there, but just be aware that when there's that kind of inequality in the relationship usually you aren't treated as an equal.

Yes, I am currently a full-time student at a college.

I want to move out after I finish school, but in this current economy exacerbated by Obama's failed economic policies, who knows if I'll even find a job for a while.

I think I'm interested in work that serves the common good. I have a deep appreciation for the military and I want to somehow help veterans & our Active Duty personnel. They have sacrificed so much for our country, and yet so often they aren't even appreciated for their efforts. I was about to go on a date with a man, and we were talking on the phone. We were having a random conversation about current events, and he told me how much he hated the military & conservatives! That was a deal-breaker for me right then.

It would be my dream to marry a military man or a recent veteran. Hopefully now that DADT has been repealed, it might make it slightly easier for me to find one.

(Pssst...........TexPatriot.......you there? )

 

[Rolyo85]

I want to move out after I finish school, but in this current economy exacerbated by Obama's failed economic policies, who knows if I'll even find a job for a while.

God, you are SO annoying

I mean, having political views is one thing, but diarrheaing them in your every post in a forum about coming out and relationships makes you sound like a political cartoon.

Can somebody please lock this topic?!

 

[willie metcaffe]

Yes, I am currently a full-time student at a college.

I want to move out after I finish school, but in this current economy exacerbated by Obama's failed economic policies, who knows if I'll even find a job for a while.

I think I'm interested in work that serves the common good. I have a deep appreciation for the military and I want to somehow help veterans & our active duty personnel. They have sacrificed so much for our country, and yet so often they aren't even appreciated for their efforts. I was about to go on a date with a man, and we were talking on the phone. We were having a random conversation about current events, and he told me how much he hated the military & conservatives! That was a deal-breaker for me right then.

It's up to you whom you date, but I see an opportunity lost. You could have communicated your values to this gentleman who might have ultimately respected yours, if you had given him a chance. Also perhaps he would not have been so eager to learn of your Obama bashing either. Or maybe through a discussion he would have understood yr pov. And since you are bringing up politics in this zone, please do remember, it was out of control capitalism that started this mess. During the thankful close of the Bush administration.

As for helping military folk, I say get right on that. There are volunteers needed locally for helping vets in need. Do or participate in fund raisers yourself. Or visit vets who are recuperating for example.

Plus I do get that being a full time student is a difficult time emotionally and financially. In anyone's political world, some money and self-worth are required. So I hope that your college career is successful and that you find a job worthy of your talents.

 

[altlover85]

Yes, I am currently a full-time student at a college.

I want to move out after I finish school, but in this current economy exacerbated by Obama's failed economic policies, who knows if I'll even find a job for a while.

Ok, so I would say focus on your studies, make sure you're doing internships so that you have real connections when you're out of school. Hopefully those connections will lead to a job. Also if you have the chance, try and do either a job or volunteer work during your summer breaks because it'll get yourself out there. Even volunteering a few hours a week can give you a new contact and maybe even some friends.

One thing I do hope is that when you're in normal conversations with people you aren't throwing politics into every interaction because that can turn people off regardless of whether or not they are gay or straight and liberal or conservative.

Good luck!

 

[palbert]

How old are you? Seriously.

It sounds like you want a gated commuity restricted to closeted gay conservatives, i.e., a ghetto. The only place you'll find that is The House of Represetatives.

What makes you so afraid of day-to-day social interaction?

How can you be so non-searching for what is true for you? Your writing shouts out that you don't yet have the life experience to justify calling yourself a conservative; what you have as argumentative support is your family's leanings, and "what Daddy said" may not last very long in a sincere discussion.

I do not believe you will find life without consequence. But you seem pretty far removed from what I'd call life anyway.

And cancelling a date over the other's political views is a little too afraid of life, at least in my book.

 

[TX-Beau]

...I was about to go on a date with a man, and we were talking on the phone. We were having a random conversation about current events, and he told me how much he hated the military & conservatives! That was a deal-breaker for me right then...

So once again you who complain ad nauseum about people not liking you for your political beliefs are quite happy to dislike someone else for theirs.

You know JayQueer, it's not your politics - such as they are - that get you the reactions you get. It's in large part the hypocrisy with which you apply them.

You're not really all that political anyway, you just repeat Republican talking points and have not once actually engaged in a debate about anything you regurgitated out of the right wing echo chamber.

You make a lot of excuses about why you can't move out, why it's impossible for you to do x or y - but you've never once said you disagreed with the nasty, bigoted, and ignorant view of gay men your parents have.

You've done a lot of insulting other gay men, but never once taken responsibility - or indeed even seem to think about what you say.

It looks incredibly lazy both intellectually and on a personal level. Like you can't be bothered to disagree with your bigoted relations, or do anything that might improve your situation, because you'll then have to find a way to support yourself.

I don't believe you are planning on moving out, I don't really believe that your sole reason for living at home is because you are in college - if in fact you are - because these kinds of statements ONLY show up after people have gotten frustrated with your shallow rhetoric and excuses for doing nothing.

