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Need Help. Don't know what to do.

Bryan2o07

Bryan2o07

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No one that i know knows that i'm gay. My parents had suspicions and everything but I reassured them that they were being stupid. I just can't handle it anymore and i don't know what to do. Please Help. Anything would be great.
 
How important is it that you remain closeted? Do you live at home? Do you have close friends? What do you fear might happen when you come out?

Lex
 
Yes i'm at home. My father is heavily family influenced. His family are not gay friendly at all or so it appears. I've got close friends that are straight and i dunno how they would react to me being gay. My best friend is a straight guy and him and I have talked about becoming roommates and i dunno how to tell him about me and how I am.
 
Well, perhaps your best friend might be the best place to start. Not counting the "gay thing", do you feel you can share things with him? Like, if you were fighting with your parents, or were having some generic depression issues, do you feel like you could go to him and talk about it? Then chances are good he'll be OK with this, as well. If you do decide to tell him, find a private place to talk, and open up. You might want to reassure him that you're NOT interested in him (lest there's any misunderstanding), but you just need someone you can confide in - someone to talk to.

Give it some thought. Feel free to post more here if you have more questions, or if you want to send me a private message, click on my name to the left there, and select "send private message". Either way will work.

Good vibes your way. ..|

Lex
 
Well I'm 18
Pretty soon i'll be moving out but it might not be for another 4-6 months
I can trust him with anything that i tell him. I've been friends with him for too long to be interested in him. He is more like another brother to me than anything else.
It's just that its the fact that he has never said that he is cool with having any gay friends or that he doesn't even like the idea of having a gay friend.
This probably doesn't help either but i was dating his girlfriends cousin(girl) to keep my family and him from being suspicious but i never told her and we both agreed to break up before any feelings were hurt. Btw she doesn't know either.
 
Your friend sounds like a good bet then. Just find a good place to talk to him. Not in your bedroom - that's got some connotations you don't want to make. Out in a park, coffee shop, wherever. I think things will be OK with him. He sounds like a good egg. :)

Lex
 
How do you think that he'll react. Just askin cause i did date his gf's cousin and he knew that i did. In fact we did alot of double dates and everthing with him and his gf. I think that i might confuse him more than anything. Why does this have to be soo hard to do........
 
>>>How do you think that he'll react. Just askin cause i did date his gf's cousin and he knew that

Honestly, I don't think he'll mind that much, unless you just broke up with her yesterday. :) Just tell him you weren't sure yet if you were gay. Maybe you had some feelings, weren't sure if they were real or not, so you thought you'd try dating girls to see what happened. You seem to have left on good terms with her, so that shouldn't be too much of a problem. Feel free to bring that up, so he knows you're thinking about it.

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
>>>How do you think that he'll react. Just askin cause i did date his gf's cousin and he knew that

Honestly, I don't think he'll mind that much, unless you just broke up with her yesterday. :) Just tell him you weren't sure yet if you were gay. Maybe you had some feelings, weren't sure if they were real or not, so you thought you'd try dating girls to see what happened. You seem to have left on good terms with her, so that shouldn't be too much of a problem. Feel free to bring that up, so he knows you're thinking about it.

Lex
Click to expand...

so you are sayin that he's my best bet to come out to first??
 
Of the people you've listed, he sounds like the person you're closest to. The one you can sit down and say, "I'm having this problem" or "this issue", and he'll listen, and try to be a good friend.

Lex
 
hey man, when i came out to my str8 best friend who was homophobic, i thought he was gonna hate me and never wanna speak to me again, but it was the opposite.. we have been friends for maybe 7 years and he is my biggest supporter!!! i say come out to your friend, youre gonna have to eventualy anyway so u might as well do it soon!!! he will understand!! good luck!!
 
So i need to basically work up the courage to tell him that i'm gay and tell him.
 
It's not something that's easily "worked up to". You'll start convincing yourself "you're not ready" or "the time isn't right". So just leap in. See if he'll meet you tonight somewhere where you can talk.

