Nerdy gay, my double social ostracism.

[Esquire0399]

Chardius, there are so many more gay nerds out there than anyone might ever realize. The fact is, while many nerds can be pointed out from miles away, I'd be willing to bet that the majority of us are hiding (though perhaps unintentionally) in plain sight, myself included. Here's my story:

Growing up, I had 3 super close friends that I did everything with, meaning we played video games, card games, went to comic book shops, messed around with computers (mostly just me), and not much else. Never once did we consider the fact that we were, according to societal standards, nerds. However, throughout that time, I was also involved in many non-nerdy things, including having played literally every organized sport by the time I was 11. This was pretty much the only time I was away from my buddies.

It wasn't until probably high school that we realized none of us had many friends at all other than each other and that we were in fact about as nerdy as a person could be. Around this time, my mom started pushing me to become more socially "normal," wanting me to make new friends, go to parties, date girls (little did she know), etc. She was never very accepting of my less-than-mainstream interests or dreams, and absolutely hated my shyness, which ultimately created some very deep issues of insecurity that I still deal with at times. The fact is, my mom was one of those people who knew everyone and did everything when she was younger, as was my dad, and my older sister, and my very-close-in-age cousin, and my dog, and the dust bunny under the refrigerator, etc. It makes sense that she would expect the same from me, but that just wasn't the case and there were many nights that I cried myself to sleep knowing that I could never be what she wanted. At that time I believed even with great grades and other talents, I still couldn't make her proud of me. That made growing up tough, on top of all the emotions and uncertainty I was already feeling towards my then unaccepted sexuality.

I guess the part that confused my mom the most was that, on the surface, not only did I just look like everyone else, I was downright fashionable. My appearance was that of your typical trendy, stylish, self-assured, and maybe even shallow high school kid who played sports, kissed girls (I did kiss one), and didn't really have much to talk about. And everyone knows that nerdy and fashionable MUST be mutually exclusive, much like nerd and gay. Underneath that exterior however, was that same nerdy and horribly insecure guy who'd rather play video games with his best friends on a Friday night, where he felt safe, than be at a party with people who I couldn't care less about and where he might embarrass himself.

Today, four years after graduating high school 17th in a class of 400 (NERD!), and 12 days before graduating college with a very nerdy Civil Engineering degree (Environmental concentration), I'm still that same shy, sometimes insecure, gay super nerd with the same super nerd best friends (and a few new ones) and the same stylish and confident exterior, only I've learned to be proud of and embrace every single part of myself; the gay part, the nerdy part, the artistic part, football fan, fashion lover, zombie/sci-fi movie geek, all of it. While none of those pieces are necessarily shaped quite right to make a perfect puzzle, they do make a completely imperfect and very happy Sean (me), and I wouldn't have it any other way.

What I'm saying is, while it may seem that you are alone at times, take comfort in knowing that you are the furthest thing from it. We're humans, not stock TV characters. We can be made up of any combination of qualities (gay and nerdy are my favorite combination) and we're all super awesome because of it.

BTW, don't think that I am bitter towards my mom or anything like that. She's awesome but, like the rest of us, imperfect, and learning as she goes, as proving by her acceptance of my nerdy charm.

 

[GL]

us gay geeks are out there. my particular fascination is with comic books (i have a near encyclopedic memory on comic books with an emphasis on dc comics) and sci fi movies both current and classic. i wear my geek proudly because it is a huge part of who i am.

 

[alli-berri]

Wow, my post turned out to be a lot longer than I had anticipated.

I played video games like a madman (I still play'm on the reg, albeit not as time consumingly), and I think it made a lot of sense, I mean I hated being around straight guys because I was afraid to face my possible attraction to them, and I of course wouldn't even think to tell my parents about any homosexual acts or desires. So, staying at home alone playing video games and socializing with other nerdy folks online was the perfect way to abstain from sexuality entirely -- I didn't have to be a man or a woman or straight or gay, I was just "OldSapphire" or "Poison" or Player 36. It was a great way to escape reality, and fun as hell, I might add. I shouldn't say that I entirely abstained from sexuality though, because I did ALWAYS (and still do) pick a female character if at all possible hehe.

My other, even MORE extreme nerdiness, however, came in the form of METAL... this is where I did find a social scene, like you, amongst a group of so-called outcasts. EVERY day was a band t-shirt day. Ugh, how dreadful lol. But I liked that everybody knew where I fit in, even if sexually I was all over the place. We metalheads weren't very well understood by the MTV Real World generation, especially since I had a PARTICULAR affinity for 80s glam... But I mean have you seen those guys???? That was probably the gayest fad that straight men will ever embrace without worrying about anyone questioning their sexuality. I knew and still know the most inconsequential details about every glam band under the sun, not to mention most classic heavy metal artists, JUDAS PRIEST being my all-time number one, of course -- I STILL hang a poster of Rob Halford (my idol, role model, and first gay obsession) up in every home I occupy. When I wake up, boom: Rob half-naked in full S&M gear. It comforts me to see such a widely received and openly homosexual icon every day before I walk out the door. "You can do this," I tell myself. "He does it."

I know that you, too, have found strength in your niche-interests, and I think that's flippin awesome, and totally gay. Finding gay metalheads is next to impossible, of course, but I hope you've since found other fantasy-game nerds since leaving high school and coming to your realization of all this -- it looks like you've already found several nerdy queers on JUB just from posting this thread .

As someone else mentioned, you have a distinctly positive attitude, and let me tell you, optimism and inner-strength can get you through the toughest shit, the toughest shit. Not to mention your mad pwnage skillz, which I hope are a nice confidence booster here and again .

Good luck pardner, I hope someday you can find solace in your familial relationships.

 

[anchihiro]

Hey, i like warhammer my favourite was always Skaven.

I like the marvel universe too.

Being a geek is cool, i'd rather be friends with/date/shag someone that had a passion for something rather than someone who would ridicule another for merely being an expert in a given subject.

 

[Ryuusei Boy]

I'm a big video game geek, it's probably my biggest passion. Funnily enough, I've met tons of people precisely because my gaming love, a good part of my closest friends are gamers too. It's all about attending tournaments, expos, joining a "clan", whatever.

*Goes to play New Super Mario Bros. Wii*