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need some help here fellas

S

scully

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hi guys
im greg and from london , going slightly out of my mind here and could do with a bit of advice , i live in a house bit too big just for me , so 6 months ago , decided to rent out a room , got this guy moved in , and all was fine , hes gay , so all good , didnt really fancy him though , anyways after couple of months we started getting it on as it were , once every couple of weeks , he told me himself that he was shallow and only out for himself, that was ok , i wasnt that interested , but then i started to want to have him more often , and he wasnt really that interested, anyway woke up in middle of the night few weeks back and he had brought someone back to my house while i was asleep and did whatever ( drunk as usual) . it hurt me , and had a go at him and told him not to do it again , i saw the guy and he was ( not being nasty) but an absolute minger , as was his ex boyfriend , that i saw a picture of , and now nothings going on between us , im being made to feel really ugly and nasty as he doesnt want me but quite happily goes with these ( sorry ) but in my opinion not good looking at all people , sorry to drone on but its actually making me ill, hope i dont sound shallow myself , but i am a nice person and could do with just a bit of advice whether to kick him out or not , as icant live with him day after day and nothing happening , when it has before, please help before i go totally mad!!
 
thanks for the reply, i know ur e right but its just he tells me all these things , like , we ve got our own song and what to buy each other for christmas he s gone out in the snow and fixed the tyre on my car , am i just wishful thinking now , or could i really make him want me !!
 
i think youve both acted foolishly, and now youre finding out why certain things are deemed unwise. dont do it again in the future (screw around with your flatmate, that is).

why youre bringing up the looks of his partners, i dont even know; it has nothing to do with anything. hes not interested in you anymore, and you need to get over him (and yourself). and if he lives at your place, he has every right to bring home whomever he chooses to. sticking your nose in his buisness like that is really inappropriate. what do you expect him to do, stay celibate for as long as youre crushing on him?

i think it wouldnt be very nice to throw him out, since it really seems to be your problem and not his, and especially since london is such a nightmare, housing wise. but at the end of the day, its your house, and you do as you please. (besides, he should have known better than to sleep with his landlord.)
 
Apart from the landlord-tenant relationship you have, officially, you also have developed a personal/emotional/sexual relationship as well and it has not worked out.

There is obviously tension in that house now, and if he cannot see it and feel awkward too, he's dense.

For both of your sakes, tell him to move. It's your house and there's no rational justification to keep living in such weird situation. You'll be better off without him there.

Good luck.
 
thanks for the advice guys , i know ive been stupid , but i cant help feel sorry for him as well , he has no money , no family to speak of but it is hurting everyday living with him, should i just ask him for sex as at least itll make things easier , i know that sounds terrible but could that work??
 
sorry if ive come across that way , i really am not a bad person , maybe just going a little mad at the moment , just come out to my very large family , so maybe thats the excuse , hopefully !! either that or i m just a total bastard !! lol
 
thanks for the advice , i know youre all right , i just needed to hear it said , but really , im not what you might think , just need to get my head together i spose
 
Sounds like you should find a smaller house to eliminate the need for a lodger. You can hardly rent a room to someone and then stick a celibacy clause in his contract.
 
i really appreciate all replies , but here it is now, im living with the guy and he shuts himself away in his room every nite , like he s scared of me , which im sure he is , but u know , i know what people have thought of me , over it , but i just wish i could help him , i know hes going away for christmas to see his mum but hes got no money , he s already admitted to being on some kind of drug , i dont know what , how can u help some one that just dont want to be helped, u know , id love to tell him , he could stay for free and id help him get off the drugs , just if he could show me the slightest bit of interest , he doesnt talk about anything , unless hes drunk , im one year older than him but feels like ten , i ve loved every christmas since i ve been born cos its so magical , but u know this year , i dont want to know, so please forget if u think im a bastard , cos im not , but with all i ve said , should i ask him to leave , knowing i dont want him to go , wishing he would just talk to me , or should i suffer for a bit longer , happy christmas guys xxx
 
well , hes back out of his room and reeled me back in like a fish on a line , gone shopping today with him and then out for a meal , saying he was just depressed , thats why he didnt want to chat , nice day, plans made to go out in new year to shows in west end etc , i know he s playing me and im sure no one wants to hear this after whats been said , but its not just as easy as im a scumbag and we shouldnt live together , i think hes playing me for a fool, and ill just take it , for the odd time he makes me feel nice , thanks for all advice guys , ure all right , but i guess i ll just go on doing this till i cant take it no more, i know i sound pathetic , and i dare say i am , but i ve spent my entire life helping everyone but myself, i just kind of hoped it was my time to live a bit x
 
The problem here is that you needed two things in your life- friends and a housemate.

You decided to economize and get two for the price of one.

Big mistake.

When this guy's lease is up (or if there's no lease, as soon as he can find another place to live), he needs to go.

Get out of the house and make friends. Those are the people you should be socializing with.

If you want a housemate, find someone tolerable who has their own life and keep the housemate relationship primarily a business relationship.
 
Scully, he has got to go and you have to live by yourself. You cannot move an adult in as a tennant then vet his friends (fucks)
It is difficult, but remain single until you meet THE man, and don't move him in straight away - give it three months.
Life can be a bitch at times, keep at it , good luck.
PS might come to the UK next year some time - if you can sort out the fucking weather. (I am in Oz)
 
scully said:
well , hes back out of his room and reeled me back in like a fish on a line , gone shopping today with him and then out for a meal , saying he was just depressed , thats why he didnt want to chat , nice day, plans made to go out in new year to shows in west end etc , i know he s playing me and im sure no one wants to hear this after whats been said , but its not just as easy as im a scumbag and we shouldnt live together , i think hes playing me for a fool, and ill just take it , for the odd time he makes me feel nice , thanks for all advice guys , ure all right , but i guess i ll just go on doing this till i cant take it no more, i know i sound pathetic , and i dare say i am , but i ve spent my entire life helping everyone but myself, i just kind of hoped it was my time to live a bit x
Click to expand...

What would you do if the situation were reversed?

This living situation isn't working so you need to let him know that he'll have to move out. There are plenty of other guys out there and you haven't really mentioned any overwhelmingly positive traits about him, so move on from this situation and find someone else that actually wants to be with you and isn't using you.

You deserve better and your roommate deserves to be in a non-awkward position.
 
In my opinion this isn't about fault or blame. It's about health and safety. I'm not sure how's he's paying rent if he has no money. I'm also wondering if ground rules were set when he moved in regarding guests.

The only person you can change is yourself. I'd work on that so as not to be so needy with him. This situation could eventually turn violent. Be careful. I think it's time to lok for a new flat mate.
 
hi guys , bit of an update , things going from bad to worse , he was away for two weeks over christmas , and i kinda felt bit better , now he s back , and the treadmill starts up again , he now owes me 4 weeks rent , he s waiting to get paid ( supposedly ) , i ve been very understanding ( stupidly , im sure ), now knowing if i ask him to go , ill never get the money( £400 which i desperately need ) , also knowing that i m being so understanding cos i want him to like me , still hoping against hope that he ll realise and take me in his arms!!!( lol ) i sound like a lovesick teenager but im actually , belive it or not !! , normally quite sane and together , i m seriously concerned for my sanity , im getting drunk everynight , just so i can sleep
 
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