need help

[halloween]

i Am 25 and I do not know if i am gay or bi and neeed some help
I have been looking at gay porn for 13 years and some non gay but mustly gay

when i go some were i do look at mens butts. I fantasize what it would be like to be with a guy but if guy really did come on to me i would walk away. i have done it

when i thank about life and what i want out of it fantasize about a wife and kids
i can not wait to be married so why do i look at gay porn i would like to stop but i do not know how

I need help this is not some thing that keeps me up at night. i would just like to know what i am and i know that i am the only one who can answer that i just need help geting there
thank you

 

[evanrick]

welcome to jub halloween

theres nothing wrong with fantasizing about men. i think you came to the right place because we are here to support you. you sound like a very nice guy. i would spend less time worrying about what you identify yourself as and more about what makes you happy.

can you picture yourself happy with another man?
a lot of guys i know, even myself, go through this once in a while. you can tell they are not truly happy in their life, and are basically living the way "other people" feel is "normal".

i find it extremely attractive watching men "find" themselves, its a vulnerability you dont get to see that much!

its a transition and you will grow a lot as a person.
it also can be distressing, so if you need a hand to help pull you across that bridge, we are here.

 

[Anders123]

Hi Halloween, welcome

I just wanted to share that I have only recently come to terms with my own sexuality, and sometimes I found myself wishing I wasn't this way, but ultimately I've come to a point where I'm okay with it.

I remember I was talking to my acupuncturist after a session, recently in fact, about Christmas and his kids and how excited they were. His face lit up, his kids were his world. I had to hold back tears and at the time I couldn't understand why it made me so sad.

I realised after, though, that it's because we're brought up conditioned, well, I was anyway, to believe that the 'white picket fence, house, wife and kids' is the only way to 'have a life' and 'to be happy'. It was really rough for me to accept that it wont happen for me (well, it might with a guy, who knows?! )

As evanrick said, you're going through a transition and there are SO MANY people who are going through, or have gone through similar situations, emotions and confusion.

There is more than one way to find happiness in life, just try to stay positive and focus on what YOU want, what would make YOU happy, and again as evanrick said, not what other people consider to be 'normal'.

I sincerely wish you all the best! Good luck!

 

[texan_slant]

You are YOU, and that is the best way to describe it;

Sexuality is never black and white. Keep exploring it, and try not to make a decision on marriage with a woman unless you know for sure that that is what would make you happy and complete.

Have you ever dated?

You should never get married unless you know that is exactly what you want and not because it's jsut "the thing to do".

 

[paatreides]

Don't obsess over it, first of all. Human sexuality runs the full gamut from 100% to 100% gay. We are what we are, though it may take a number of years to discover.

Do not push yourself into any one particular spot on the continuum.

You say you look forward to the day you can get married and have kids. There's nothing wrong with that dream. And there's nothing wrong with knowing and admitting you like men. Believe it or not, there are women out there who understand and accept bisexuality in men. Hell, there are some who are very turned on by watching their man get it on with another guy. So, your proclivity for M/M porn could end up being a good thing.

If a guy comes on to you and you turn him down, that's life. It happens all the time in the hetero world too. You go with who makes you comfortable.

The best advice we can give you right now is to just allow yourself to evolve and discover. Sometimes, though it may seem frightening, it turns out to be an amazing journey!

 

[halloween]

Have you ever dated?

".

no never dated and I am still a Virgin that is some thing i am proud of i have never found any one to do it with. if i was to dated a guy i think it would be hard i live in Alabama.

one thing there are some days were gay porn is sick( I mean offence) and some were it is the must hotest thing
any of you gone through that

 

[Seasoned]

I believe you are going through the process of acceptance of your sexual orientation. Heterosexism permeates society and we expect to fit into the same patterns as most of society. If you haven't moved to the direction of females in terms of dating there is a reason. Think this through carefully. Do you wish to marry a woman because if the connection you'd have with your wife, or do you wish to marry in order to have a role which makes you comfortable in the knowledge you are doing what is expected?

 

[FameMonster]

I think you shouldn't be so focussed on labels and just live your life like you want to! I consider myself fully gay because I could never see myself with a girl in the end, but I do watch straight porn sometimes, just because it's hot.

But just don't think too much of being 'fully gay' or 'fully bi' or 'fully straight' I even know one guy who is gay but he loves to kiss and fuck women.

Just follow your path and see where it takes you, and in the end if you end up with a guy, you can get married and you can start a family and adopt if you like. If you are with a girl in the end, and you want to start a family and get married that's an option too!

Just be who you are and everything will be fine!

 

[halloween]

i can never see myself with a man

i thank am looking for a father or brother figure
some one i can look up to i never had a good father he would tell me i am stuped. he did leave and died
i want to be with a guy and some were along the way i thought that meant sex but now not so sure i did have a brother figure but he moved away when was here i did not look at porn i did fantasize about him a couple of times but i stop when we left i went back to porn

 

[Anders123]

Please, please, PLEASE do not try to deny who you are

I did exactly the same thing, I tried to convince myself that my attraction to men was based on idealisation, that I admired who they were and wanted to be like them etc. and that somehow I was getting that confused with sexual attraction, which was not the case, for me personally.

I know it's extremely difficult, and everyone has different ways to deal with 'coming to terms', but please try to be honest with yourself. You are who you are, and that's not a bad thing. Please don't try to find logical reasons as to why you fantasise about men, because there's nothing logical about it. It's how you feel and it's a part of who you are.

I really do wish you all the best, and I apologise if I'm coming across as anything other than supportive and understanding. Again, good luck!