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Need Advice

FloridaBoi

FloridaBoi

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I am planning on coming out to my best friend (a female) but I am still kinda nervous about the entire thing. I want to tell her because we are really close and I dont want any secrets between us. I dont want her to think that Ive been lieing to her which I sorta am at the moment.

I was just wondering if any of you guys can give me any advice. I was thinking about doing it thru text message but I dont know if that is such a good idea since it will be left on her phone for her boyfriend to see. I dont think he will have a problem with it since his own brother is gay. I'm just scared that she will freak out and tell everyone.

I am really ready to tell her though, I'm just not sure how.

Please help me guys im so confused on how to go about doing it.


-Matthew
 
Don't do it by text. It's extremely impersonal, they won't know if you're kidding (unless you make it extremely clear you're not).

Do it in person. Get her alone. Don't treat it like it's a huge secret - "Don't tell ANYONE!". Just tell her. "I've never told you I'm gay, and I think you deserve to know."

Lex
 
I've come out to a few female girls and trust me it's quite hard. I still can't outright tell people "I'm gay" when I'm coming out to them. The first girl I came out to, the process took around 30 minutes for me to get it out. In the end I wrote on a piece of paper "I'm bi" and gave it to her. She read it and then I tore the paper to shreds afterwards. She was totally supportive.

If your friend is really close with her boyfriend, be prepared that she might tell him too. Or she might not. But if you're close with him, you might as well come out to him too, he might be able to help you out since his bro is gay too. Anyways, if it's hard for you to say the words, write it down or something but I think this is something really personal and should be done in person ESPECIALLY if she is your best friend.
 
Well me and her boyfriend are good friends too. Its a weird situation. They are like on and off alot. He is madly inlove with her but I dont think that she loves him the same way and they both pull me to the side and pour out their hearts.

I ask them to please not put me in that situation to have to choose sides, But then again her being my best friend and all I feel like I betray her by not taking her side.

Anyways back to me. Yes he has a younger brother, I think hes the same age as me. He seems to be supportive of his brother he has never said anything bad about him or gay people in general.

I try to throw hints at them when Im around. I flirt with him, He lets me touch all over him and rub his feet and stuff lol which kinda makes me think that he knows im gay but hasnt said anything. I thought by me doing this my best friend (Meka) would catch my drift.

Maybe I will try to write it on paper like Providence suggested because honestly I dont think I would actually be able to say the words "Im gay" without crying in front of her and making the situation more awkward.

But all in all She is my best friend and I love her to death and I dont want to keep lieing to her.


-Matthew
 
Sometimes direct communication is the most heartfelt--that's why it takes a lot, because it means a lot.

Telling my best friend on IM was almost a disaster, mostly because he thought I was joking/lying and it made the whole thing awkward. Talking to him in person the next day was much better and the communication was clear and understandable.

I'd say that if she means a lot to you and you want to tell her, work up the courage to tell her in person or in some way that isn't a text message because the emotional connection and support when you're in person is worth it.

But I understand that it's difficult, and there's nothing wrong in that. But in your attempt to find an easier route, make sure that it doesn't sacrifice the earnestness (yes, it's actually a word) of your message.
 
Flirting with her man isn't the best way to hint at her that you're gay! Stop doing that. He's not gay and even if he was he's taken by your best friend.
 
You took that the wronge way, I dont want him, Hes one of my really good friends also and him and I are comfortable around one another.

Back to the issue, I think I am going to write it in a letter and give it to her and let her read it in front of me.


-Matthew
 
I didn't misunderstand what you said. I know you probably aren't interested in her boyfriend but it may piss her off once she does find out you're gay.

Writing a letter is a good idea, it's an easier outlet. The only con would be that while she's reading the letter, it might make you nervous as to "which part she's reading now", "what is going through her head right now", "I wonder if she's read the main part yet?". If I can give more advice, I'd just tell her beforehand there's something I've been meaning to talk to her about which isn't really the easiest topic to talk about. And then I'd just show her a piece of paper just saying "I'm gay" simple as that. You'll get her full reaction and then be able to talk about it in a more personal level. I think it's more personal level.

Of course you should do whichever you're most comfortable doing! Best of luck! Hope it goes well.
 
Haha, well if that's the way you feel most comfortable, then by all means go ahead :)
 
Write the letter for you to get your thoughts straight man, do NOT write the letter and give it to her. What is wrong with you dude? Your unsure about doing a text message for others to see or read, but your going to write a letter to her saying your gay? Writing on anything leaves proof of your words dude!

You need to call her and tell her you wan to talk to her about something that is important to you! She can take your words and believe or not believe you, and she can keep your conversation to herself or tell others. But to DO write a letter to her...that is pure suicide!
 
Or you could always say, "I'm like the Will to your Grace- I hear about all your boyfriend troubles and I never even get a boyfriend."
 
OMG OMG OMG Im freaking out! I just called and told her! Well I didnt actually say the word but heres what was said...


Me:Hey is anyone around you?

Her:No, Why?

Me:Because I have something important to tel you

Her:Whats it about?

Me:Its about me

Her:Oh

Me:Im scared to tell you

Her:Dont be scared, My cousin did this same thing to me, She called me and told me she had something to tell me, She told me that she was gay and she thought I might be mad and hate her for it and I told her No I will always love her.

I got quiet for a few minutes

Me:Well its pretty much the same thing that she called you about.

Her:So what, Theres nothing wronge with that, I love you, How long have you known?

Me:All my life, I trust you and love you and I felt like I was lieing to you so I wanted to tell you the truth.

Her:Well I love you, Does anyone else know?

Me:No, Your the only person Ive ever told, I know you will but please keep this between us.

Her:I will , thats none of neones business anyways, Are you going to come to my house 2night?

Me:Yeah We can talk more about it then.


So now im like totally freaking out! lol in both a happy and scared kinda way!


It feels like the world has been lifted off my shoulder! :D


-Matthew
 
Congrats! The first person is always the hardest. It gets much easier with each passing person, with perhaps the exception of you parents.

I'm sure your friendship will continue to grow closer. Good job. :)
 
Congrats, sweetie! I'm glad everything turned out alright. Doing it again for other people gets easier, too. :)
 
Congrats Mathew!!!!!

She sounds like a really great friend and someone who sees you for who you are not what you are!

I hope you have a great chat and a great night!
 
I went to her house last night and we sat in my car in the yard until 1am talking about it.

She supports me 100%, I'm so happy I finally did it. I cant believe I actually did it.

It felt so good to finally be able to talk to someone and have them understand and be accepting.

Im extremely happy today, Today is my birthday and this is the best present ever lol..



-Matthew
 
Telling in person (or on phone) is so much better, I think. Happy birthday, and welcome to the other side. ..|

Lex
 
Congratulations on telling her and I'm glad it went so well!

And, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

:bday::bday::bday:
 
just wait till you piss her off

I live with a woman who has a lot of gay guy friends and she outs them all the time

yea she's a psycho and kinda does it just because she can

No wait she's not a psycho she's a woman

Way to go dude that scary feeling is the sword she hangs over your head now

good luck
 
>>>No wait she's not a psycho she's a woman.

Hasn't kept you from dating one, I see. :)

Lex
 
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