Need some Advice on what to do with him

[Silentbutsweet]

Just to kind of give you guys a back story of whats going on.
So I think the last time I posted I was going to go out with this guy and go bowling. Well it never happened. And I've been dieing to go out with him for some time now. I've lately been wanting to take him out and just have a good time. We never kissed, or slept together, I have slept in his bed a few times but we don't do anything but really talk and sometimes he'll tickle me. But doesn't go any further than that which is fine with me because I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. He wants to take things slow and not jump into a relationship. So I am being completely patient with him and just trying to make him feel as comfortable as possible while also giving him his space.

About 4 or 5 weeks ago he had an accident when we went to the gym one day. He was stretching his leg when his ankle twisted one way and his knee the other way and he got surgery done after a week it happened. I went to visit him in the hospital after he got his surgery.
And for like 4 weeks I have visited him while he was at his parents every other day and I helped him move around and whatever else he needed I was there for him. I enjoyed going to see him every time no matter how long the drive was from my place to his parents I didn't care. He moved back into his place after getting better this week and I only seen him twice. Lately things seem a lot different. He's trying to get back on his feet and do things like he use to before he got hurt. Trying to pretty much get his head together and everything.

The thing that upsets me is that when I asked him if he wanted to go out when he was and still is injured he didn't really want to because he would be in pain if he moved to much. But his friends took him out like 2 weeks ago and he was out like all day then this week he went out twice with his roommate and two other guys. So he hadn't been talking to me and kind of ignoring me for a little. I've barely talked to him last night when I got to for a little it was nice but I still feel really upset that he would go out with his friends even with his leg bothering him but when I ask him even if its for just like a movie he isn't all right with it. Sure I can just say fuck it and move on but I do really like this guy and even after everything I've done to help with him I just don't want to walk away like that. He asked if I would like to go to movies this weekend though to finally see the movie I've been waiting to see "The Hunger Games." I'm hoping we can actually go and have a good time and he doesn't cancel again.

But things don't seem as good as it was before he got into surgery and even when he was at his parents. He doesn't text me as much as he use to and I don't want to keep texting him if he's going to ignore me or anything.

What I'm getting at is that I really like this guy and would like to hopefully start a relationship with him but I don't know what I can do to get him to feel the same way. He likes me also but not looking for a relationship so soon because he's afraid of getting hurt again. I'm afraid I might lose him to someone else. If we do go out this weekend I just want things to feel nice and comfortable and just make him see that he can trust me and just open up more. I don't know I kind of want to do something special for him but nothing to big so that he is uncomfortable but I don't know what I can do. He's so different than anyone I've really met and that's one thing I like about him.

Okay sorry for the big rant but yea.... I honestly want to be with him and I miss seeing him.. but don't know what to do.

 

[Rolyo85]

One thing I'm missing from this topic is HIS attitude. You explain what you've done for him, and the events that have happened, but not how he reacted to you being there, or how he's been generally acting around you.

From what you have said so far, my guess sadly would be that he has lost interest. In all honesty, if you've spent more than a month together, things would have progressed further by now if they were going to.

I might be totally wrong, and I know it's not what you want to hear. But think about this - we often forget, when we want someone, that if they felt the same way, they would feel the same way. He would be trying to get in touch with, to spend more time with you etc. The fact that he isn't doing that means that he doesn't want to. And in the end, sucky as it is, this isn't a contest you have to win to get him. It has to be mutual or it won't work, regardless of how much YOU want it to.

 

[altlover85]

I would go to the movie with him and have a good time. I wouldn't do anything special though.

I would also start hanging out with other people so you can take your focus off of him. It might make both of you feel more at ease.

 

[Seasoned]

The big thing here is actually getting to the movie without him canceling. See if that happens and if the two of you seem to both have a good time afterwards. So far it's been unbalanced which is normal given his injury.

You don't need to do anything special. You're special enough and you've done enough, perhaps too much, especially if it caused you to have expectations. Being yourself and doing things because you want to are the keys. There's a bit of "magic" which is needed in order for a romantic relationship to develop and that's something that can't be forced.

In any case I think you should look for other guys and other opportunities. The notion that you need to be hyper-vigilant, lest he fall for someone else, is faulty and could lead you towards co-dependency. That's a dark place to be, so please be mindful.

I wish you all the best.

 

[Silentbutsweet]

He acts just the same way any other time I hangout with him. Big sense of humor, funny, he's told me he's enjoyed me company and appreciated all the help I've given him. Some time's he would be frustrated about other things going on and it would only bother me when I didn't know what I could do to just make him relax and and not worry.
When I would leave his parents place he would text me or I would and it would either be about me helping him, he would say he thinks about me a lot when I'm not there, how it was great seeing each other, how we need to go out.

And I didn't just help him because I wanted to get closer to him or anything like that, I like to help people and even if I never liked him I would of still done all the things I've done for him and visit him just as much to make sure he would feel better. I think he's just trying to get back into the way he was living before the accident.
It would help if I did have more friends around to hangout with and get my mind off of him most of the time and not worry about him to much. My roommate moved out, all my friends graduated and left and I don't have anyone but him who I can really talk and hangout with.

 

[altlover85]

Have you ever heard of www.meetup.com? You can meet people with similair interests who live relatievely close to you. It might help you meet people and get your mind off of him.

Good luck!

 

[Silentbutsweet]

Never heard of it but will check it out.

And no movie tonight. :/ Going Monday instead, said I could spend the night on Sunday and we can go on Monday. Which is fine....., I just purchased the tickets for the time we were going to go today which really sucks. So here's to hoping Monday will actually work

 

[Georgiadude]

I think your setting yourself up to be hurt. I knew he was going to cancel on the movie when I read the post that you were going. He's stringing you along. I think he's lost interest (for whatever reason) and he can't get himself to tell you. He just doesn't have the guts to tell you. He's playing the "eventually he'll get the hint" game. Having had it happen to me a couple of times it's easy to spot.

I know you like him and things were great for a while but he's lost interest. It sucks and it hurts. He's not going to be honest and tell you what happened and he's not going to break it off on his own. He's going to keep standing you up and ignoring your texts until you get the hint. I'm sorry to be the bearer of such sucky news but looking at this as an outsider and someone who's been there a couple of times it's the same story.

Oh and don't spend another dime on this guy. If you want to treat him to something wait until you see the whites of his eyes. If he was any kind of a friend he would pay you back for the tickets. But I'm willing to bet he won't.

Steven.