Lex
 
OK...
Tell me if this is a good idea...
Call him tell him that one of my good friends just came out to me and i don't know what to do and i ask him what would he do in this situation
 
And i guess what makes this all harder is the fact that my parents are divorced and i was the oldest so everyone looked to me to be the man of the house and take care of everyone. I just don't know if i'd be letting people down cause i'm supposed to be the one to do everything first ya know.
 
>>>OK... Tell me if this is a good idea...Call him tell him that one of my good friends just came out to me and i don't know what to do and i ask him what would he do in this situation.

I'd say no. Hit it head on.

Take him somewhere semi-private.
Tell him you really need to talk to him about something private.
Tell him how much you appreciate his friendship, and that he's been like a brother to you (that'll come in handy later).
Tell him you feel that he's the one you can trust with this information, and so you're turning to him.
Then tell him you're gay.
Not "I think I might be gay". "I'm gay."
Assure him that no, you don't have feelings for him, but he's the one you feel most comfortable telling.
And tell him that all you REALLY wanted to do is tell someone, so they know.

Lex
 
The general rule is to come out first to the people who are most likely to be favorable. Having their support when facing the most difficult people to come out to, usually parents, makes it all very much easier.

It does bear repeating that it's important to know that you will be physically safe no matter what happens. Many, many, men here have had awful reactions from their parents. Lots of anger and sadness. If that is the reaction of your parents don't think it's the end of the world. It may take time, but they usually come around to being tolerant and even supportive. Just realize that their initial reaction may be one of shock. Be sure to read the Grieving Process thread at the top of this forum.

If you worry your parents will kick you out, try to arrange to have someplace to go. Maybe a relative's house, a family friend, a friend of yours. Pack a bag beforehand to take with you. Have the numbers and addresses of GLBT support organizations in your pocket in case you need their help.

When coming out to my friends, particularly those with whom I've known for a long time, I made it a point to tell them explicitly that I had no interest in them. Some of my friends are very good looking too. I explained that I saw them as any straight guy sees another, I wasn't turned on by them in any way, nor was I going to try to make them gay either. These things may sound silly but it kept those little demons we all have from popping into their heads and imagining I had hidden motives for being their friend.

When the time comes to come out to your parents, tell the friends you have come out to when you will do this. Ask them to wait nearby or someplace where they can answer their phones. Ask them to give you encouragement and help. They can be an invaluable resource. Do you know any adult friends of your parents or parents of your friends who might be gay-friendly? Confiding to them can be a big help too because they can act as intermediaries, speaking to your parents if your parents find they can't speak openly to you or you to your parents.

All of this is to give you the most support you can possibly have when telling your parents. If you're prepared with phone numbers, friends waiting to hear from you, GLBT community resources, and maybe an adult relative or friend who you can turn to if the worst happens, then the process will be MUCH easier for you. Be sure to give your parents information about PFLAG. Help them find the support they will need to come to terms. PFLAG can be a great resource for your parents because they can speak to other parents who have gone through the same thing. The more support they get, the easier and more quickly they can come to a state of acceptance.

Only you can judge when it's the right time for you. If that time is now then it's now. I can say that while it's difficult, at least part of you will feel better that you're out and that feeling will grow as time goes on. It will give you self-confidence and take a big weight off your shoulders.

Good luck!
 
But i can't tell him right away. Is there like the right moment kinda thing that you can wait for and then say something?
 
G-Lexington said:
>>>OK... Tell me if this is a good idea...Call him tell him that one of my good friends just came out to me and i don't know what to do and i ask him what would he do in this situation.

I'd say no. Hit it head on.

Take him somewhere semi-private.
Tell him you really need to talk to him about something private.
Tell him how much you appreciate his friendship, and that he's been like a brother to you (that'll come in handy later).
Tell him you feel that he's the one you can trust with this information, and so you're turning to him.
Then tell him you're gay.
Not "I think I might be gay". "I'm gay."
Assure him that no, you don't have feelings for him, but he's the one you feel most comfortable telling.
And tell him that all you REALLY wanted to do is tell someone, so they know.

Lex
Click to expand...

..|..| Lex is right. Don't invent a story. Now is the time for raw truth.
 
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