Needing some advice

[MrCreative]

Hi guys,​

I haven't been to the forums lately, but have something that's been
on my mind that I need some advice about.

Lately I have been feeling pretty lonely. Sometimes I feel like I want to be alone, but at the same time want to be I around other people. It can get a bit frustrating not knowing whether or not being around others will make me happy.

I think the feeling of loneliness is due to having trust issues with my family. A lot of the time it makes me feel very unsure about myself and life in general..

Are there ways you've overcame not being able to trust anyone?

Having trust issues has made it hard for me to trust anyone, including myself. It sucks because I have the most amazing friends in the world that have the biggest hearts, and it feels like I can barely give any of my genuine self in return. Its also hard not wanting to be in a relationship because of that, too.

I just want to be happy and not have to fake a smile at work or out with friends.

Sorry if some of this doesn't make sense. It was a lot to type.


Thanks for any advice you give.


-MrCreative

 

[MrCreative]

Guess its a topic no one on here feels comfortable with. Thanks for viewing anyway.

 

[burke67]

Mr. C,

FYI... a number of members will view and then ponder a topic before replying... that might take them some time... patience.

Trust is tricky; it's a two way thing, and it's earned not given.

Not trusting your family is surely complicating your trusting others... and not trusting yourself is most likely the larger issue. Trusting oneself will allow us to earn and keep the trust that others give us. In turn we give trust to those who've earned it.

What about yourself don't you trust?

Have others given you their trust?

I'm curious if you've given and received trust, and perhaps don't realize it. Do your good friends trust you? Do you trust them?


Your comments about "fake smiles" and feeling you "don't give my genuine self" would; from experience, lead me to think you are depressive and would benefit greatly in pursuing help on that front. Depression cripples our perceptions of friends, family, ourselves and the world.

Wishing you the best,

Burke

 

[Eagle653]

There are a couple of ways of dealing with lack of trust in your life. One way is to confront and deal with the episodes that made you lose trust in your family. This may, or may not, be practical or possible in your case. A second way is to gradually build trust in those around you--friends, co-workers, even acquaintances. Trustworthiness in others build trust in you toward them and, by extension, the larger world in general.

If you take the second approach, choose your targets carefully and those that stand the highest chance of restoring your faith in people. You're fragile on this topic right now, so the last thing you need is to be let down or betrayed.

You've captured the torn feelings about lost trust. What you also describe might be some mild depression--stemming, perhaps, from anger of being let down by your family. It's impossible to tell from this distance, but something to consider.

Yet another way to restore trust is to visit with a counselor/therapist for a few sessions, explain what precipitated the lost trust in the first place and, given your specific circumstances, how to best navigate out of it.

You aren't alone in these feelings, unfortunately. It's pretty common, but the good news is that it can be reversed and you don't have to feel like this. Good luck and let us know what happens.

 

[HunterM]

Hello MrCreative,
No one knows you better than yourself. If you don't trust yourself, it would be difficult for you to trust others. It does sound like you're depressed. Please see a professional counselor to get better.

List out things that would make you happy. Set obtainable goals. Plan out how to accomplish those activities. DO NOT believe in the notion that you need someone else to make you happy. YOU have to make yourself happy. You can only do that when you're feeling better about yourself...having confidence in yourself...trusting yourself. Then you share your happiness and trust with others. When you radiate positive energy and confidence, you draw people in. Your world opens up with a lot more options.

Take care of yourself first. Get help and feel better!

 

[altlover85]

Guess its a topic no one on here feels comfortable with. Thanks for viewing anyway.

I couldn't relate to what you were saying, so I didn't respond.

As burke67 said patience is important. I've found it can take a day before people respond to my threads.

 

[hightower7]

hi MrCreative,

i cant say i completely understand, but i sort of understand. just the other night i went to a club with my friends and felt completely alone in a crowded room. and the day before i was sitting in my room wanting to be anywhere else in the world. and i have been dealing with this ambivalence of sorts for a good long while.

i think that it does come from trust issues. i dont want to be with my family because they arent the most supportive people in the world and on the flip side, i dont want to be with my friends because they are very different people, completely different lifestyles from my own. but then again there are things that i talk about with my friends that i cant talk to my family and vice versa... you probably get the idea.

i dont think ive ever overcome not able to trust someone. i guess it comes from having a very active/artistic/creative imagination, if that makes sense. i always think that people judge me, even complete strangers that i will never see again. but it helps to think of people as having their own little world and they are probably dealing with their own trials and tribulations. therefore, you and your problems might not figure in their world very largely (not that that doesnt make you important).

YOU have to make yourself happy. You can only do that when you're feeling better about yourself...having confidence in yourself...trusting yourself.

i totally agree with HunterM, but i dont know how i would define "happy." so that is something that you would have to define for yourself.

but i deal with all of the above by taking complete pride in the fact that i have something unique to offer the world. i know i am intelligent and very mature for my age, so that aids me in dealing with the trust issues by realizing what is important to me and my life while others worry and stress about relatively trivial things (i hope that doesnt sound elitist or stuck-up).

sorry i wrote a book but i hope it helps you to see that trust, like happiness, is kind of hard to define sometimes.

 

[hylas]

I couldn't relate to what you were saying, so I didn't respond.

pretty much the same here... you say you have great friends, but you also say you feel lonely. can you not stop feeling lonely by hanging out with your great freinds?

 

[Seasoned]

I know what it's like feeling lonely in a crowd and like some others here I think it would be wise to get an opinion from a mental health professional as to a depression eval. I'm not sure how your feelings of loneliness relate to trust issues so, again, that seems to be a topic for a mental health professional. Isolating allows for an unchallenged inner dialog which can lead to a vicious circle. I think you did yourself a great service by articulating your thoughts here. Keep writing and do consider therapy. It works wonders for ne.