Need a safe place for a gay conservative

[texpatriot]

It would be my dream to marry a military man or a recent veteran. Hopefully now that DADT has been repealed, it might make it slightly easier for me to find one.

(Pssst...........TexPatriot.......you there? )

Yeah, I'm here.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SG4WOUB3wB4&feature=mr_meh&list=FLQbCdGrXjQdOq0H2OTn_x8Q&lf=autoplay&playnext=0[/ame]

From what you've shared, your friends and family don't dance.

 

[JayQueer]

Yeah, I'm here.

From what you've shared, your friends and family don't dance.

Yay! TexPatriot is back!

LOL........How did you get the idea that we don't dance? Have you heard of Bollywood (India's film industry)? Most people don't know that Bollywood puts out more movies per year than Hollywood, and most Bollywood movies always include some singing & dancing.

If you've ever been to an Indian party, you would know that there's almost always singing & dancing. The alcohol also usually flows in copious amounts as well.

One of my favorite Indian song & dance numbers from 1993 or 1994 --

"Tu Cheez Badi Hai Mast Mast"

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nz6h-6BAwmc&feature=fvst[/ame]

 

[hayden777]

You could just google Log Cabin Republicans. They must have a website that could tell you where there is a chapter in your area. For the life of me, I just don't get why a gay man would ever want to align himself with people who hate and will never accept you for who you really are. The right wing is vehemently ANTI GAY. They always will be. Why do you actually defend people who think you are a "biological error" for example? It just makes no sense. A gay man who likes and defends people who hate gays. I DON'T GET IT. And I'm not sure I even want to.

 

[DragOneON]

I hate rising to the bait you offer.

You tar me and a lot of other conservatives with your particularly screwed up feathers.

Yes I'm a conservative. Yes I was a republican for a lot of years. I voted that way because I felt small government and fiscal conservatism was the way to keep America what it is.

A society of go-getters.

I left the republican party when I realized that it chooses to ignore one of the first principles of the declaration of independence.

That we are endowed by our maker to the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Expressly opposite of what "The defense of marriage act" entails.

Our founding fathers understood the dilemma they were creating in that statement. Enough so that Ben Franklin said " you have to catch happiness yourself". It was intended to make sure that no government actively prohibited you from that pursuit, but that you had to work for it.

I know many log cabin republicans. I know they are out, I know they love their country, and I know that they mostly want to get this country on a good financial track. I also know that most of them despise the efforts against gay marriage.

They seem to think the economy is more important. I scratch my head at it, but there it is.

I am willing to take a ban from the mods here at JUB to tell you this.

Your posts disgust me. ESPECIALLY in this forum which is meant for people looking for hope. People looking to self actualize, people who want to pursue their own happiness, and realize the sacrifice that it will take by being gay.

Especially in a society/family that is not altogether ready for it.

You, however, cheapen every post in this area of the forum with a post like this. Why not post where it belongs? In politics?

Why?

Because you sirrah, are a coward.

Your posting this here makes a mockery of every brave soul who comes here with the intention of crossing the terrifying bridge to coming out. To seize their bit of happiness.

When you have no intention to do so.

You act like a spoiled, hypocritical child. You ignore the advice and help offered. You bemoan your fate, while taking EXACTLY zero responsibility for your own happiness.Even worse, you espouse the attitudes you hate. And, like a coward, you post it here where the rules of the forum say no flames.

I'll counter this for the sake of the many young gays who come here for succor and an honest chance at happiness.

Before you launch into your "I'm an Indian, you can't understand" diatribe. I lived in India, which you may have not as a first generation here. Bangalore, to be precise. I've been in the bars where no woman is allowed unaccompanied (Legends of Rock, Koramangala for example, google it). I've seen the segregation of the sexes. I've also seen/been told by a few Indian men that because of that, their first sex was with another male. A few years ago you could go into a chatroom, and if you had a gender neutral name, 6 indians would IM you in ten minutes.

So please, just stop. You have no intention of taking any risks to better yourself. You whine and moan while on a free ride, never willing to risk it, while many young gays come here with nothing and in pain.

You are the worst sort of troll. A sympathy troll with no conscience.

I'm done here and will take a ban.

Mike

 

[palbert]

@ DragOneOn: Concur.

