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Need advice about a hookup...

S

swimstud

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So this is probably going to sound strange, but I'm not really sure what to do. A few years ago (2009) when I was 18 I hooked up with this one guy one night. He was really hot and he seemed into me and it was a lot of fun. I tried contacting him afterwards, but he never replied to me and eventually replied saying he wasn't into guys that young. So that was that and I think he moved out of state. Now I'm 21 and I posted an ad on cl and he responded to my posting! I emailed him back and he seemed interested (and still as hot as before). the only thing is that he doesn't know that it's me...I would really like to hookup with him again so I'm not sure if I should let him know. It's not like I'm ugly or crazy or anything, but I don't want to risk scaring him off if I tell him it's me. And I'm 21 now so his reason for not wanting to meet up again wouldn't be an excuse anymore.

So to get to the point: 1) should I tell him it's me? and 2) if I don't tell him, do you think he'll recognize me if/when we meet up? (do you remember guys you've hooked up with 3 years ago and what they look like?)
 
chances are ;

if they were a good fuck, then either person could recognize each other. i think that if he wasn't in to younger guys then hes probably not in to them still but who knows, with age things change. if its just a fuck you want then why not tell him who you are ? whats the worst that could happen? he could say no? you could get lucky? you could find someone else to have fun with?

hoe it helps
 
I'd go thru with setting something up. Definition of asshole: "Gee, good hookup but I don't go for guys that young." He needs to grow up.
 
Well the thing is that he's not even that much older. He's only like 2 years older. He was in college when I was a senior in hs.
 
Personally, I'd tell him to f*** off, but that's just me. But, if you don't mind him giving you the brush off go for it. I'm sure this has happened to him before. I find him unappealing no matter how he looks. If he has an ounce of humanity he's going to be creeped out. That's my guess.
 
if you remember him, then he'll remember you. I would definitely mention to him that you hooked up in the past, otherwise it will be awkward if he tells you to your face when you meet that he's not interested. Maybe he wont say that. who knows. Just say something like, I enjoyed it last time and I think you did too. That should at least give him the hint you guys have previously met and let him take it from there.
 
When someone is not into younger guys, he's not into them BEFORE he fucks them, not after. What he meant by that was "I'm not into guys that call me after I've had them" which is the biggest douchebaggery I can imagine.

So I'm with Seasoned here - he's gross, regardless of what he looks like. Hook ups for me work only with people I like as a person, regardless of whether we want it to be anything more, or just sex with no strings attached. To have sex with someone who used you before would be degrading to me, but if you've got no issue with it, I'd just not say anything. Chances are he'll bail if you tell him who you were.
 
He is only 2 years older than you. He dumped you for reasons other than your age. Those reasons are most likely still there and may not have anything to do with you.
Don't be a doormat, dude.
 
Like other have stated, move on with other guys if I were you. However, let's have some fun with him with this cl opportunity.

Here's what I would do if I were you:
  1. Make plans to meet up at a coffee shop, but don't tell him who you are.
  2. When he shows up, say "Sorry dude, I'm not into guys with a douchebag attitude."
 
swimstud said:
Well the thing is that he's not even that much older. He's only like 2 years older. He was in college when I was a senior in hs.
Click to expand...

You were in high school and he was in college. That can seem at the time like a big age difference, especially by a guy thinking more with his dick. We have all been assholes to people we've had sex with when we were young.

If you want to get together with him for another good fuck, I don't see any reason not to. You know now not to expect more afterwards. And who knows? Maybe he has grown up a bit in the last three years. Just don't be surprised if it is only for a hook-up again.
 
HunterM said:
Like other have stated, move on with other guys if I were you. However, let's have some fun with him with this cl opportunity.

Here's what I would do if I were you:
  1. Make plans to meet up at a coffee shop, but don't tell him who you are.
  2. When he shows up, say "Sorry dude, I'm not into guys with a douchebag attitude."
Click to expand...

frankly speaking. I like this option. I hate it when guys hide behind their computer and treat people like he treated you. If he didn't want to get together again with you, fine. It happens. But to make up some lame excuse is bs. I wouldn't get together again with him no matter how hot he is. Remember how you felt when he treated you that way? Do you want it to happen again? because that's what's going to happen. Why set yourself up for that? If you don't want to do the meet up and walk out thing you could tell him you remember who he is and that you'd rather not get together with an asshole again. Once was enough. He sounds like a jackass and I wouldn't have anything to do with him.

Steven.
 
Obviously you liked him a lot and want to give it another chance. So don' t tell him you have met. Meet him and have fun. If he remembers, then say Oh yeah now I remember you too. The downsize is that he may dump you again, but if you go prepared it should not hurt so much. And if you like him, that goes a long way. It is hard to dislike someone who likes you.Go for it.And please let us know what you decided.
 
OK you understand the difference between a hookup and dating right?

From what you've said, I get the impression that you got together for a fuck, you weren't dating this guy, then he didn't want to start dating and gave you a blow off excuse. He sure cold have been more graceful about it but I don't see how this turns him into the asshole that you apparently (according to some *ahem* slightly judgmental people) need to start getting vindictive with.

