So I started seeing a guy several months ago. I'm currently in grad school and always busy and stressed, so when we first met I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship and just wanted to keep things casual. Fast forward to today, I've met his entire extended family and been frequently introduced as his boyfriend. We are on completely different wavelengths. I like hanging out with him, but now he's practically moved in with me and wants to spend every waking moment clinging to me. Anytime I have things to do for school or I am busy studying, he acts really hurt and basically guilt trips me into not doing my work. I don't know what to do and I don't want to hurt him. Any advice?
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Need Some Relationship Advice
- Thread starter robot1514
- Start date
Oh stop it! As if you weren't a part of the entire process of going from "date", to "fuck buddy", to "boyfriend", to "meeting the parents", to your "relationship".
You've obviously refused to ever actually SAY anything to the contrary of what this poor kid thinks. You have a pair of balls, if this isn't something you want, say so. However, I have my doubts you really want to end this, as you've "gone along" for so much of your "relationship". Why do you think this is?
You've obviously refused to ever actually SAY anything to the contrary of what this poor kid thinks. You have a pair of balls, if this isn't something you want, say so. However, I have my doubts you really want to end this, as you've "gone along" for so much of your "relationship". Why do you think this is?
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The problem with scenarios like this is, while you went into this saying "I don't want a relationship", it's become a relationship.
You would be better treating it as a relationship and figuring out- between the two of you- what kind of relationship it will be.
Even people in a relationship are entitled to their own space and some personal time. Make that clear. Encourage your boyfriend to get his own friends, his own interests and to allow you time for school and your own interests.
If you can't negotiate this middle ground then you have a decision to make about your priorities.
You would be better treating it as a relationship and figuring out- between the two of you- what kind of relationship it will be.
Even people in a relationship are entitled to their own space and some personal time. Make that clear. Encourage your boyfriend to get his own friends, his own interests and to allow you time for school and your own interests.
If you can't negotiate this middle ground then you have a decision to make about your priorities.
JustAGuy08
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No-flame zone, y'all.
Anyway, just curious as to why you didn't correct him the first time he introduced you as his boyfriend?
Anyway, just curious as to why you didn't correct him the first time he introduced you as his boyfriend?
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Welcome and I understand where you are coming from. Passive personalities interacting with aggressive one's and vice versa is what novels are full of. This calls for a calm, quiet conversation or, more likely, conversations.
I'm guessing he moved fast and you were enjoying him and the sex so you made some compromises. Now it's time for him to make some. Your school needs to come first if you are to be a content human being. He needs to be told that. You'll have to set boundaries and stick to them even if he tries to be sexual while you are studying. In fact you're not going to be able to allow him in during those times.
I'm guessing you don't like being confrontational. Keeping your eye on that further degree will help.
You're going to get a variety of opinions here and some people think a kick in the ass is good therapy. I might, also, but I'd need to get to know you first. Don't be put off by adults writing to other adults, but only listen to what fits.
I'm guessing he moved fast and you were enjoying him and the sex so you made some compromises. Now it's time for him to make some. Your school needs to come first if you are to be a content human being. He needs to be told that. You'll have to set boundaries and stick to them even if he tries to be sexual while you are studying. In fact you're not going to be able to allow him in during those times.
I'm guessing you don't like being confrontational. Keeping your eye on that further degree will help.
You're going to get a variety of opinions here and some people think a kick in the ass is good therapy. I might, also, but I'd need to get to know you first. Don't be put off by adults writing to other adults, but only listen to what fits.
You describe him as someone who would be easily hurt. His problem but you acquiesced. Say "sayonara" firmly but without hostility. And make it non-negotiable.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Rolyo85
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I don't mean to be a dick, but if anyone told me they weren't looking for a relationship cause they were busy with school, I'd take it as a huge red flag and wave them goodbye on the spot. It's a mind set that is completely incomprehensible to me. People connecting is something so rare and difficult, that to start off with the clear intention of not even trying cause you're "too busy" is...
