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Need advice on 1st relationship

bart8473

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Hey guys... I need some advice. I met this guy who is awesome. I think I have fallen for him. I mean I've never have before and this is a brand new feeling where I'm constantly thinking about him. I know he likes me back but he likes playing hard to get. This has the potential to be my first relationship... I don't want to mess things up.... Never done the relationship thing before but with him I really want to. Any advice on how I can blossom this into one?
 
I know he likes me back but he likes playing hard to get.

Apparently he wants to be chased. So, chase him. Let him know he lights your fire and you want him badly. Then give him some room to think about your proposal. If he returns the offer, he is yours.
 
I have ALWAYS REFUSED to PLAY those games...

I'm UP FRONT -- OPEN -- DIRECT and HONEST...

Then...

It is in THEIR hands...

I won't wait forever...

Best of luck dude...

:):):)
 
I reallly like him though.... i've never felt like this before for someone... hopefully things turn out great.
 
I guess since this is my first relationship where i want it to be serious I dont know how to act...
 
I have ALWAYS REFUSED to PLAY those games...

I'm UP FRONT -- OPEN -- DIRECT and HONEST...

Then...

It is in THEIR hands...

I won't wait forever...

Best of luck dude...

:):):)

That. I am so not down with this whole high school dating game playing. Serious people don't do that.

I would repeat Swerve's advice - basically tell him exactly what you just told us. If he's not a douche, he'll totally melt :)
 
I was going to tell him but I chickened out... just didn't want to be rejected i guess.... or make him feel like things are moving too quickly... We have only been together 3 times...
 
I think the cat-and-mouse game can be fun, so long as the game is obviously being played by, and enjoyed by, both parties (if that makes sense).

The guy I'm dating right now is a co-worker. For about four days or so, we played this blatant cat and mouse game of "What are you doing this weekend?" and he'd follow up with "Well, there's this cute guy I work with and I hope he calls me to go out." and then I'd say "Well, what if he's busy? He may still want to, but he already has plans?" and then he'd say "I don't know. I'd probably still give him a shot, but I don't have his number." It was flirtatous, it was fun, and we knew that we were going to actually go out for dinner/drinks and see what happens. But at some point, you have to act on it. After the third day, I wrote my phone number on a post it in a thick black Sharpie with the words "Put up or shut up. Call me" on his computer monitor. If it goes more than a few days, then it just becomes a game where you both think the other is playing games.

I say put a little bit of horsepower behind the gas pedal on this one. Ask him out. Don't put pressure on the event, just ask if he wants to hang out some time. Get to know him. When you go out, play it cool. Remember that people define these outings differently. Don't assume he's your boyfriend because you went out once, and also don't assume that there's any exclusivity there either. (Remember that for yourself too... until you've talked about exclusivity and "labeling" your relationship a couple weeks into it, neither one of you owes the other anything). Have fun. Enjoy it. Good luck!
 
This is not high school. So the best thing is act like a adult, no need for any games, it you need to chase, there is nothing wrong in going after something you want.

Just be cool about it. and by all means be honest and upfront. Itf yoy start w/lies it will end bad.
 
thanks guys.... Ur advice is really helping. I realized that I'm probably overanalyzing things.... and I should just go with the flow. We both like each other and we are constantly texting each other so hopfully it goes in the direction I want.
 
Ahh, the cat and mouse games. This is always a fun subject to talk about. Hopefully I can be of help.

The first thing you have to do is determine what role he's playing. Most people are simple and only play either the cat or the mouse. If he's playing both, you either will never find out, or if you do, you'll be so exacerbated by the games it won't matter at that point. This is likely NOT the latter case.

One you find out what role he's playing, act accordingly. If he's playing the mouse, he probably wants you to make the initial, BIG first move. If you haven't actually spoken on the phone, that might be it. If you haven't gone on an ACTUAL date, that might be it. Whatever is the major thing that hasn't been done, he might want you to do it.

If he's the cat, he probably wants you to give off a little signal of weakness, a sign to him that you are receptive and ready for him to pounce, for lack of a better word.

You might not want to get sucked into the games, but understand, trying to force a person who wants to play the game, to NOT play the game, most likely won't play out in your favor.

These early stages of a relationship are often about give and take, and finding out about one another's personality and other traits. By putting his, in my opinion, rather basic desires first, at this point in time, you might develop a relationship to where he'll later on be on the other side of the coin, acquiescing to something that you desire.

I realize it's a bit of torture right now. Believe me, I've been the unwitting ragdoll in the games and I've played the roll of puppetmaster in my fair share. Just realize that most guys are very INDIRECT with their emotional feelings, but very DIRECT with their physical feelings. A guy is more likely to tell you that he's horny and he wants to have sex than he likes you and he wants to settle down. Hence, why these games are played.

Plus, it's a game. And who doesn't like to win a game. Remember, the most savoring victory is the one where your opponent thinks he's victorious, when in reality, you were winning all along. This time, be the latter, not the former.
 
Some people think there are mistakes that can be made and they may either be too direct or too indirect and that's why a potential relationship failed. Actually that's all nonsense. If a potential relationship failed it's because the other guy didn't want it. People use excuses to explain things to themselves or others. If something were so fraigle that what I said or the way I said it caused it not to happen I'd have to say that there was no chance of it happening. You have a crush. Be yourself. That's the only way to trust another person is interested. If someone falls for an inauthentic you how the hell will you have a lasting relationship. Again, be yourself and someone you like will eventually fall for you. Who knows? Maybe it will be this guy.
 
A person who is "playing" anything, is not a good thing. And the other question is, are you more attracted to guys who DON'T seem to want you than guys who DO seem to want you. If that's the case, you might want to examine your sense of self-esteem.
Love is different than infatuation. Is he responsive to you (i.e., does he ask you out or are you the one doing all the asking? RED FLAG!!) Any dating connection -- any relationship, period -- is about reciprocal actions. If you're doing everything, he may be highly insecure, have trust issues (or emotional issues) or just be plain unable to do anything more than the superficial things.
"Seasoned" and I seem to be on the same page. I don't know if it's due to my being an older guy, or having lived in San Francisco for 30 years (way back, starting in the early 70s) and have observed the whole maybe-you-can-have-me-maybe-you-can't, which just yells "immature person ahead. Abandon ship!" dance.
Texting is a pretty poor indicator of a relationship: relationships happen face-to-face and open heart to open heart. If his heart's open, he won't "play" anything, hard to get or otherwise.
I'm guessing you're very young (22 or so). Is that right?
 
just to let u guys know... it has been going great!!! We have been seeing each other everyday!
 
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