need an advice =(

[greathollow]

hi guys.
i know its LOOOOOOOOOONG but its important so please if you have time & experience in this field help me out!! am begging for help
i havent been on for so long now.
for the past few months i've been in a realtionship with a guy , now everything went perfect untill the day everything was shattered.
i met him through an online dating site with a purpose of us being a couple eventually.
from the 1st day we met he told me he still talk on the phone with his EX. (this EX betrayed him with another guy). he told me he EX he having a hard time because of there time as a couple has ended.
so he told me he just comforts him with talking & with him on the phone.
he told me it'll take about 2 months until he tells he's EX to stop calling & now that he have a life of his own , i waited & waited after 2 months i asked & asked he started yelling at me telling me not to tell him what to do , or who am i to tell him to stop talking with hes EX . so did stop asking about it & gave him more time. i live almost an hour driving away from the guy am with right now , & almost every single time hes EX calls & i spend 10-30 minutes being silent because he doesnt dare telling hes EX that he is with some1 right now & this drives me nuts but i suffer & keep it all inside me. could u imagine being with some1 you love & then when he EX calls u have to stfu so the guy ur with!!! can have a nice talk with the EX =(.(hurts like hell).1 time i was with him in bed & he stoped the sex with me (2 times already) so he could talk to the EX =(.1 time i told my guy that i'll leave in 10 minutes.. then after few minuts the EX called & they spent 35++ minutes on the phone talking... so later i had to go so i had to say goodbye to him really quite & not even get a kiss or a hug.. because of the EX.
later he called me after he finished. we started talking about this , i told him i got sick of this & cant handle it anymore , i told him its either me or your EX the one who betrayed you , he told me not to take him to this place where he have to choose , anyway he told me if i want we could stop seeing each other for a month & in this time he'll end all these phone calls with the EX once & for all. i was shocked... i told him are you kidding me?!! are you really looking for a couple with true love?!! this is bullsh*t!! he prefer me going away so you could make the EX feel better (btw all there talks are just pure crap & nonesense , i never felt like he actually comforting him & helping him getting over him or the pain of the breakup)
that die i apologized & said i'll continue what we have & try not to be annoyed with the EX phone calls.
1 time i was at hes palce , i made it home & logged in & there i saw him in the dating site where we met. saw him logged in.(yes i had a secret account that i used only to spy on him because i couldnt trust him.) he told me he just wanted to check something.
1 time we where together in bed. so he got an sms saying , he its from *name of the site* asking about how is he doing.... could it be that hes cheating on me?! could it be?!!! still the distance is big between us so he can & i couldnt know.
i ignored many things or lies because i really fell in love with him!!
we continued with the problems & broke up =(. we're still together but as friends trying to make a realtionshop works!! i am doing the best i can - am not lying- not cheating on him nothing!!
last week i was in hes place
we started having sex , i started sucking & it took him a while to get it hard.
anyway once it got hard.. i kept on sucking but then i started feeling hes penis just going back to sleep which have never happened to us!!then it got hard again & right after he got into me!! hes penis went to sleep again i felt so stupid angry & frustrated!! wth? imagine u sucking for some1 then hes penis just goes into sleep...i asked for explanation , he said hes too tired.!! is it even possible..
with your penis being hard & a guy sucking for you could it go down.. knowing that it never happened to us .i thought to myself maybe he had sex today reason it took him so long to get it hard. anyway we talked about it & even though i werent satisfied with the answer i just let it go.
today we were talking on the messenger.. now i felt that he isnt completely with me... that he is doing something buisness , so i asked & he said no am only with u & maybe there is connection problems , i knew he was lying.. i logged in this dating site & there he was online... so there goes a proof for a lie!!!!! & now hes angry at me for not believing him..
PLEASE!!! help me !! tell me what to do?? i love him so much & he hurt me so much!! i dont know what to do without him.. & btw i dont feel any love from him at least in most times.
am begging you for help.. what to do.. should i suffer more? hoping to actually be a couple with him or should i just end it & feel PAIN!!!
i dont know what to do.

 

[FurSeattle]

hi guys.
i know its LOOOOOOOOOONG but its important so please if you have time & experience in this field help me out!! am begging for help
i havent been on for so long now.

Sounds like a lot of drama. Dump him and forget him. There will be others.

 

[greathollow]

Sounds like a lot of drama. Dump him and forget him. There will be others.

thanks of the advice... but no ty..
its not as easy as it sounds

 

[jimbill]

Move on.

Nothing you said indicates this is a long-lasting relationship. I'm being blunt on purpose. You want different things. You want a relationship with someone this guy is not like.

 

[Seasoned]

What would you tell your best friend if he/she came with this story? Go back and suffer some more? Loving someone who abuses you either emotionally or physically says more about you than the abuser. If you were my friend who kept coming back with this story I'd keep telling you to leave and if you kept refusing I'd eventually tell you to stop telling the story.

Some people in bad relationship end up murdered or murderers.

 

[gingentleman]

From everything you have said, it sounds like this guy is not over the ex, and isn't likely to be over him anytime soon. I suggest you disengage from him and start dating other guys. There are a lot of men out there who would like to be in a serious relationship and who will not cheat on you or give you reasons to mistrust them. Cheers!

 

[spiderhead]

thanks of the advice... but no ty..
its not as easy as it sounds

Actually it IS that easy. There are plenty of fish in the sea and this one's a throwback.

 

[4older]

There's really no sense in being in a relationship with someone that doesn't make you a priority in their life. If he's taking calls from the ex in the middle of sex it's not only awkward but disrespectful.

