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  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Need advice about a kind of sensitive topic

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I can relate. You did nothing wrong, you were not responsible in any way. You were simply vulnerable being in a new situation and intoxicated. I think you should give yourself more credit. You handled the situation before it got worse and got away. Not everyone does, unfortunately. Although you were sexually assaulted, and a potentially a victim. (someone suggested you were raped) From what you wrote, that's not the case. As 'The penetration, no matter how slight,' did not occur

Yes it's scary. It can happen to anyone at anytime. However, with everything you had going against you. You fought off an aggressor bigger than yourself while inebriated! They did not succeed, you stopped it! Ultimately, all you can do is learn from this in going forward.
You are wiser, stronger and more aware than you were then. You no longer the naive guy who was underage at the bar.
Even in the worst of situation you can find strength. You had the power then and you still do, remember that!
Don't stop doing things you want to do. You have every right to be angry, the key is to channel that in a good way! Use it as your motivation, don't suppress it. That leads to depression.
Go to the gym, take self defense class, set your goals, etc. ('I' found were these to be more helpful and beneficial than therapy or counseling- that's just me) You determine how strong you are. There's no limit to what you can achieve.
As for the rest, it will take time. There's no rush. Do it when feels right.

Note:
You will most likely have unwanted advances in the future more times then you care to remember.
I know I have...
A really effective and easy way to deal with unwanted grab is a wrist lock...
 
Rolyo85 said:
That sucks, I'm sorry :/

It's a rule in any big city, that you never go to clubs on your own, especially if you are not physically intimidating. Someone should know where you are at all times too.

Anyway, not to defend the guy, but to put things in perspective a bit, the way you describe it, he wasn't really assaulting you. He was drunk and horny, and apparently attracted to you. There is a little part in there that's actually a complement to you. Just a point of view that might help you get over it. He wasn't being malicious and trying to hurt you. I dunno, maybe you are irresistable ;)

Anyway, I hope you can get over this. Don't fret over first time kisses and such stuff, this is utterly unimportant. Kissing, like making out and sex, are only ever special with a special person, and quite meaningless on their own, so your "First Kiss", capital letters and all, hasn't happened yet as far as you're concerned.

And I usually don't like recommending this, but if you feel you can't get over your fears on your own, it's worth talking to a professional about it.

All the best to you :)
Click to expand...


I think you need to re read what he said because it's very clear HE DID NOT WANT THIS GUY TOUCHING HIM. He had his face shoved into the wall and was lifted off the ground. That is clearly assault and in no way is a compliment. It's highly offensive of you to even suggest this is something he should take as a compliment. He was sexually assaulted and had he not kicked the assailant in the balls it would have continued. This happened a year ago and he's still carrying around this burden on his own. He needs support and counseling. Not insults.

Steven.
 
Actually, no, it's not highly offensive, it's therapeutic. In order to move past a traumatic event, you have to make it matter less in your mind. And so, when you paint something in less dark colors, it stops weighing so heavily on you. It's just one small change, but it could matter a lot down the line. There is no insult in what I said and I stand by it.
 
I've removed several posts from this thread... they were off-topic and violate the no-flame zone/safe harbor policy that we have in the support forums.

One of the moderation policies that the support forums have had for some time includes the expectation that answers be directed to the person who has asked for support and advice. Another expectation is that- if advice given in the thread is dangerous, illegal or just plain awful- that you maintain a level of respect in your disagreements.

In short, these support forums are about the person asking for advice, not those who give the advice.

This thread has become an argument between different viewpoints and is no longer benefiting the poster who asked for help. So, it's time to close it.
 
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