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Need Advise On This One.
J

jka731

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So I need some advice. I know what the majority of what the advise is going to be, but if you have gone through it you will know why I am asking.

I am a single curious male 35 years old. I wouldn't consider myself even bi, although this experience is making me think different. When I come online at home it is basically to explore a little and to get off. I have never tried to meet any guy or anything. I am not interested in hooking up with guys online in all honesty.

This brings me up to 6 days ago. I am in a chat room and start to talk to this guy, nothing big just looking to talk and get off for the most part. We end up switching to messenger and talking there. To be honest it didn't go that well and didn't talk the next day, he kinda blew me off...no big deal to me either and was about to delete him from my messenger. Then all hell broke loose. To make a long story short....we have made the most amazing connection. As much as we knew it wasen't good it didn't matter.I told him I was younger, then had to admit I was older and he was ok with it. I thought he was older and told me he is younger, 19. I would usually be reluctant but like i said I cannot explain we connected in such a way it didn't matter. We talked online for 6 hours a day. We both admitted we were not looking, nor have looked for a relationship with a guy and were totally surprised at what was transpiring. We have been completely open about things and even admitted how there is a sense of being uncomfortable about all of it. He lives 3000 miles away, which is probably a good thing. I cannot explain everything but it is totally blowing my mind. He freaked out the other night about it all and I completely understood and agreed. we talked about it all and are good. We realize every negative aspect and kind of agree this is an impossible situation but we both admit this happened for a reason. Here is my problem, I cannot get this guy out of my mind, not in an obsessive or stalking way at all. I am not a weird guy nor do i sit at home and do nothing but it I get really bummed when we aren't talking. I still do everything I normally would and not sit at home depressed, but I constantly think about it. What the hell??? Please let me know what you think.
 
So why cant he just be a long distance friend. As you know you will never hook up.

you need to find something closer.

your probly into this as it sems exciting and new, but you would not act on it.
 
You may not have an "obsessive" thing for this guy, but it's causing you some serious pain. I did have an obsessive thing for a guy I met online. It's not good. It led to all sorts of terrible, negative thoughts. It drove me back into therapy for a while. The smartest piece of advice I got from the therapist was to stop going to the website where this guy posted. I did, and the obsession went away.

You're both freaking out, and it sounds like you're thinking too much about him. I would suggest deleting his contact information and not bothering with it any more. The feelings will go away, trust me.
 
We both know it is not going to evolve into any type of "relationship". I am not locating and have not thought about doing it and he is not coming out here we haven't even considered it. We have talked about meeting up sometime and both are open about it. buddy1970, I hear what you are saying and it is great points, but I can't just delete him. We have created a bond as friends too and it would be like deleting a friend. It is not negative thoughts, a little painful at times true but not bad. We still talk but have toned it down a bunch. We both know it is an online relationship right now and would only be like a long distant friends, and maybe a occasional meet up. It can be a long distant relationship and has to be but man this 19 year old has made me feel like I never thought I would. And the funny thing is it hasn't made me feel different about relationships with guys. Just him.
 
Not sure if you're uncomfortable about the fact that you both are connecting, that it's online, or he's male; you indicate that you r curious and that you went online to 'get off' n found someone to assist in that, but amazingly you've connected, what's wrong with that, and why put restrictions on it; he can turn out to be one of your closest friends for a lifetime or can become that w/benefits, y restrict. Value that you are connecting, because you never know, it just may be like a shooting star, here then gone.
 
Try to come out in some way in real life... I know it's really hard, but... basically, you have to come out completely. You can't just be an online gay. That doesn't work, and is very unhealthy trust me....

Most gay chat rooms are filth, just sex cess pools. I mean if that's your thing go ahead. But can you love an actual man or is it just a 'get off' thing with you. They buy dildos for that you know. No need to get another person involved.

Some of us are romantically attracted to men, we can love and take care of them. We're just not sexually attracted. In fact, if all you are is sexually attracted and cannot be responsible enough to commit in some other way, I would say then you are just giving the haters fuel to discriminate us and you side with the enemy. Sexual orientation is no excuse to act like a whore and to possibly spread illnesses. If you view men as a 'just getting off thing' BE SMART AND BUY A dildo OR MALE Real Doll
 
Well thanks for the input guys. augustus you actually hit the nail on the head and its kinda just that now. Things have mellowed within and between each other. It is totally cool right now, and we are both accepting of the limitations and what it is. slnattak I kind of get what you are saying, I am not gay, bi would be the extent of it if that. So I do not see too much of a need to "come out" in all honestly. Dildos and male sex dolls really don't interest me so that isn't anything I would do. If two people want to do something online and it doesn't hurt anyone, I don't see what the harm is. I do not think I give the haters any fuel and I absolutely do not side with them in any way. Kind of offended you would put me in that category but you do not know me at all so it's no biggie. I do not hook up so I don't act like a whore or spread diseases. Not too sure where you came up with that idea in my description of what is going on. Seems you have some extra bitterness for some reason.
 
Go for it and then you can see the situation from a different point but most of the time such big age differences dont work out. Im 19 and hung out with a guy who was 38... he was hot but it didn't work out
 
I think you are mistaking intensity for intimacy. I also think that one reason for the intensity is the anonymity provided by the web. You can say whatever you like with this guy without fear of reprisal or judgement.

Most curious guys I've known in my life weren't gay at all. They just wanted another facet to a male freindship that is very hard to find especially in this society.

I am gay and I've been in relationships with straight curious guys before. No sex really, just a lot of grab-assing and shit. They didn't work out very well for the long term.

What you need to do is find a guy like yourself, locally, and see where it goes. You will have to check the paranoia at the door though.

If you don't think you can keep this thing with this net guy in perspective, then just back out of it.
 
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