...anyway, on topic - you allowed it to become a relationship. It's not how you label it, it's how you act it. Be a man about it and call it what it is. Now you have to decide - do you like him enough to try and work this out, or do you prefer to go your separate ways. If you like him, explain to him that he cannot make you choose between him and school if he really gives a shit about you, and that being a needy fuck is generally unattractive.
...anyway, on topic - you allowed it to become a relationship. It's not how you label it, it's how you act it. Be a man about it and call it what it is. Now you have to decide - do you like him enough to try and work this out, or do you prefer to go your separate ways. If you like him, explain to him that he cannot make you choose between him and school if he really gives a shit about you, and that being a needy fuck is generally unattractive.
Just_Believe18
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Molten, chill out. This is a no-flame zone.
As for the author of this thread, I am a bit dismayed. This has been going on for several months and you still feel like this is some kind of... what? Fuck buddy situation?
There are a lot of details missing here in your post about the natural of your relationship. Have you told each other that you love each other? I'm curious as to your level of intimacy with this guy. He certainly views the relationship as pretty serious if he's introduced you to his family and is "practically living with you."
A lot of these circumstances require consent on your part. If you are allowing yourself to be introduced as the "boyfriend," then you are consenting to such a title. If this made you feel uncomfortable or not how you felt, then you should have objected some time ago.
There is a clear disconnect in communication here that you need to bridge with your boyfriend. You also need to accept that your actions have responsibilities and consequences. If you are playing the part of a boyfriend, then you are the boyfriend. If you are not the boyfriend, and if this is not a relationship, then you need to put your foot down and establish that.
(Although it may be too late at this point.)
As for the author of this thread, I am a bit dismayed. This has been going on for several months and you still feel like this is some kind of... what? Fuck buddy situation?
There are a lot of details missing here in your post about the natural of your relationship. Have you told each other that you love each other? I'm curious as to your level of intimacy with this guy. He certainly views the relationship as pretty serious if he's introduced you to his family and is "practically living with you."
A lot of these circumstances require consent on your part. If you are allowing yourself to be introduced as the "boyfriend," then you are consenting to such a title. If this made you feel uncomfortable or not how you felt, then you should have objected some time ago.
There is a clear disconnect in communication here that you need to bridge with your boyfriend. You also need to accept that your actions have responsibilities and consequences. If you are playing the part of a boyfriend, then you are the boyfriend. If you are not the boyfriend, and if this is not a relationship, then you need to put your foot down and establish that.
(Although it may be too late at this point.)
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Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Obviously you don't feel the same depth of passion and commitment to your bf as he does for you.
Fair enough.
Cut him loose. He doesn't deserve this.
No one is at fault here....but you will be if you keep some guy around for a casual fuck, or to be emotionally or physically available only when you decide you can fit him into your schedule.
Obviously you don't feel the same depth of passion and commitment to your bf as he does for you.
Fair enough.
Cut him loose. He doesn't deserve this.
No one is at fault here....but you will be if you keep some guy around for a casual fuck, or to be emotionally or physically available only when you decide you can fit him into your schedule.
neditesjamais
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This advice bears repeating.
HunterM
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Oh my gosh, if only I could find someone like the guy you described...
altlover85
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He sounds manipulative and needy, but you aren't really being fair either if you don't voice your feelings.
When he introduced you as his boyfriend, it would have been a good idea to let him know later that you weren't aware that you two were now boyfriends and that you don't feel the same way.
That said, it hasn't been all that long and I know some people (including myself at times) are bad communicators and too passive, so I can understand how this happened.
When he introduced you as his boyfriend, it would have been a good idea to let him know later that you weren't aware that you two were now boyfriends and that you don't feel the same way.
That said, it hasn't been all that long and I know some people (including myself at times) are bad communicators and too passive, so I can understand how this happened.