You had a huge fund of sympathy in here when you first showed up, but then you spent that on obviously hypocritical statements that are almost always borderline or outright insulting to everyone else.

You spent in on ignoring the well intentioned advice you got in favor of insisting that it was all just impossible.

You spent in on telling us stories about how your parents were going to send you back to India. On how you only want to date rich white men but poor you no one will date brown Indian guys. On how you were persecuted for being a conservative - which you aren't and haven't been. Most of what you post, that you got from the far right would appall an actual conservative - and on and on and on.

I submit that the reason you aren't well received has nothing to do with politics or ethnicity or who is willing to date whom, but on the probability that you really don't like yourself very much and project that on to all the gay men you happen to run across.

If you won't help yourself you won't - and there it is.

 

[JayQueer]

My name is JayQueer and I am a self-loathing gay man. Are you happy now, TXBeau?



Frankly, I don't like being gay and I feel sad & depressed whenever I think about it. I just want to be normal.

A couple years ago, when I was deep in the closet, my life seemed so much better. Everything in my life seemed set. I had my life planned out. I was going to finish school, get a well-paying job, get married in an arranged marriage to an Indian girl, and buy a nice house in the suburbs and raise our children. I got along really well with my family, and I could tell they were so proud of me. My life was going so well, with the exception of my hidden homosexuality which was always lurking under the surface......

Now, I feel like I have no plan or direction. I fight constantly with my parents and they tell me that I am the cause of their declining health. It's so hard, because in Indian (& Asian) culture, having the respect & support of your elders & family members is very important.

I don't want to be some kind of gay activist, organizing boycotts and doing political campaigns. I will never be some kind of handsome celebrity with six-pack abs. I will never be popular. I am just an ugly, fat Indian gay guy who has the attractiveness of a cockroach.

 

[Rolyo85]

Sucks to be you then. I'd feel your drama a bit more keenly if you'd had the basic intelligence and sensitivity to realize you managed to insult all of us at least twice in that last post.

So why not go cry somewhere else?

Or better yet - go tell your parents you saw the light and want girls now, so they can find you that Indian girl? That way you can be miserable together in that perfect life you so wish for.

 

[TX-Beau]

And I'd be a lot more sympathetic if you'd displayed any desire to change yourself for the better.

Just about all gay men are going to be sympathetic to someone like you - to a point, and that poinnt is where you demonstrate that you have absolutely no desire to do anything about your situation.

You don't like your body? Do some exercises, you don't like yourself, improve the things you don't like - this stuff isn't rocket science. You can even make an effort to like yourself for being a gay man - it's not like thousands upon thousands of gay men from hater families haven't done that as well.

Or you can complain and complain and do nothing but spit the hatred you accept about yourself onto the rest of us and refuse to take responsibility for your own damn life.

The choice is yours, but you aren't going to better yourself by whining about how horrible you are and how evil it is to be gay.

No one wanted to be born gay, no one got a choice, you are no different. What really exposes your personality is what you do about it.

And if that turns out to be refusing to face the hard choices, don't expect much sympathy for that.

 

[Ganoderma]

My name is JayQueer. (...). I just want to be normal.

I had my life planned out. I was going to finish school, get a well-paying job, (..), and buy a nice house in the suburbs and raise our children. I got along really well with my family, and I could tell they were so proud of me. My life was going so well (...),

Hi JayQueer,

No one over here ever had suggested that gay males are not normal. Eg, do you consider the current Present of Iceland normal (its a female)? Do you consider the current Minister of Finance of The Netherlands as a normal guy? What about the Lord Major of Berlin? I can go on with >1000 examples, but please, would you mind to explain why these people are 'not normal'? Any idea how many gays are active member of any of the many liberal and conservative parties throughout Europe? I have no idea as well, but they are everywhere!

Being gay is normal. You are just a normal guy living in the US, with a wealthy background, with a US passport. You are 26, you are healthy, you are educated, so the world is open to you. You can do what you want. Why not buy a house? Why not find a lover and marry with him?

How about your fellow Indians (slim, with a sixpack & with a brown skin, & also clever & educated, but no way they can get a green card) living in India? Do you think they like you when you would travel around in India, and by yourself? How many of them would ask you if you might be able to 'take them with you to the US'? 1? 10? 100? >100,000? Or >1,000,000? I think its the last. Do you agree with me?

Finally, don't bother too much about your parents. They have issues that you will not provide them with grandchildern. Well, maybe you have sis/bro who can do that job. There are alot of ways you can get and/or raise childeren, if you would like to do that.

Best wishes.

 

[palbert]

One safe place might be India. Unfortunately we've seen that the U.S. is not safe for our talented youth. You seem less equipped than they.

 

[Just_Believe18]

My name is JayQueer and I am a self-loathing gay man. Are you happy now, TXBeau?



Frankly, I don't like being gay and I feel sad & depressed whenever I think about it. I just want to be normal.

