-Need Help

[NyKing718]

Ok, I need help. I can’t figure this out.... I have a best friend that's a girl and a best friend that's a boy. (I'll say the boy's name is John and the girl's name is Jane.) But those two are actually in a relationship. And I and my best friend John have one of those friendships where we play around a lot. If I'm like mad or something he comes out of nowhere butt ass naked jumping around and shit.

I can’t figure him out though. Because it's been times where we're sitting on the couch me Jane n John under the covers watching TV, john in the middle and Jane on one side me on the other. He slipped his hand over by my side and grabbed my stuff and was playing with it. We’ve watched porn together and everything. He has actually jacked me off before. But it wasn't like until a cumshot it was like a playing around thing and he was really rough with it. Actually before John n Jane got together we were friends and me n John played a game of cards and whoever lost had to suck the other one off. I didn't think he was serious... but I lost and I was like pull it out he actually did it. And I sucked him off. And while watching porn I did it again till his cumshot. But that was years ago. We never did that again nor spoke about it.

But with that being said.... what do you think I should do?

Oh, I’m bisexual btw. He’s even said we're gay man if me and Jane ever break up we're going to be together. But what makes me question it is when I actually try to do shit... I was like lemme get u hard so u can send a pic to Jane he started to let me do it then stopped and I was acting like I was going to suck him off and he’s like I can’t do that.... I don’t know what to think or do?

 

[racer2438]

He's confused and if you want to keep him as freinds with benifits you may want to back off a bit and let him settle down. Maybe just have some talks about it and really see where he is coming from and it should give you more insight as to what he wants.

Ask him questions about if it's ok to fool around abit every now and then even if it just you doing him, that way he wont feel pressure that he has to do you after. Also if you guy's party together he may be inclind to let you get him off.

Most of this sounds and is one sided but it may help in the long run for you and him later.

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB!

>>>But with that being said.... what do you think I should do?

That all depends. What do you WANT to do?

Do you want the fooling around to continue, or perhaps step up? Do you mind doing it while he and Jane are still a couple? Do you want to include her? What do you want?

Lex

 

[NyKing718]

hm.. nah i wouldnt want all three of us in it because no one knows im bisexual.. i mean i dont even really consider myself it. lol. but with me n john probably just a few suck off n jack offs here n there but nothing too too much. no relationships.. i dont have relationships with men lmao.

 

[G-Lexington]

Let me see if I get the picture right. You want to be his...well, "thing on the side", if you will. You're not interested in him being your boyfriend or anything, so it's presumably cool if he still dates her. You just want to mess around with him from time to time. And you want it to remain completely on the downlow. You apparently don't want her to know about it (or, at least, you don't want to discuss it with her). And you probably don't even want to talk to HIM about it. You just kinda want sexual things to sort of...happen.

If this is correct, this will be tough. Not because sexual things don't just sort of "happen" (amazing how many threads content the words "we ended up having sex"), but because of the relationships involved. If it was just a friend or acquaintance that you were interested in fooling around with (on the downlow), the general procedure is to simply start making physical moves on him. But that's awfully dangerous when you're talking about a friend who's actively dating your other friend. Because without disclosure, your messages will probably be misread.

I think ideally what you want to get across is this - "I'm interested in fooling around with you, but only from time to time. I don't want to get in the way with your relationship with her, but it'd fun to mess around on occasion." In fact, ideally, she's aware of it but is cool with it, even if it does mean your horrible secret of being bisexual is known (lmao). But if you just make the moves on him, you're suggesting "I don't care about her - I want you". Possibly as the main dish, not something on the side.

The thing is - I'm big on talking about stuff, and full disclosure. Were I in this position, the next time he made a move on me, I'd smile and tell him "I'd love fooling around with you from time to time, but I dunno. I like you and her too much to put your relationship at risk. But if you're both cool with it, I'd love to suck you off once in a while." This makes it clear where I stand. But, as I'm slowly learning, people HATE talking about sex. Well, they love talking about it as a topic, but they hate actually addressing the matter of "sex we might have" or "sex we just had". They'd rather just make the move, and let the sex "happen"...and deal with any potential fall-out later. Your call.

Lex

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

Ugh... men who play games are such a bore.

And you're both playing games.

this whole "I don't have relationships with men lmao" kinda smacks of an internal homophobia that you're going to have to deal with on your own.

John has it all figured out. He knows he's gay.. assumes you are... and he's in a holding pattern until you come around and want to be with him.

If you don't think you'll ever be ready for that... tell him... let him find a guy who's ready. Sounds like he doesn't want to come out on his own and he's waiting for you.

My advice to him is "forget him... you can stay friends but don't wait for him... go find a guy to be with and stop treating Jane like a prop in the performance piece that is your life. Let her find a guy who's actually into her, not just using her for cover."

 

[backpacker]

Great advice so far.

I think you both are trying to come to terms with your sexuality. You are both obviously interested in gay sex and are not straight. I suspect John's relationship with Jane is providing "gay cover" so people don't suspect he is gay. He may even be using it to convince himself that he's straight. If he was really that into Jane he wouldn't be fooling around with you.

"He’s even said we're gay man if me and Jane ever break up we're going to be together." Was he drunk when he said that? That's a very telling statement, even if he said it in a joking way. John may be struggling with being gay or bi. You have a hard time even accepting that you may be bi-sexual. Until you guys deal with your own sexuality, I think you will both be frustrated. There seems to be a lack of communication. I think you and John are long over due for a conversation. You have sucked each other's dick and other things, so there shouldn't be any embarrassment in discussing the topic. Get to the bottom of it so that you can either be together or you can move on. Staying in a holding pattern isn't doing you any good.

 

[NyKing718]

ok you all sound understandable... no he wasnt drunk. but its going to take some time for me to really even be able to tlk about it. its not that im scared or anything but damn its like.... why bother tlking bekuz i dont want him like that lol.. and im not homophob at all.. its my honest feelings.

 

[backpacker]

I'm a little confused. If you don't want him like that, why did you join a gay forum so that you could get advice on how to be with him like that? Even if you only want him for the occasional hook up, you still want him like that. I don't think you are homophobic, but if these are your honest feelings, I think you are in denial. In any case, if you are happy with the occasional near hook up, then keep doing exactly what you have been doing. If you want anything to change, then you need to talk to him.

 

[KaraBulut]

If something seems to be too complicated, it's because it is too complicated.

This playing around stuff was fine when you were both young and not seeing other people.

But it's time to grow up, let it go and move on.

He's got a girlfriend. He's moved on.

Now it's your turn to move on, too.

 

[Alistair]

I agree with KaraBulut. He's not letting you do stuff now because he's in a relationship. He doesn't want to cheat on her. I respect that from him and you should too.

 

[Just_Believe18]

I know the two of you have a deep and long lasting friendship, but you do need to respect the boundaries of a relationship. It's not fair to Jane that your friend is jerking and getting sucked off by you. Bisexuals do need to respect males and females on an equal footing when it comes to committing to each other.

That being said, what do you ultimately want? Do you want a relationship with your friend? Do you want him to be your boyfriend? Then you have to confront him about it and tell him how you feel. If not, then you need to move on to another guy. Both of you are getting too old to be "experimenting" with each other. It's time to pursue real, and serious connections with new people.

 

[NyKing718]

lol. i guess you all are right. i dont want a relationship. just an occasional every now and then thing. but yeah everyones right i do need to respect my bestfriend as well. thhis sounds like a big ass love triangle smh.