Hope you stay.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Although DragOneON has expressed harsh criticism of JayQueer; I think the larger sentiment of his actions should be reviewed. This is exactly what I am talking about when JayQueer posts. His indirect homophobia is upsetting members of the community. There are a lot of people who read posts on this board but say nothing. However, here you have an example of someone who had read posts from JayQueer for awhile and has finally lashed out.

I am concerned that the behavior of JayQueer is leading to a negative atmosphere. An individual is entitled to express their opinions and beliefs; however, JayQueer's behavior is remorseless with a guise of pretending to be clueless as to what he is saying.

I am not sure what is the proper way to moderate this situation. However, I think a good start is to no longer tolerate homophobic language from JayQueer. When he goes on a tirade against "West Hollywood gays," that should be deleted. When he blames gay promiscuity on AIDS, a warning PM should be issued. If a straight person were to register on this forum and say the things JayQueer says, he would be banned in an instant. Why should JayQueer's behavior be any more tolerated simply because he claims to be gay?

 

[rareboy]

Well, I have been away for all of this and have only read through all of this today.

Haven't we had most of this discussion before? With exactly the same results?

I think increasingly more posters are noticing that the back story is always jarringly one note. The context never changes, the easy expression of self-loathing never changes, the complaints about the WEHO gays never changes, the conservative martyrdom never changes, the repetition of the pro-life mantra never changes, the blaming of promiscuous homos for the spread of AIDS never changes, the relationship with the traditional conservative parents never changes. The acceptance of their narrow minded bullshit never changes. The polling of posters about conservative political organizations like the LCR never changes.

I am surprised that in the thread we didn't get the website address and the phone number to contact for LCR like we did for reparative therapists in previous threads.

The only thing that appears to be missing form this go-round is the expression of contempt for effeminate homos.

There seems to no other dimension here. There is no information about what is going on at school. Or with friends. There is no indication that any action was ever taken on improving body image and health after the flood of advice in the last two 'poor me' threads. There is never any discussion about what is going on with the therapist. There is always the smooth resistance to acting like a 26 year old adult male and moving out from under the parents' control; there is always the same language about wanting to be 'normal', versus saying that he wants to be 'heterosexual'. There is always the recounting of going to the republican meet and greets, but never once any indication that the OP has ever seen a great play or read a great book. We always only learn that the mother listens to Dr. Laura and the father to Rush Limbaugh. And that everyone lives in a conservative gated community in fake ante-bellum colonial southern mansions.


There is always the smooth exit and the derailment of the original thread with a diversion into tales of some sexual escapade...this time it is about dancing.....

I am concerned that the behavior of JayQueer is leading to a negative atmosphere. An individual is entitled to express their opinions and beliefs; however, JayQueer's behavior is remorseless with a guise of pretending to be clueless as to what he is saying.

The only time that I've run into this was a closeted business associate who was literally all Id and Ego. A pure narcissist without empathy or sympathy, all about instant gratification and self-protection. I came to realize that it wasn't that he was pretending to not understand the impact of their actions and philosophy, he was so afraid of the reality of himself that he had completely shut down the ability to exercise self critical judgement because it would literally destroy his entire world.

Like Jayqueer, he had no 'problem' with the idea of having random sexual contact with 'straight' guys but was disgusted by the idea of queens who loved to get fucked, blaming them for spreading VD (this was even before AIDS)

So I might grant that the 'why, whatever do you mean?' act isn't an act at all...it is an actual reflection of how the OP's brain works.

The OP has mentioned that he has been seeing a therapist. But isn't interesting that given the nature of self-examination and challenge that therapy requires....there has no been one iota of change in the attitudes or obsession of the OP. Everything is always about conservative politics and being a poster child for the Republican party.

I am not sure what is the proper way to moderate this situation. However, I think a good start is to no longer tolerate homophobic language from JayQueer. When he goes on a tirade against "West Hollywood gays," that should be deleted. When he blames gay promiscuity on AIDS, a warning PM should be issued. If a straight person were to register on this forum and say the things JayQueer says, he would be banned in an instant. Why should JayQueer's behavior be any more tolerated simply because he claims to be gay?

I think this sums it up beautifully.

There is a world of difference between reading an anguished plea for help from a homo struggling to come to terms with their own sexuality and the unpleasant repetition month after month from a very few avatars who have been encouraged to embrace and love themselves for the person they are, given brilliant advice about how to live their lives as successful, happy and out homos but who land in CO&R almost like clockwork to make sure that everyone knows that their own misery and resistance to positive change continues.