Thing is - you weren't DATING, you had a hook up, then you wanted more, and he didn't. People who are hooking up aren't there for the dating experience, they are there to get off. Now SOMETIMES that leads to more, but the vast majority of the time it doesn't. Such is the hook-up.

He wasn't your boyfriend, he wasn't looking to be your boyfriend. So three years later you find this guy again, and you apparently still want to date? Have another fuck? (there is nothing wrong with that BTW) What do you want out of this?

Whatever you want, you didn't like it when you thought he was dishonest with you, why would you then be dishonest with him? Revenge? Why? Do you really feel like you were somehow shat upon by this guy?

I ask that because the tone of this thread has become far too vindictive for a situation where you had a hook up three years ago and that's all. What you didn't say was that it was a horribly heart wrenching, gut twisting betrayal of trust that burned you forever.

Plus you seem to want to hook up again, so really, your feelings couldn't have been that abused. What do you do? Figure out what you want then be honest. Who knows what he'll say, we don't know, so asking us is pointless.
 
I say go for it, but should also tell him in advance. He would have recognized you, I am sure. Don't set both of yourselves up for a awkward surprise that might lead to disappointment. Just be up front with him, ask him if he is interested in you now that you are a few more years older.

But even if things go well, don't be surprised if this ends the same as the first time where he stops responding. Both of you are seeking to hook-up on Craigslist. That's not a recipe for a lasting relationship.
 
I understand hook ups are exactly that. I've had my share. I dont like the way he and guys like him treat people. they weren't dating and didnt have a relationship but he could have had the common courtesy to be honest. All he had to say was "thanks but I was just looking for a nsa hook up." Instead he makes some lame ass excuse that left the op confused. he was good enough to hook up with but suddenly is too young. bs sometimes a taste of ones own medicine helps people realize what it feels like to be treated the way they treat others. Thats all I was and am saying.

meet up with him and say "oh. I dont hook up with guys too old" and walk away. It's not fun being on the receiving end of something like that.

Steven.
 
So what? water under the bridge, no history, one incident. is it really justification to find it reasonable to go around giving people "a taste of their own medicine" (!?!) What does that mean anyway?

Tell you what, no matter how callous I was (and in the grand scheme of things this is pretty tame) if a guy I had one hookup with three years ago invited me to a coffee-shop to call me a douche-bag, the only lesson I'd learn would have to do with that guy and the words neurotic and obsessive running around my head looking for something to connect with. (compliments to Douglas Adams)

Come on. Trying to get vindictive on this guy who has absolutely no significance in the OP's life, for something that he may or may not even remember that happened YEARS ago is just advising the OP to be a neurotic drama princess. There is no point to it, it's kinda puerile, and completely over the top.

Besides, no where did the OP say he had his heart broken, and he's asking us how to GET BACK WITH the guy, not how to find closure.

Premature leaps to conclusions by well meaning people in this thread? I think so.
 
loki81 said:
I can pretty easily see why a 20 year-old wouldn't be interested in a relationship with an 18 year-old guy who's still in high school/living at home and chalk it up to "I don't date younger guys," even though there's only a 2-year difference.

but I'd like to think that everybody deserves better than a guy who doesn't even remember their face after fucking them.
Click to expand...

that says it all

if you meet up with him again, be prepared to have the same result is all

your choice
 
People do this to me all the time, it's a gay-dating- façade. Many times I've hooked up with/ been friends with/shared pics with/danced at a night club with/kissed/ chatted up a guy up at a party/or something else with a guy, they showed disinterest, or loss of interest, but then only later come back and approach me again. I don't generally forget people (at least in context) and I highly doubt that my memory is superior to others. I think it's most likely this guy has seen your photo again, decides he wants to fuck a second time and will act like he doesn't remember, when he does.

The "I don't date younger guys" is just an excuse. You were 18 he was 20 and he liked you enough to fuck you the first time. He really meant "I'm not interested in hooking up again atm", or "I don't want you to think this is going any further" attitude.

If you really want to hook up with him, just go along with it. You can choose whether to say "you've met me once before" but chances are he does remember you. Just consider that if you do like him, that unless he's changed in the last 3 years nothing else will come of it. At the end of the day he'll just have a different excuse if you try to call him again.
 
Georgiadude said:
frankly speaking. I like this option. I hate it when guys hide behind their computer and treat people like he treated you. If he didn't want to get together again with you, fine. It happens. But to make up some lame excuse is bs. I wouldn't get together again with him no matter how hot he is. Remember how you felt when he treated you that way? Do you want it to happen again? because that's what's going to happen. Why set yourself up for that? If you don't want to do the meet up and walk out thing you could tell him you remember who he is and that you'd rather not get together with an asshole again. Once was enough. He sounds like a jackass and I wouldn't have anything to do with him.

Steven.
Click to expand...

Couldn't agree more with Steven.

What would be even more fitting is if you talked him up, then went completely silent; & when he messages to ask what's up - say "sorry dude, word on the street is you're a douche, & I don't get involved with gutter trash". ROFL!
 
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