So I went out with this guy who I thought was perfect for me. We dated for 8 months cause it ended badly, he ended up cheating on me. We stopped talking for a long time and out of no where he texted me saying he was sorry. We keep our conversations friendly, we flirt but nothing too serious. We also have our periods though we won't talk for a couple of weeks and then he will text me out of no where and we begin talking again. My feelings for this guy have not faltered at all, I feel like he likes me but I'm kind of scared of telling him how i feel. What do you guys think? Should I tell him? Is there a possibility that he may like me still?
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Need Advice on A guy
- Thread starter hotguy765
- Start date
TX-Beau
FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE!
OK so you've been broken up longer than you were dating. I think that unless one of you has undergone some radical life changing experiences in the past year, you are both pretty much still the same two guys who couldn't make a go of it last time.
Revisit him five years down the line, in the meantime, go find some new and hopefully hot mistakes to make.
Men can change, if just a fact of life that it rarely happens in a year.
Revisit him five years down the line, in the meantime, go find some new and hopefully hot mistakes to make.
Men can change, if just a fact of life that it rarely happens in a year.
Shygui
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I wouldn't be so quick to forgive someone that cheated. It's too much of a trust issue, personally.
Like TX said, people change over time, but in this amount of time it would take a near death experience.
I'd be worried that your forgiveness (in his mind) would be a green light to cheat again.
Like TX said, people change over time, but in this amount of time it would take a near death experience.
I'd be worried that your forgiveness (in his mind) would be a green light to cheat again.
Males are born to cheat, so it's to be expected. And my opinion in that regard is that a relationship isn't worth much if you're willing to flush it due to the person making one mistake. Since it's obvious that you both still like each other, simply ask him if he wants to get back together. If he does, tell him that if he cheats one more time, that will definitely be the end of the relationship.
nfgrls
Porn Star
the loser already cheated on you once, whose to say you guys get together and say five years down the line he does it again
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The only question that matters is "Would anything be different this time?".
Until you can answer that with a confident "Yes", then keep things where they are are- civil yet distant conversation.
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It's interesting how quick some people are willing to cut someone out of your life. I wonder if they behave that way themselves and if so what saintly family, friends and spouses they must have. If I cut off everyone who caused me grief I'd pretty much be alone in a cave somewhere. Our life is not just what happens to us but how we respond to what happens to us.
Since when are there any guaranties in life? The beauty and richness of life is in the fact that there are none. Everything does not come crashing down because someone did or said this or that. Imagine a life of flat-lining. I'd rather be dead.
My partner and I have been together 28 years and as I've written before, it has not been a pink sand beach. It's been a cobblestone street and I'd be willing to kiss everyone one those stones because every wobble, every stumble and every twisted ankle gave us what we have today. We know we are loved and cherished; we know we are individuals; we know we have something unique; we know the other is compassionate and forgiving.
There would be no art, no literature and very little music if no one ever got hurt.
Since when are there any guaranties in life? The beauty and richness of life is in the fact that there are none. Everything does not come crashing down because someone did or said this or that. Imagine a life of flat-lining. I'd rather be dead.
My partner and I have been together 28 years and as I've written before, it has not been a pink sand beach. It's been a cobblestone street and I'd be willing to kiss everyone one those stones because every wobble, every stumble and every twisted ankle gave us what we have today. We know we are loved and cherished; we know we are individuals; we know we have something unique; we know the other is compassionate and forgiving.
There would be no art, no literature and very little music if no one ever got hurt.
I don't think there's any need to make more of things than they are. Deciding you might be open to seeing this guy again doesn't have to be a big deal. It doesn't mean he's the right person for you, or that you might not find yourself attracted to someone else or that one of a million or more things might happen to put you on separate paths again. Sure you might get hurt again as you might with anyone.
Also people tend to take up with others where they left off in previous relationships. So if you don't at least give it a shot with this guy, you tend to go back to the same issues with someone else. Not saying that you have to stay in something that doesn't work. But, seeing where things might go is nowhere near that point.
And finally I do think people take cheating out of all proportion. Is it better to be with someone who is as dull as death but never cheats? Not saying that cheating, going back on an agreement or breaching trust is a good thing or that everyone does it. But there is a neurosis or control that can grow up about it, which sets an emotional context for the cheating and for finding a reason to close the relationship out. It isn't always black or white. The facts of Schwarzenegger's cheating are not the same as a regretted one night stand.
So, I would keep things in perspective, as with anyone else you may not like the guy as you get to know him better, but my vote would be to at least be open to seeing where it goes. If things progress and you want an closed relationship, that needs to be agreed up front, and, if he cheats again, you can choose what works best for you at that point. Good luck.
Also people tend to take up with others where they left off in previous relationships. So if you don't at least give it a shot with this guy, you tend to go back to the same issues with someone else. Not saying that you have to stay in something that doesn't work. But, seeing where things might go is nowhere near that point.
