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Need Help. Don't know what to do.

>>>And i guess what makes this all harder is the fact that my parents are divorced and i was the oldest so everyone looked to me to be the man of the house and take care of everyone. I just don't know if i'd be letting people down cause i'm supposed to be the one to do everything first ya know.

Dude, you're gay, not helpless. :) Many a gay man is the "man of the house" or the caretaker of the family. Being gay means precisely one thing - the people you're attracted to are male. That's it. NOTHING else. You can still be "manly" or a sports fan or listen to rock music or an athlete or everything else a man is supposed to be. You can still be the man of the house. You'll just be gay. :)

And as for a "right moment", they hardly ever come by. And when they happen to, you'll never be ready for them...and then the moment passes. And you'll think, "Oh, I could've told him THEN if I had been ready. Well, when the NEXT one comes..." And it just keeps getting pushed back.

If you'd like, you can try writing out what you want to tell him, and then handing it to him to read. I wouldn't e-mail it, though - those things have a way of finding themselves places you'd rather not see them.

Lex
 
But how will i explain it to him. I've told him that he is one of my closest friends and i guess i don't want him to feel betrayed cause i didn't tell him before now and everthing.
 
Simple enough. You weren't ready, and you weren't sure. You found yourself attracted to guys at one point, but didn't want to immediately announce "a-ha, I'm gay". It could've just been a phase of some sort. You wanted to be sure. And now, you are. :)

Lex
 
Tell him the truth. You just weren't ready to do it. Let him know that he is, however, the first person you're telling because you trust him the most. If he's as good a friend as you say then he'll understand how hard it is for you and be supportive. A good friend won't think what you're worrying he will.
 
Straight Americans need... an education of the heart and soul. They must understand - to begin with - how it can feel to spend years denying your own deepest truths, to sit silently through classes, meals, and church services while people you love toss off remarks that brutalize your soul. ~Bruce Bawer, The Advocate, 28 April 1998


Is it werid that i feel this way about the whole situation. I mean i think that the people that i am most scared of coming out to is my family because of my dads side being anti-gay and everything and my moms side just ignoring it and acting like they don't know that the person they love is gay. And the fact that this quote describes me almost excatly.
 
Well the part about the people that i love saying these remarks because my little brother does it all the time and i don't think he realizes how much it hurts to be called those things.
 
Probably because he doesn't know that i'm gay yet but anyways..... Hows a good way to tell my best friend that i'm gay without it being awkword.
 
My (older) brother was big on the "fag" comments, especially through high school, and still somewhat through college. Once I came out, they stopped cold. He and his wife have my partner and me over for dinner all the time, and they had us babysit their baby a few weekends ago. I don't hold a grudge for the terms my brother bandied about so freely earlier in life - he was young and ignorant. :)

It's going to be kinda awkward anyway you do it. I think the less awkward you can make YOUR side, the less awkward it'll be for him as well.

Lex
 
The calmer and smoother you can say what you want to say, the less awkward it'll be for him. If you get horribly flustered, or stretch it out for a really long period of time, it'll make it weirder for him. Go over in your mind what you want to say until you've got it down. If you want to write it down for yourself, and just read it from the paper, that's fine, too, if you think it'll help.

Lex
 
so you are saying that i should just come out to him and say that i'm not interesed in him that he is more like a brother to me and that he is the one person that i trust enough to tell and i shouldn't wait until i've got the courage to tell him but just come out and say it.
 
But then if i waited until i thought that i was ready then he might get more upset because i didn't tell hiim say like before we moved in togehter.
 
>>>so you are saying that i should just come out to him and say that i'm not interesed in him that he is more like a brother to me and that he is the one person that i trust enough to tell and i shouldn't wait until i've got the courage to tell him but just come out and say it.

Yes, but with sentence breaks. ;)

Lex
 
Well of course i' use them but stiil i'm gonna be nervous as hell when i go to do it. Any pointers on how to relieve the nerves before going to do it.
 
Just generic ones. Deep breaths. Focus on the positive. And trust your friend to be the friend you know he is. :)

Lex
 
I just need to find out a day to do it cause hes workin now and im workin during the weekend but will that make things worst that i gotta wait... i just want it to go perfect
 
Cause i dont want my friendship to go down the drain and everything. It'd make it eaiser for me if i was with someone i think
 
"Perfect" is relative. If you come through it still friends - and I think you will - then it was "perfect". :) Just find a time you can have a bit of time together to talk.

Lex
 
Pretty soon i'll be moving out but it might not be for another 4-6 months
Click to expand...

Well, then be patient. Six months is just 26 weeks. Surely you can survive that long if you can't find your balls and tell your parents that you're gay.

....but sorry honey, treating your parents like they were stupid isn't going to help when you finally come out....and I wonder if you're more worried about coming out or looking like a furtive and dishonest person in their eyes.

...just remember, they probably lied to their parents when they were growing up so they should understand that part of it at least.


....and yes, you have to tell your friend before you move in together. If he takes it well, then great. If he's not mature enough to deal with it, then you'll just have to make alternate living arrangements.
 
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