Need help... kinda?

[sillygame]

Hey guys!
So it is one of those days, where I’m feeling kinda sad and a bit depressed.
Most of you will think it’s exagerated and cheesy but it is how I feel.
To sum things up, I’m a 24 gay guy from France and I just want to know what’s wrong with me.
I am a hopeless romantic. I believe in true love and one of my biggest wishes is to find love, my soul mate, my other half. But as time goes by, I begin to fear I might die alone... I know Im being over the top but thats truthfully how I feel.
I am on several dating apps (Id rather say hook-up apps) and I know that these are not meant to find love, that I should delete them from my phone but I just cant help it and I try to convince myself everyday that maybe I’ll find someone interesting, someone nice. But it always end up the same.
I go on dates, I meet guys. Some dates are awful, some very good. But there’s always something going wrong at some point. The guy doesn’t give news or I realize there is something I dont like and I dont want to see them again. Do I have high expectations and standards? Probably. And I would like to change but, easier said than done.
The other thing is the gay community. I’m loosing hope everyday. The thing I see and hear... I realize that stability is not for the gays and it scares the shit out of me... because I want something stable, and guys prefer to fuck and move on.
The other thing is envy, jealousy. Its stupid I know but whenever I see a gay couple on Tv or in the street, it saddens me, because I realize that I might not end up with a guy I love, and who loves me back.
Dont get me wrong I have great friends, an amazing family and a good job. The only thing missing is love and it scares me. Really. And I hate myself sometimes for being like this.
So yeah thats pretty much it. If you guys have advice, things to say, I would gladly read you.

 

[TX-Beau]

Just let me say for all of us who can no longer see 24 in our life's wake - you're barely an adult, you may begin complaining when you hit 55 or so and no luck.

OK so what are your standards that no one seems to meet? There are standards - like no dating a liar, and then there is nit-picking. Like no dating someone who doesn't make X amount of cash.

What criteria are you using?

 

[Seasoned]

There’s no “right way” to find love. That’s why there are novels, movies, plays, etc all with different stories.

Why the deadline? Just keep doing what you’re doing as casually as possible, and as optimistic as possible. Passing judgement on the gay community only creates inner negativity. Everyone is different. Learn to accept what you can’t control. Increase your number of gay friends.

 

[sillygame]

Thanks for you messages guys!

TX-Beau : yeah I know, I am in no position to complain. I’m young and still have my life ahead of me. But it is the state of mind I am in right now. I feel like if I don’t find the right guy right now it’ll be more and more difficult to find the one as time goes by, see what I mean? One of my biggest fears is to be 50-60, still single and still looking for hookups to satisfy my «*needs*» and lack of affection.
And to answer your questions I guess and admit that it is more nit-picking than anything else. I would never not date someone because he doesnt win a certain amount of money, or because he doesnt have a good job. I am not shallow. The thing that usually happens is distance, the guy doesn’t live in my city. Or it is the way they act during the first date, like not asking about me, my experiences, asking questions when I am! They usually talk about themselves and that’s a big turn off. I want to give them second chances but a few days go by and that’s a no. Don’t want to see them again.
I want endless conversations, caring and getting interested to each other, laughing and making fun of each other. And it never happens! So yeah, I hope I answered right.

Seasoned : I know you’re right. Everyone keeps telling me that. Love will come when it’ll come, there’s no need to rush things up. But like I said, I’m scared of ending up alone.
As for the gay friends... I don’t know. I know myself and I don’t get along with guys. I only get along when it comes to seduction, you know what I mean. And you don’t do that with friends. But you’re right. The only thing is where to meet and make gay friends? I hate gay places and on Grindr guys are not here to be friends...

 

[mcbrion]

I understand everything you're saying, except for "I don't get along with guys." What does that mean? That you can't be friends with someone unless there's "something in it for me"?

As for the "I realize that stability is not for the gays and it scares the shit out of me...", that's self-defeating thinking. Gay culture is VERY young (less than 50 years out in the open. in terms of time, that is nothing in terms of genuine spiritual change) and so the behaviors you see are the result of "adolescent sentience." If it were a country, and only 50 years old, would you expect it to have gone through all its "growing up" issues? The United States took 300 years before it abolished slavery and then another 100 years to write equality into law. Never mind that peoples' hearts hadn't changed that much in 400 years. So, No. At least I'd expect you wouldn't think people grow up fast. Especially nowadays.
That said, there are many guys who share your hopes for a soul mate. You need to get in with the "right crowd," and the "right crowd" for you is people with a strong spiritual center. Covered over with loving natures. As a therapist once told me, "85% of the people in this world couldn't care if you lived or died. 10% can take you or leave you. 5% will want you in their lives. Your job is to FIND that 5%." So, I'll say the same to you. I was never worried that I wouldn't find a loving guy, but I still made mistakes along the way. But along with those "mistakes," came some validation: two guys I really cared for, who - 20 years later, LITERALLY - crossed paths with me when we were both walking down Market Street one day in San Francisco in the mid '90s and said to me, "I should have married you, shouldn't I?" (I wasn't so sure, 20 years older - and wiser - that that was true, but it said something about them, that they realized things they did not understand when we were all in our 20s.) We were all in our 40s when I encountered them again (they'd moved to Southern California.)
Don't be desperate. BE awake and aware. And observe. And be kind to others. Lovingness, genuine lovingness, attracts Love. "Love" isn't looking to 'get' something back, but merely to share and to give. As Kahlil Gibran wrote in The Prophet, "for Love is sufficient unto Love."