 

[JayQueer]

Wow.

I feel like I am being bashed by so many people, all at the same time, that I don't even know where to start responding.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

@DragOneOn --

If you read my OP, this thread is NOT about debating politics. However, you say that you are conservative and that you used to be a Republican, but you left because the Republican Party "chooses to ignore one of the first principles of the declaration of independence." So did you join the Democratic Party? If you did, you are contradicting yourself because the Democratic Party does not stand for conservative values. Enough said.

Next, that's great that you have been to India (so have I). But your story about the chat room means nothing. First, of all Indians & Indian culture is very homophobic in general. If you changed your name to a "gender neutral name," it was probably Indian men who were contacting you, thinking that you were a woman.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just_Believe18 --

First of all, I am gay. (Although I often wish I was not). Yes, I am somewhat "self-loathing", and I have admitted so before.

If I write about something, it is how I feel. About a few things you mentioned --

"The West Hollywood gays" -- A lot of what I have written is true. A lot of gay men, particularly in Los Angeles & West Hollywood, are very image conscious and body conscious. If you don't believe me, please take a walk down Santa Monica Boulevard in WeHo. You don't even have to go inside the bars or restaurants. Just walk down the street & note what kinds of gay men you see.

If you still don't believe me, read this article about the higher rates of eating disorders (like anorexia) in gay men --

http://www.nedic.ca/knowthefacts/documents/EatingDisordersinGayMen.pdf

About "gay promiscuity" and AIDS -- About 70% of new HIV infections in the U.S. last year were in gay & bisexual men. How did that happen? Can you get HIV/AIDS from standing next to someone, or shaking their hand? No. You get HIV from unprotected sexual intercourse, or intravenous needle drug use.

70% of new infections of HIV last year in the U.S. were due to gay & bisexual men having unsafe sex (without a condom).

If all gay men were monogamous, or used condoms while having sex with partners whose HIV status was unknown, how many new HIV infections would we have? -- Close to zero.

What's ironic is that you want to ban "homophobic speech," while you are acting homophobic toward another gay man who is trying to come to terms with himself, while remaining true to who he is, and what he believes.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@Rareboy,

I have made a decision to decide what parts of my life I will share with people here on JUB because I have noticed that JUB members have been using the personal information I have provided here, and used it to criticize me in other forums. If I were to tell you more about my life, I have no doubt that some people here would use it against me to criticize me further, or perhaps even "expose" myself or my family publicly.

There is a world of difference between reading an anguished plea for help from a homo struggling to come to terms with their own sexuality and the unpleasant repetition month after month from a very few avatars who have been encouraged to embrace and love themselves for the person they are, given brilliant advice about how to live their lives as successful, happy and out homos but who land in CO&R almost like clockwork to make sure that everyone knows that their own misery and resistance to positive change continues.

You think "change" is easy? It's not. Coming to terms with one's own sexuality is easier for some people, than for others. For some gay people, they can "come out" and they're fine within a few days or weeks. For other people, especially people from very traditional or sexually repressed environments, it may take years for them to truly come to terms with their sexuality.

Don't think that when people give their advice or suggestions, that I am not listening. I am. But often times, it requires REPETITION and REINFORCEMENT for sink in. And that's not just for me. That's for all people in general.

Lastly, I am not looking for your (or anyone's) political advice. Yes, I am a Republican. No, I'm not a Democrat. And regardless of how many things Obama does (or does not do) for the LGBT community, I will not be voting for him in 2012.

And yes, I'm thinking about joining my local Log Cabin Republican chapter.

Lastly, I don't understand why everything in my life needs to revolve around my being gay. It's one reason why the whole Chick-fil-A "gay boycott" thing irritated me so much. It wasn't based on Chick-fil-A's food or customer service, the whole uproar was based entirely in regards to a donation, and the chain's owner's "Christian beliefs". Trust me, if Chick-fil-A was "pro-gay", all of you guys would be singing Chick-fil-A's praises and completely ignored the caloric count of its food. Instead, many gays will be happy to support a "pro gay" company, even if it produces a mediocre or substandard product, and boycott an "anti-gay" company that produces an outstanding product.

I don't think that my sexual orientation should define my life. I am much more than my sexual orientation.

