Need help figuring things out

[r3dw0lf360]

hi my name is Alan and im not really sure what i am. all i know is im scared as hell to be myself around anyone. i dont have many friends and as far as i know all of them are the usual type of guys, all very manly in their macho way and dont seem to have much of a femenine side unlike me, does this make me weird? will they hate me for it? i know i dont fit in much with anyone really but i was hoping i could maybe have someone to talk to, someone who hopefully help plz...

 

[vater292]

Re: How to come out?

Hi Alan, no being yourself doesnt make you weird. I understand what you are saying about not really being yourself around friends. A lot of my friends growing up were like you had said pretty like you said, manly.I also felt like I couldnt really be myself at times. There were occasions that I kind of let things slip (before I came out), one time I told a friend he looked really good when he was complaining about having to wear a suit. Kind of awkward, but he didnt really think that much of it.

Whether your friends will hate you for being yourself, really only you can tell if they would because you know them. I would hope if they are your friends it really shouldnt matter. For me so far non of my friends has cared one way or the other and hasnt really changed anything. Not sure I have helped really, but truthfully when you start really being yourself it just makes thing easier you dont have to think before you do or say something.

Also what specifically do you mean by you have more of a feminine side?

 

[r3dw0lf360]

Re: How to come out?

thank you, its very comforting and hopefully none of my friends will hate me. as for the femenine thing, im not really sure, i mean it may have something to do with the fact that i grew up with my four sister and mum but guys dont seem to talk about thier feeling much and even if they do its mostly macho bullshit, i just dont know why its so apparently wrong to be honest with not only yourself but also with others, i would never judge a boy for crying, i actually think its quite sweet. i just dont understand why we all have to act as if were made of stone.
also ive always whished i was pretty.

 

[vater292]

Re: How to come out?

I know what you mean about guys not expressing their feelings at times. I honestly do it myself,I don't like to express my feelings at times. There really is nothing wrong with showing your feelings. Also, there is nothing wrong with being honest with yourself and others. Truthfully you should be honest with yourself foremost, and being honest with others will come. I personally don't really see being expressive of your feelings as really being feminine. Have you ever tried expressing your feelings around your friends, was there any kind of judgement from them? Or are you just worried about doing it, since they don't really show their feelings?

 

[Eagle653]

Hi R3, I think you'll find this a common situation among many of us here. In other words, you aren't alone. You don't mention how old you are, and if you're talking about guys the same age as you or what. In some ways, it doesn't matter because this problem exists at most ages, but it would be helpful to know how old you are so we know if we're talking about teens, guys in their 20's, 30's, or older.

Anyway, you basically have two choices. One is to keep your current circle of friends and get by best you can, as uncomfortable as that sometimes is, or broaden your circle of friends to include guys who aren't go gung-ho macho and have more of a softer side, or are at least multi-dimensional. Tell us more about you, and whether this option is realistic for you.

 

[r3dw0lf360]

well im eighteen and most of my friends are my age but a few are a couple years older. we usually go out and stoned but theres usually a freeparty or something every other weekend so we get mashed then so other than that not much really, i live in a small town in England and there isnt much to do. plus theres WAAAY too many chavs and douchebags, id say only 10% of people ive met are decent human beings.

 

[Seasoned]

It took me a long time to come out and I was isolated even though I always had friends. I married a woman and had two children before I realized I needed to be me or else wither into a zombie type of life. I deserved better and so did my son and daughter.

As with other things in life I learned that I needed to feel the fear and do it anyway. You'll make similar decisions, I think, when your fear of being possibly rejected by friends becomes less than your frustration at not being yourself. Now it's time to be gentle with yourself as you move towards self-acceptance.

Check in here as often as necessary and pm anyone with whom you're comfortable. You will find support here. Best wishes.

 

[r3dw0lf360]

thank you all for your support, great to finally talk about this stuff

 

[Durango95]

What do you mean by feminine exactly? I'm confused. Do you mean you like to wear women's clothes or do you mean you are more sensitive than the "guys" that are your friends around you. I mean the fact you are on a gay site says something. I don't know what exactly.

 

[r3dw0lf360]

both i guess

 

[BrendonM91]

Hey buddy, you need to empty your inbox out, I can't message you atm.