A couple years ago, when I was deep in the closet, my life seemed so much better. Everything in my life seemed set. I had my life planned out. I was going to finish school, get a well-paying job, get married in an arranged marriage to an Indian girl, and buy a nice house in the suburbs and raise our children. I got along really well with my family, and I could tell they were so proud of me. My life was going so well, with the exception of my hidden homosexuality which was always lurking under the surface......

Now, I feel like I have no plan or direction. I fight constantly with my parents and they tell me that I am the cause of their declining health. It's so hard, because in Indian (& Asian) culture, having the respect & support of your elders & family members is very important.

I don't want to be some kind of gay activist, organizing boycotts and doing political campaigns. I will never be some kind of handsome celebrity with six-pack abs. I will never be popular. I am just an ugly, fat Indian gay guy who has the attractiveness of a cockroach.

We are well aware of your situation and have been trying to help you since the moment you became a member and asked for help. You are who you are. Homosexuality is normal. Heterosexuality is not the only way to be normal. Right there, you've already expressed yourself to be self-loathing.

Everything is up to you. You make the decisions to change. You clearly are not happy pretending to be heterosexual. You certainly are not happy trying to be this "gay conservative" image either. No one is asking you to be a liberal or vote Democrat, but they are asking you to stop being such a caricature and cartoon that doesn't exist in reality.

I think you should volunteer to help veterans. It's a good thing to help people. However, you should also make sure you can get a job to help support yourself first. The sooner you move out of your parents' house, the better.

 

[TX-Beau]

I have a challenge for you JayQueer, an extremely simple one. Type out and post in your own words,

"...there is nothing wrong with being gay..."

Just that, no disclaimers, no qualifiers, no quibbling. Are you capable of doing that?

 

[Rolyo85]

Well, didn't he just express in no uncertain terms that he thinks the opposite?

 

[JayQueer]

I have a challenge for you JayQueer, an extremely simple one. Type out and post in your own words,

"...there is nothing wrong with being gay..."

Just that, no disclaimers, no qualifiers, no quibbling. Are you capable of doing that?

No......at least, not right now

I wish I could say those words. I want to feel good about myself. I want to find love. I want to someday find a man who will love me for me.

But at the same time, I just feel so dirty & awful. The notion that being "homosexual" or "gay" is so depraved and wrong has been drilled into my head from a very young age. In fact, I am uncomfortable whenever I come physically close to another man. My first instinct is always to pull away.

I would like to thank everyone for their advice thus far.

 

[SuprSonic]

So, are you still seeing a therapist? Are you following their advice?

 

[altlover85]

So, are you still seeing a therapist? Are you following their advice?

I would suggest therapy as well. The sooner you start to work on some of your self loathing issues, the sooner your life will start to improve.

 

[Perfidiosity]

Hello all,

Some of you may know me here on JUB. I am gay young man who is a conservative & who leans Republican. Furthermore, I am a first-generation American (my parents are immigrants from India but they're now U.S. citizens).

I feel like "coming out" as gay is really difficult for people like me. I feel like a lot of traditional conservatives & Republicans aren't supportive or comfortable around gay people & gay issues. At the same time, the "gay community" as a whole is overwhelmingly liberal & Democrat, and doesn't take too kindly towards gay conservatives & gay Republicans.

I have heard of the Log Cabin Republicans. Are any of you members of the Log Cabin Republicans? Do you know how I can get involved? What kinds of things do you guys do?

I think that it will be healthy for me to be around other openly gay people who share my same views of small government, pro-military, low taxes, and freedom.

I just need to find a safe place where I won't be negatively judged for being gay, but I also won't be negatively judged because I'm conservative.

Freedom? Pro-military? Small government? I think you should look at what your party supports. They can care less about gay people. They wished that we didn't exist. They want to take away every one of the freedoms that we do have, how can you call that for freedom? How can you say they are pro-military when they treated gay soldiers so terribly? There are more important things than money. I sympathize with you on monogamy but little else. I find it offensive that you are implying (rather strongly) that AIDS and HIV is our fault and soley a gay issue. IT IS NOT.

 

[SuprSonic]

Jay,

Ultimately your life and your happiness are in your own hands. You can continue to tell us how miserable you are, and we can give you the same advice over and over. You seem to be very resistant to making any changes in your life. If you're not happy now, what makes you think that things will get better if you just keep doing what you've been doing? We can have all the compassion and sympathy in the world for you, but we can't help improve your situation without any effort on your part.

So were you REALLY happy when you were in the closet? I doubt that's true, but if it is, go ahead and climb back in. Tell your parents you've thought long and hard and decided that you're straight. They'll be thrilled. I think we both know that you would still be miserable, though.

It's worth repeating. You need to move out of your parents' house. It sounds like the environment is toxic to the point where the mental health concerns far outweigh the financial benefits of staying at home. Yes, it will be scary, but what's best for us often is. I know you aren't used to doing things on your own, so if you're intimidated by the logistics of it, just ask and people here will be glad to give you advice.