 

[greathollow]

i do agree with all the things you said , but how am i suppose to make it less painfull? i feel sorry for him & love him so much at the same time =(
i've had enough heart ache from the day i was born , specially with the fact that i am gay its really noy acceptable in my community. we broke up once & felt so bad & really didnt enjoy anything else.. even tried sex with other guys after the break up but i still have feelings for him. how to make it go away?
for me he was special beacause i am chubby boy & i like older men , he accepted me , many other men just dont like chubbies like me or if they do they're not looking for realtionship.

anyway thanks for the advice guys , & 1 last request is how to forget him? how to break up & not feel any pain if it's even possible.

 

[greathollow]

From everything you have said, it sounds like this guy is not over the ex, and isn't likely to be over him anytime soon. I suggest you disengage from him and start dating other guys. There are a lot of men out there who would like to be in a serious relationship and who will not cheat on you or give you reasons to mistrust them. Cheers!

i do think so myself & told him few time that i think you still love him.
they broke up 2 years ago because the EX cheated on him & he told me from the 1st time he hate liers & he wants full honesty.
he's saying hes EX threatened him to suicide... & the guy am with is a phsycologist so he claiming to help him until he actually feels that he is good to go.

 

[Letenant]

It's going to hurt. If it didn't, you probably weren't quite as attached as you thought.

Probably the best things to do are to develop a pattern that includes getting out again. Not necessarily hunting for a replacement, but social contact and engagement to keep you from dwelling too much in isolation.

 

[FuryOfFirestorm]

To quote Dan Savage: DTMFA

(Dump The Mother Fucker Already)

 

[mbamike]

You don't have a chance with this guy until HIS ex is TOTALLY out of the picture.

You need to forget him and move on with your life.

 

[stevexxx]

i had a similar experience with my ex girlfriend.
how you going to love someone who don't love you.
you love him and all but he is obviously not that into you. i know you are emotionally unstable at the moment but thats no excuse for being ignorant. just let the dude go. he is not going to change and you should stop trying to. the only person that can change hjim is himself

 

[Lefty]

I really hope part of you is jesting here.

1. what ex? 35 min phone calls, chats while you are fucking? yelling at you
because you are so crude and insensitive as to want 'boyfriend' time.

2. damn, when we get together this friday for beers and giggles bring this
prize, this pearl of great price...make us tgingle with jealosy...yes, flaunt the
fact that you have a really big dick now......and its fucking you everyway but
loose.

3. Well, fact is his dick could never be as big a prick as he is. If you don't grow
a set of balls and show this shitpile what an EX is then you have two choices,
verify that great hollow refers to the space holding your ears apart
or convert to lesbianism.

4. okay, lefty is not brutal and yes he does understand....but...why don't you?


i

 

[Wcw10891]

what i dont understand is that you ask for advice, alot of people say break up with him, and then yous ay "no thank you, its not that easy" then why even ask for advice? i dont understand that. you seem like a sensible guys, and you know what the right thing is for you.

most people don't change, and with you allowing him to take the phone calls and sit there and be silent, is just allowing the behavior to keep going. so if your not willing to step up, then i say good luck cause this is what its goign to be like for the rest of your relationship.

i unfortunatly don't have a heart, so i can drop people really easily, and i dont understand how you have put up with this PS he is putting you through all this time,

good luck with everything. hope you make the right desicion and drop him. cause he obviously doesn't care about you, no matter what he says, if he actually cared abotu you he wouldnt talk ont he phone with you still there, asking yout o be quiet, sounds liek he is just int he relationship with you cause he knows you wont leave and that he holds all the power.

 

[FurSeattle]

What I got from your message is that you're madly in love with him, but doesn't sound like he loves you. Trying to force that to happen can only lead to disaster.

As to how do you make those feelings go away? Think about the fact that he doesn't care about you in the way you want him to.

This may sound harsh but this is the last time I'll read this thread because everyone is saying the same thing and it's not what you want to hear. But before I bid you adieu and wish you good luck please try to see it from the opposite perspective. What if someone (not him--just someone) was madly in love with you and you didn't have those same feelings for him? Chances are you'd wish he would go away, leave you alone, and get on with his life.

Which, to be blunt, is what you should do. It may hurt for a long time but at least you won't be working yourself into a frenzy as you are now.

 

[greathollow]

What I got from your message is that you're madly in love with him, but doesn't sound like he loves you. Trying to force that to happen can only lead to disaster.

As to how do you make those feelings go away? Think about the fact that he doesn't care about you in the way you want him to.

This may sound harsh but this is the last time I'll read this thread because everyone is saying the same thing and it's not what you want to hear. But before I bid you adieu and wish you good luck please try to see it from the opposite perspective. What if someone (not him--just someone) was madly in love with you and you didn't have those same feelings for him? Chances are you'd wish he would go away, leave you alone, and get on with his life.

Which, to be blunt, is what you should do. It may hurt for a long time but at least you won't be working yourself into a frenzy as you are now.

ty all for the advices , i think i am gonna break up with him. because i've been thinking about what some1 said , that if i am not hes 1st Priority then its already a bad sign.. thanks alot for the help. now i just need to think how to tell him to go fk himself :S.

 

[Letenant]

ty all for the advices , i think i am gonna break up with him. because i've been thinking about what some1 said , that if i am not hes 1st Priority then its already a bad sign.. thanks alot for the help. now i just need to think how to tell him to go fk himself :S.

Don't spend too much energy on that. Wish him luck and say goodbye. If he suddenly discovers he wants you, it's too late.

 

[greathollow]

i broke up with him
the pain is devastating
now what??? i cant carry on!! i feel so sad i might kill myself!!