Negative and shy

[Dodger712]

Since you are afraid of psychiatrists and docs then perhaps you should try going to a book store and see if you can find a book on building self-esteem. There is a good one with a title similar to "Seven Steps to A Healthy Self Esteem". Don't recall who it is by. My copy was stolen. (guess the "thief" thought it was a good book)
But there are other books like this at most book stores. If possible, get one that is a Workbook, not just one you would read. The exercises will help you with building a good self-esteem.
Finally, just be yourself and don't feel you have to impress anyone. When we do that, we tend to come across as fake. I am not what ANYONE in the gay community would call "attractive" it seems BUT I have a great sense of humor, a kind heart, and am passionate about the people I care about. That makes me a good person and if my looks keep someone from knowing me then it is THEIR loss and not mine. Try to develop an attitude like that. The people who are WORTH knowing will not judge you by what is on the outside but what is inside of you. Best of luck and I hope this helps.

 

[Smitho]

Another thing I like when I start to feel down is some regular exercise, are you a member of a gym? Also trying a healthier diet? Loads of shit food makes me feel down, but more in a tired sense rather than what you are talking about.

I am not sure it can solve all your problems, but it can't hurt and will I think make you feel a bit better.

 

[Smitho]

I think anything to give you some direction. If you have bike I would start with 20-30 min around your home? Not sure if you are city or countryside. Or the same on the treadmill, try and get a sweat up for 30 min a day push yourself a bit and make it a routine. As your body starts to look better I think it should help your self esteem. Try and start and stick to it!

For a heathier diet, I am not sure what you eat / drink now, or even if you need to lose weight?, but cutting out sugary snacks, or salted snacks and more fresh fruit will all help. Cutting down alcohol, can help you sleep better. Also coffee, I would just say general tips for a helthier diet. More veggies and less fried food! Its difficult no knowing anything about your diet now to be specific.

I don't know if it will solve all your problems, but I am sure it is at least a start!

Good luck if you decide to follow it through.

 

[rareboy]

No Caffeine.

No High fructose corn syrup.

No msg.

No excuses.

Get on the bike, not the treadmill. Maybe even get on one that takes you someplace.

Get out and walk. And walk. And walk some more.


I don't care if you're afraid.

See your family doctor anyway. You may have a blood sugar problem or other condition that is making you depressed.

Get a regular 8 hours of sleep. Stop staying up at night or sleeping in until late.

Volunteer for something. This will do your self-esteem a world of good.

 

[Fishstix]

Hi Pupi18,

I hope you didn't remove your picture from low self-esteem reasons. If you'd rather keep yourself anonymous, that's ok. You're not a bad looking guy and there are people attracted to every type of people out there. Even obese old men have fans. Your English is also very good and I think I might've only noticed one mistake in this thread and everyone makes a few mistakes while posting. It's way better than most people's English on here whether it's their first language or not. You don't need to apologize for it, no one would've noticed.

For diet, cut out the soda and other high sugar drinks and switch to mainly water. Some people don't like water much but they get used to it and like it after a while. Low fat milk isn't bad either. Try to eat as little Ice cream, candy, cookies, cake, donuts, and other sweats that have refined sugars. Too much refined sugar causes depression. Fruit should be ok since it's natural sugar and it's said that people should have 3-4 servings a day. Avoid eating too much fast food too.

Reconnect with your friends. Send an email to them telling them that you miss them and would like to hang out sometime when both of your schedules are free. If you're too busy to contact and hang out with each and every one of them, do it one at a time. Join clubs and meet new people. Like someone said, don't worry about trying to impress people and you're find your self more relaxed and comfortable.

Write a list of all your good traits and forget about any of your bad traits. Just work on them to get them to where you want them to be.

These things won't happen over night and may take a long time but if you work hard at them, you'll start to notice a difference and start to become happier.

 

[spencer]

it's okay to be a different person. it sounded like back when you thought your personality was great you were a bit nieve. Now that you've grown a little you've become more studious, less ignorant to the world and less clumsy.

You've grown up, so put yourself out there as this smarter, worldy person. There's no need to be that kid you once were. Those were good memories, but it's time to make new memories.

Meet people that have similar interests. You say you like to hang around campus listening to your ipod and being on your computer. That describes like 100 other people. Find them on facebook or other social networking sites. Go on gay sites as well and establish friendships on the computer and then ask to meet up as friends.

Good luck

 

[thewiz]

I read that you had an accident....a lot of time a change in your lifestyle like that can cause depression which only adds to low self esteem.

