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need some advice... roommate thing

BlueStreaker

BlueStreaker

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ok so i need some advice. right now i'm living in a suite-style dorm with 5 other guys. i've finally told them all that i'm bi so that's not a problem. what is a problem is i'm attracted to one of them and i really don't know what to do.

i wasn't sure if i should but one day i decided to tell him that i was attracted to him. i wasn't sure how to react but i said to him "i want to make sure you won't be freaked out or that this won't make things weird or anything" he said no so i told him i was attracted to him. that was a couple weeks ago and things have been pretty normal so nothing wrong there.

what i want to know is should i leave things alone or should i try to pursue something? it wouldn't be any kind of relationship, just maybe fooling around here and there, helping each other get off, that kinda thing. i just dont know if that might make things weird even though telling him didn't. as far as i know he's straight but he may be open to fooling around... not totally sure though.

any suggestions, thoughts, comments, anything? i won't see him for another week (we are on break for a week, then summer classes start up and he will be back for them) so i have some time to think things over and get some ideas and other people's thoughts. please, anything you guys have to say will be appreciated. thanks in advance.
 
Is this guy you're attracted to gay or straight?

If he's straight, forget it. No straight guy is going to fool around with you or come anywhere near the feelings for you that you have for him. You'd just be setting yourself up for embarrassment or worse (like losing a friend and having some nasty things said about you).

If he's gay or bi, then still don't make an overt sexual move. Just talk to him and ask him if he feels for you the same way you feel for him. If not, then forget it too.

Put yourself in this guy's place. What if someone you weren't attracted to let it be known he or she was attracted to you. You might be the type who is crystal clear and honest, or you might be one who is accepting and friendly, but obviously don't follow up. This guy could very well be the latter--he could be a nice guy who's not interested, but didn't want to hurt your feelings or make a scene. But, you'll also notice that he hasn't taken you up on anything or followed through with any initiatives.

His lack of action speaks volumes. Listen to his lack of initiative and lack of moves toward you. I bet you his telling you how he feels (nothing).
 
the only thing i'm looking for here is advice on whether i should even bring it up. if i do he'll obviously be able to say he doesn't want to and i'd leave it at that. i just don't know whether to say anything or just move on without mentioning it. besides it's not always that easy, and just because he hasn't made any sort of move towards me doesn't mean he wouldn't accept an offer from me. granted, that is more likely, but it's not impossible that he's just a bit shy or whatever and wouldn't initiate something.

i do appreciate your advice, though. i'm really thinking of letting it go, since it's definitely better to have friends than to ruin friendships on distant chances.
 
Blue, you're lucky your friend isn't completely weirded out by your telling him that you like him. I told my straight 'friend' that I was attracted to him, and things were never the same afterward. It was always tense between us. My advice, do what you can to put some distance between yourself and this guy, and don't ever look back.
 
I would not bring the subject up again. He knows what the score is and apparently is comfortable with what you have told him. If he is interested, he will make a move. I suspect that such a move will not be forthcoming, and if I were you, I would shift my carnal and romantic attentions elsewhere.
 
vetteboi said:
Leave it alone. If he is interested, he will let you know.
Click to expand...


Ditto. Why do many guys think its absolutely imperative to let others know of their romantic interests, whatever the consequences may be?
 
It's up to him now. You have told him how you feel. Try not to obsess about him. Enjoy his friendship, chill out with the guys, live your life for yourself.
 
I always liked the line from Moonstruck:

"Don't shit where you eat."
 
This is exactly what I wanted, thanks guys. I know I said I'd give it a week but the common thread here seems to be let it go, so I will.
Ramindra said:
...if I were you, I would shift my carnal and romantic attentions elsewhere.
Click to expand...
haberdashery said:
I like that expression - 'carnal' it's so raw
Click to expand...

It's completely a physical attraction, I have no romantic interest in him at all, so it is probably best if I just find someone else to fool around with or maybe even get involved with. I don't see that happening anytime soon, but I'd much rather have a good friend that I can talk to than push him away by forcing things that shouldn't be pursued. And yes, I like "carnal" too. Makes you think of animal lust, which is exactly what it would be if something were to happen. Purely for physical pleasure and sexual release.

Again, thanks, I just needed some reassurance that I was doing the right thing letting it be. That being said, do you guys have any suggestions of what I could do instead? I've never been a very adventurous guy, I don't normally actively seek any sort of sexual relationship, whether it just be for relief or for an actual committed relationship, so I'm really lost now. Perhaps I should seek someone out, but how should I go about that? Total n00b at starting anything but friendships, and most of my friends have been introduced to me by other friends, or I just fell into friendship by being in the same class or something. Should I keep up with that, maybe ask my friends if they know anybody that might be interested in something, or should I go seek out new people on my own? Or just let things to and have them come to me?

Any advice on this new topic would be GREATLY appreciated, as I have no clue. I had some clue with the other thing, I just needed reassurance. Now that I have that, let's move on.
 
Its time to find your own way. Go out and meet people on your own and stop relying on your friends. Sure, they can be a great help, but you should also be trying to find friendships/more than friendships on your own too. You're a big boy. Go do it!!

And good for not trying to mess around with the roommate. Even if it is just pure lust or whatever, the fact that you live with him is a BAD sign. Good Job! I'm proud!!!

Good luck with finding a man/buddy to fool around/gay friend.
 
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