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Need some advice

starwars

starwars

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Theres this guy at my college who i am almost in love with ever since i found out he was gay, anyway this was a few years ago now, and it was only tonight where i thought im gonna tell him im gay tomorrow. But the only reason im planning to tell him is because today he told one of my female friends (who he once went out with) that i am really homophobic towards him and that he can see that i hate him through the look in my eyes. I must hide it really well.

The only problem i have with telling him is incase he tells other people, im not ready for anyone to know yet and i have serious trust issues that probably stem from the female friend who told me he was gay in the first place.

But today something else happened, when i was touching him arm i could feel him trembling the same way i do when he touches me, does this mean something.

so any advice would be great, should i tell him, should i ask him out? thoughts?
 
starwars said:
Theres this guy at my college who i am almost in love with ever since i found out he was gay, anyway this was a few years ago now, and it was only tonight where i thought im gonna tell him im gay tomorrow. But the only reason im planning to tell him is because today he told one of my female friends (who he once went out with) that i am really homophobic towards him and that he can see that i hate him through the look in my eyes. I must hide it really well.

The only problem i have with telling him is incase he tells other people, im not ready for anyone to know yet and i have serious trust issues that probably stem from the female friend who told me he was gay in the first place.

But today something else happened, when i was touching him arm i could feel him trembling the same way i do when he touches me, does this mean something.

so any advice would be great, should i tell him, should i ask him out? thoughts?
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At the very least, you should clear the air and tell him that you don't dislike him and that you are not homophobic.

As for coming out to him... that's a decision only you can make.

It is very naive to believe that anyone will keep your little secret. You have to go in on the assumption that if you tell him that you're gay, he's going to tell other people. Don't tell anyone that you're gay unless you're ready to come out to all the people who will inevitably find out.
 
In a word? Yes. Just tell him what you have told us.
 
You should tell him if he seemed to be a good guy. Relatively speaking a gay guy should be more trustworthy in terms of keeping your sexuality a secret for you for the moment, as he had same experience and worries before. Also, even if you decided not to tell him you're gay, you should still let him know you're not homophobic and don't "hate" him, and please don't say/act as if you're homophobic in future.

You said he was trembling when you touched him. It's probably an indication that he has strong feelings towards you, and I assume you were trembling for the same reason. It's not that easy to find someone who's gay and you both like each other. Unless you have a good reason to believe that he'll try to hurt you once you told him, which I think is quite unlikely, you should go tell him, or you'll really regret it later in life.
 
i really wanna tell him, and it would make me better understand if i can trust him, however can anyone think of a failsafe just incase he tells people cos i dont want anyone else to know yet, especially my female friend, from that story, who, if she found out would send everything into chaos.

***the trouble is though, i dont even intend to come off as homophobic, i have never shown any indications of that as i know first hand from the crap i seen kids go through at secondary school. Weird

****also could another indication be that he was willing to get up over an hour earlier the other day to meet me at college to hand in coursework before the 8 oclock deadline?
 
Stop being afraid. You need to come out to your friends first and then tell this guy that you're gay. Maybe he's interested in you and said that just to get a rise out of you or a reaction.
 
Right, i told him at lunch time today, he really didnt seem that surprised, almost as if he didnt believe me. I only told him i was bisexual but completely prefer lads over girls, he said he was the same. Anyway something i failed to mention in the first post was the he says he is bisexual, and has a bisexual girlfriend who he isnt that interested in, nor her him. What should i do now? ask him out or something?

but i do get the feeling that he is only goin out with girls to try to prove that he is only bi, like me a few years ago.
 
That sounds cool, i'll try that one monday, it would be too cheesy on msn right?

I'll report back when i find out :D
 
What do you guys think, should i ask him out, or will that just change everything between us, cos we have a really great friendship with each other? how can i tell if he likes me?
 
right just finished talking with him, quick update, i told him i was gay, and only told him i was bi to how he would take it, he was fine with that, then told him iused to like him, fine with that too, and apparently nothings changed, we'll see Monday or Tuesday
 
RIGHT GUYS IM IN CRISIS MODE!!! we are meetin up together tomorrow (just us) however he wants to go to his dealer to get some weed, what should i do, he wants me to smoke it with him as well, i dont know how to let him down gently, nor do i wanna associate with drug dealers!!! help?
 
starwars said:
RIGHT GUYS IM IN CRISIS MODE!!! we are meetin up together tomorrow (just us) however he wants to go to his dealer to get some weed, what should i do, he wants me to smoke it with him as well, i dont know how to let him down gently, nor do i wanna associate with drug dealers!!! help?
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It's not a crisis. You want to be with him, not his drug dealers or weed. Tell him you don't want to smoke and leave it at that.

Whenever I've been offered a smoke, I've refused and everyone is cool with that. I've taken a puff of weed because I chose to. No one made me do it. He needs to respect how you feel.
 
volcom1206 said:
Have you ever heard of D.A.R.E. There token slogan is "say no to drugs". Really all you have to do is say, "No thanks, I don't smoke."

I would probably tell him ahead of time so that he doesn't go out and get extra weed to smoke with you right then and there. If he knows ahead of time, it will be an easier conversation.


Please tell this guy that you are fully gay, telling him you are bi is the same thing as being in the closet. You are still lying about who you really are.
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I did, i told him the other night, and told him there and then that i like him, he is fine with both, did i not include this in a previous post?
 
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