 

[SuprSonic]

Jay,

Here's the thing. We know it's hard because we've all been through it, but consider this: A lot of guys here (including myself) come from a Christian background where being gay is so bad that it means you burn in hell for all eternity. If I'm not mistaken, you're Hindu and there's no concept of hell in Hinduism, so already the biggest and scariest obstacle for many guys is out of the way. Your parents and friends already know. So why are you still wallowing in misery?

You want repetition? Here it is:

YOU ARE A GROWN ASS MAN AND IT'S PAST TIME FOR YOU TO START TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF AND MOVE OUT OF YOUR PARENTS' HOUSE.

YOU ARE A GROWN ASS MAN AND IT'S PAST TIME FOR YOU TO START TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF AND MOVE OUT OF YOUR PARENTS' HOUSE.

YOU ARE A GROWN ASS MAN AND IT'S PAST TIME FOR YOU TO START TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF AND MOVE OUT OF YOUR PARENTS' HOUSE.

YOU ARE A GROWN ASS MAN AND IT'S PAST TIME FOR YOU TO START TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF AND MOVE OUT OF YOUR PARENTS' HOUSE.

YOU ARE A GROWN ASS MAN AND IT'S PAST TIME FOR YOU TO START TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF AND MOVE OUT OF YOUR PARENTS' HOUSE.


You say you feel like you're being bashed, but who is bashing you and how? It seems that you're interpreting any post that doesn't pat you on the back and say "Oh, poor JayQueer. What a martyr you are," as bashing. And how exactly are people using your personal information against you? By calling you out on your complete unwillingness to do anything to improve your situation? If you don't want criticism, then you don't need to ask for advice. If you continually come in here with the same sob story, ignore all the advice that everyone is giving you, and then come back and post how everything is still terrible, what do you expect our reaction should be?

 

[Dolmance]

JayQueer, it may sound trite and pat and so obvious as to be insulting, but until you acknowledge and accept who and what you are, i.e. a man who is romantically and sexually attracted to other men, and until you learn to be content with that incidence of your biology rather than railing against it, you will never be content, you will never be happy with yourself. You can cling to this tribal notion of "conservatism" all you like, using the proscribed morality it provides to brow beat others as a means of bulwarking your own sense of identity, but it's a cathedral made out of spit and playing cards; one sharp draught, one pitter patter of rain, it'll all come tumbling down.

By supporting the political and social agendas you currently do, YOU are actively contributing to the atmosphere and status quo that keeps LGBT individuals in the closet, that consigns them mentally and physically to the environments you consider seedy and distasteful. You are, in effect, forging your own shackles, and flourishing them as the most fabulous and delicate of bracelets. In case you miss the analogy, RE: "The Emperor's New Clothes." You do not have to change your political, moral or social values; that is a matter for you to consider yourself, but right now, it is painfully clear that they aren't YOURS; they're your parents, your priests, your political idols. The best advice I can give is: step back, stop clinging to them as a means of ratifying your own sense of identity; go back to square one, and consider what you genuinely think and feel before taking another step.

Hope this helps.

 

[KaraBulut]

CO&R is one of the forums that falls into the No Flame Zone. This particular thread has morphed from being frank advice into being a thread that attacks the OP for things that have been said in other threads- no longer answering the original question posed.

Sometimes it is a fine line to toe. Some posters in this forum need a wake-up call and the bitter taste of reality. But there's a way to serve up reality without making it personal. And that's what we try to do here.

We also don't harbor any illusions that some of the people asking for advice only hear the advice they want to hear. They'll ignore everything said until they get the advice that they want to get. No one is every under any obligation to take our advice. We only ask that they read and accept it for what it is- maybe some day they'll remember it and choose a wiser option. Next time.

I'm not sure what to call this thread. OP asked a question but it's unclear whether anything in the two pages of advice (69 responses, actually) will change anything in the situation. It's also unclear whether the purpose of this thread was to get advice and listen. It seems that mostly it's debate and the same circular discussion seen in several other threads by this OP.

So, this thread has run its course and it's time to close it.

 

[opinterph]

I have noticed that JUB members have been using the personal information I have provided here, and used it to criticize me in other forums. If I were to tell you more about my life, I have no doubt that some people here would use it against me to criticize me further, or perhaps even "expose" myself or my family publicly.

Using information from a member's personal posts in a no-flame zone as a means to criticize or ridicule that member in other forums is inexcusable.