I agree -- get out the bike and begin riding. You don't have to set any marathon records to start, enjoy the ride and the outdoors. Do some other exercises for the other muscles in your body. I know I find I get a natural high from a good workout-- plus there are often cute guys to look at in the gym! lol!

Make a record of where you start in your workout. As you see improvements, they will help to improve your self esteem. As for diets -- I just try to eat lots of fruit, vegetables, nuts, and much less red meat and carbs. I do have a soft spot for good breads and I have not cut them out. But it's moderation, less fat, and turkey meats are great for beef and other meat substitute!

 

[JB3]

Pupi18, I think you and me are exactly the same type of person.

In high school I bounced off the walls and was pretty much as hyper as hyper could be. I talked to everyone, and was not afraid to meet new people. When I got to college, though, I became a total introvert. I considered dropping out more than once, and really had a tough time dealing with the stress. I battled some depression, but nothing serious enough that it caused me to do something negative. I didn't exercise much, ate poorly, and had waaaayy too much caffeine. From my Freshmen to senior year I gained 25 pounds, almost all of which came my junior and senior year. Even though I was in a fraternity and lived in my fraternity house, many weekends I would sit in my room with the door locked during parties and actively avoid interacting with people.

I'm still that person, but I've been making great progress at getting 'back' to the high school me. I'm a grad student seeking a masters degree and a teaching certificate, which requires me to break out of my shell. (the whole being a teacher thing, you know) I've also started exercising, at least four days a week, and have totally transformed my diet. I haven't had 'junk' food since February, and haven't had any fast-food since the same time.

When I was in college, my mom always told me that exercising was a great way of 'burning' off the stress; only now do I realize how absolutely true it is. That alone will help silence that voice in the back of your head reminding you of how much you have to do, or why you shouldn't socialize.

The other part, though, is that you have to actively make the effort to socialize with people. I know its hard; you'll expend far more energy being social than you will hiding out from people or shutting out the world with your headphones. Trust me, at the end of a good night of being social and hanging out with friends, you'll be exhausted. But, the rewards are worth it, and it gets easier as you go along. It'll be a little awkward at first, but you'll get the hang of it with time.

One last thing; don't be self-conscious about being shy! There's nothing wrong with it, unless it gets to the point where you're locking yourself in your house and refusing to go out into the outside world. Don't try to be someone you're not, but also don't hold yourself to being the 'shy guy'. Just let things happen and see where life takes you!

 

[slnattak]

Everybody is that way. It's not a problem.

You are describing a process. It takes time to open up to people and be comfortable with them. Esp. if you are not a natural extrovert. It's not something you really can help, and it just improves with time.

You just have to go with the uncomfortable feeling and stick it out.

There's nothing wrong with you. not a thing. You don't need therapy or patronizing comments about your self-esteem. You should already be exercising and eating right though. They do help improve mood.

 

[slnattak]

You are being so self-critical. You say you are negative and shy.

What you REALLY are is just a safe and cautious person. And guess what? That's a GOOD thing. That keeps you alive.

You don't want to be so comfortable with people that you tell them information that they could hurt you. People have to earn your trust. Your social inhibitions exist for a reason, to protect you from harm.

Everything is working as it's supposed to. You are probably just influenced by the stupid media and a society that values extroversion.

However, despite you being naturally more withdrawn and to yourself- studies have shown that people usually are happier when they focus on others and not themselves. So try it out! You'll probably realize most people are just as shy and negative as you are and for good reasons!

 

[slnattak]

Right. It plays on people's low self-esteem to keep them watching. It is an emotional game. But you have to realize that nobody can effect your emotions but you. No matter what writer wants you to feel about something, *you* are always in control -- and you will feel whatever it is that you feel.

You being emotional isn't the problem. Humans are emotional by our very nature. We have a complex empathetic system.

True self-confidence doesn't mean that you tell people stuff about yourself that they haven't earned the right to know. You will start sharing and opening up when *you* feel ready and guess what? In a relationship it's just not YOUR responsibility for that, it's also the other person's. If they want you to open up, they gotta open up. If they want you to be nice, they gotta be nice. And vice-versa.

Being guarded and negative and shy aren't bad things in and of themselves.

 

[slnattak]

See what happened here?

I helped you realign your own energy via the Law of Attraction/The Secret. I fully accepted you as you are. I didn't ask you to change to please me.

You have to be okay with being shy and realize the subtle differences about when to open up and when not to, and it's all a learning process.

Lots of guys like genuine shy guys. People who always gotta talk, seem like attention whores to me.