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Need some advice...

H

hairbway207

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hey...okay so im bi and have wanted to hookup with my male friend for the longest time (im still in the closet and have only told a couple of people). this guy is very cute and sort of boyish but still has a great toned body and he's kinda hairy which i like. the thing is that i have sort of an average body cause i haven't had time to hit the gym lately and he's really fit. we aren't really that close friends but we still hang out in the same circle of friends. i know for a fact that he's gay, firstly because the friend i came out to was the same one he did and she told me that he was gay, and secondly because of the way he acts (totally not the way a straight guy would act). he's still mostly in the closet though. i always try to check him out every chance i get and get really turned on. i really want to mess around with him and be with him. im pretty sure he thinks im straight but idk..

so i guess my question is should i tell him im bi and ask if he wants to fool around?
i foresee some problems with this. one, he could say no he's not interested in me and it could ruin our friendship because we're not that close to begin with. or two, he could out me to all of our friends and honestly im not ready to be outed to everyone.

i really don't know what to do here. should i come out to him and tell him i wanna mess around? (and if so how should i come out to him?) or should i just stick to admiring him from afar? please help :confused:
 
You'll get a lot of opinions here. But I'll tell you one of mine that I have come to realize in the last few months.


No Guts, No Glory!


You have to be willing to take a chance, or live alone forever.

Good luck to you. Hope it works out.
 
You can sit there wondering about things for your entire life or you can take action and see what happens; both good and not so good.

I guess the one thing I see here though is that you only seem to want to fuck around with the guy.

There's no indication that you want to become close friends or anything more. You apparently don't necessarily trust him. Wouldn't you want to develop that first? Surely there's more to establishing contact with him than just getting at his dick.

So. Is he worth it?

You are the only one that can decide.
 
well thats the thing. i think this might bring us closer and make us better friends but it could also drive us apart...
 
Why don't you try spending a little more time with him first to see whether jumping his bone is a good thing?
 
exactly as rareboy said, try to bond a bit with him before you jump him lol. But If hes hardly out, i doubt hell out you..
 
but will it ruin our friendship and make it really uncomfortable to be around each other..?
 
You can't sit in an empty room and wonder how things might be. You have to try. No one here can forecast the future.
 
Well, let see... you're curious, you're attracted to a friend and you want to go from being friends to doing the nasty.

There is an alternative. It's called dating.
  • Come out to him.
  • If he comes out to you, ask him out.
  • If he doesn't come out to you, then that's the indication that he's not interested.

If there's chemistry, it will happen.
 
but i know he's gay. shouldn't i tell him that i know and that i am very supportive?

i think what im going to do is write him a letter and send it in a private message on facebook. thoughts?
 
^ No.

Spend some real time with him. Ask him to hang out. Be real and not a cyberstalker.

This isn't about you telling him about himself. Or being supportive.

This should be about you telling him about yourself.

Frankly, I'm not seeing that this is going to work out well until you can get your head around how to develop a healthy and enjoyable friendship with someone before you hit the sheets.
 
Ask the female mutual friend to hang out and bring him along. Girls love to play match maker. Enjoy the company of your friends, let the adventure begin.
 
^ Truth.

I'm smelling a lot of fear here, and its all coming from you, Hairbway. What EXACTLY are you really afraid of in regards to this guy? Rejection? In your OP you said that you aren't feeling all that comfortable with your body image in comparison to this guy you are interested in. Is a large part of you not making this first step to take this to another level strangled by thoughts of "How can he really like a guy like me when he's so amazing?"?

Something is holding you back.

Although you've told a couple people that you are bi, you still identify yourself as being closeted. So, there is another level of fear: you aren't comfortable enough with yourself yet to really be secure in your own skin. I think this is part of the issue you are having as well. A large part of the deal of being in the closet is the fear that people will reject you, that inner, true part of what makes you really who you are.

So, there are a couple things that are holding you back and they are fairly fundamental: fear of rejection, self esteem (self image) issues, and personal insecurities based on true self acceptance.

Its hard to reach out to someone when you have all these anchors holding you down.
 
As always in this kind of situation, you need to figure out what you want.

Do you want a relationship with this guy? Just some fun? Figure it out.

I personally would not respond well to having letters and private messages sent to me from someone I don't know all that well, especially about this.

The more you treat this like a high school crush, the worse your chances become. Don't ask for mediation, don't stalk him on the internet, don't sit around hoping he'll do all the work.

He may not be interested in you, but you won't know that until you take that chance. We've all been there, and even if it doesn't go the way you want it to, it's not fatal.

Grab your scrotum and ask him out.
 
it depends on how u treat the relationship between you and him as well as the desire to him. if i were u, i probably would tell him how i felt about him. if u never step forward, u never know the consequence which may be good or bad.
 
Ask to hang out with him, build up the chemistry. Not all men want hookups, some of us want relationships :) There is a big difference in sex and making love and making love is a hell of a lot better (in my opinion)

But anyway, ask to hang out with him, I know I am just reinforcing what was said earlier, but its the best advice. Also let him come out to you or maybe you can come out to him subtly :)
 
You should tell him. If you don't you will always wonder "What If?" I was in this situation awhile ago. Except He didn't turn out gay so things went downhill..... But you have a good chance since you know he's gay. I wouldn't ask to fool around right off, but I say GO FOR IT!
 
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