And finally I do think people take cheating out of all proportion. Is it better to be with someone who is as dull as death but never cheats? Not saying that cheating, going back on an agreement or breaching trust is a good thing or that everyone does it. But there is a neurosis or control that can grow up about it, which sets an emotional context for the cheating and for finding a reason to close the relationship out. It isn't always black or white. The facts of Schwarzenegger's cheating are not the same as a regretted one night stand.
So, I would keep things in perspective, as with anyone else you may not like the guy as you get to know him better, but my vote would be to at least be open to seeing where it goes. If things progress and you want an closed relationship, that needs to be agreed up front, and, if he cheats again, you can choose what works best for you at that point. Good luck.
Molitor69
On the Prowl
Bravo and heck yeah I agree. All too often I see people break up with a 9 to end up with a 6. One mistake and they dumped their 9. He cheated once or fell in love with someone else? There is a difference, a big one. Multiple cheats and putting you second are a lot worse than a mistake of a fling. We are all human.
Too many things to quote at once so I'll just type this. I've found guys after breaking up with him, before we started dating for those 8 months we had been talking for 2 years. When I found out he had cheated I cut him out for a long time, I paid no attention to him, as if he didn't exist. The guy's looks never really mattered too me, he's hot, but that wasn't the reason I liked him. We had a connection, things flowed naturally between us and no one had to force the other to do things, if that makes sense. With the guys after him though, I guess I always tried to find some of his traits, but I couldn't so I quit dating. We're both single right now, his birthday is actually days from now. He's asking for a date, but i don't know how to approach that. I would jump at it, thing is all my past relationships I've been cheated on. Before me and him got together he swore up and down he was different. Thing is, he was like the others, it's hard to trust after that
nfgrls
Porn Star
As someone who has been cheated on, it doesnt matter how many times you do it cheating is cheating. I tried looking the other way because I loved him and didnt want to throw away a 4 year relationship but every time you are away from each other you are worried what they are doing if he's doing it again. Once you mess with someones trust its usually gone for good
I'm sorry to hear you've been cheated on. I understand, for me, trust is the most important thing in a relationship. I want a relationship where i won't have trust issues, wondering where he or she is and what they are doing
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Anyone is capable of cheating, even dogs run away, but it sounds like your mind is made up. Do want you want to do and don't do what you don't want to do. I wonder how many who have weighed in here have been cheated on but just don't know it.
](/images/smilies/bang.gif "Brick wall ](*,)")
you already know what you need to know about him. drop the matter..
eM/
It's not possible to give you a definite answer. We would need to literally observe your relationship in person just to have a somewhat accurate opinion.
Did you find out he was cheating because he acted suspiciously, and you dug? Did he tell or let slip his extracurricular activities? I'm assuming the first.
So you supposedly, and perhaps rightfully so, got angry. Was there guilt? There are many ways to express guilt--did he cry or become extremely defensive?
In any case, you were hurt and put up your wall, pushing him away, and now you've been text-teasing for however long. Perhaps his other boyfriend got boring and he's attempting to rekindle things with you, or maybe he's been giving you time to cool.
I do agree that most people that cheat will probably cheat again, but to some cheaters, cheating really isn't something as breaking as others make it to be. They see someone desirable, have sex, and then go back to the relationship mindset afterwards knowing they've got a great boyfriend. This may or may not be how your ex thinks.
He sounds like he wants back in though. If I were you, I would go back into the relationship guarded and prepared, and if he seems sincere, then keep going. If you ever feel like a cheat-wave is coming on, bring up the topic of an open relationship. I know I know, open relationships
, but if each of you is honest about who you're having sex with then at least there's trust. I hate to be a downer, but it seems to me most relationships don't last anyway and at least this way you'd have trust.
Did you find out he was cheating because he acted suspiciously, and you dug? Did he tell or let slip his extracurricular activities? I'm assuming the first.
So you supposedly, and perhaps rightfully so, got angry. Was there guilt? There are many ways to express guilt--did he cry or become extremely defensive?
In any case, you were hurt and put up your wall, pushing him away, and now you've been text-teasing for however long. Perhaps his other boyfriend got boring and he's attempting to rekindle things with you, or maybe he's been giving you time to cool.
I do agree that most people that cheat will probably cheat again, but to some cheaters, cheating really isn't something as breaking as others make it to be. They see someone desirable, have sex, and then go back to the relationship mindset afterwards knowing they've got a great boyfriend. This may or may not be how your ex thinks.
He sounds like he wants back in though. If I were you, I would go back into the relationship guarded and prepared, and if he seems sincere, then keep going. If you ever feel like a cheat-wave is coming on, bring up the topic of an open relationship. I know I know, open relationships
, but if each of you is honest about who you're having sex with then at least there's trust. I hate to be a downer, but it seems to me most relationships don't last anyway and at least this way you'd have trust.