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Nervous about dating again/ dating an instructor

L

leNate

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I’ve been single for the past 16 months. I decided that I needed to focus on the most import things in my life: school and myself. Outside of a few hooks ups I’ve been completely out of the dating world. My grades have been great and I’m really proud of the work I’ve been making. It’s also been really refreshing to have my happiness depend on me, and not the relationship I was in. But all that went down the drain about three weeks ago when I went out with an instructor at my school.

I don’t even know how it happened. It’s not something I ever saw myself doing. I’m taking summer courses and we saw each other around a lot. We never talked or anything like that. One day in the elevator he asked me out for a drink and I said yes. Inappropriate? Yes. Stupid? Yes. Am I falling for him anyway? Yes. We’ve been out three times since and nothing has happened between us other than some kissing. I can’t explain all the good things about him. He’s so kind and so intelligent, really sweet and soft spoken, just plain freaking wonderful. He’s also 31 and the oldest guy I’ve ever dated. I’ve always been with younger guys so being with him is refreshing to say the least.

Besides the obvious issues of him being an instructor at my college (although I’ve never had him for a teacher, but I’m guessing that technicality doesn’t count for much, huh?) I’m completely freaked out about dating again. I’ve been on my own for a long time now but I feel myself falling for him. Part of me thinks these feelings are exaggerated because I haven’t dated in over a year. I wonder what he sees in me, or if this goes beyond physical attraction for him. We’ve only been out a few times so I don’t want to think to hard on it. I don’t know why he is the guy to finally get to me. Maybe it was just time? I’m nervous for what I’m getting myself into. What kind of future can we have if this gets serious? Do I even want that? I have no idea what I’m doing. I just know that I like him a lot and he is wonderful to me.

He asked me if I wanted to have dinner at his place some time next week. I told him that I would have to think on it. I’m not trying to play hard to get or any of that crap, I really need to think about it. I know that if I go to his place a lot more will happen between us. I don’t want to make a stupid decision.

:help:
 
The only potential pitfall I see here is if this guy is an instructor of any courses you see yourself taking. Because that could prove majorly troublesome. If that's not an issue, then I don't think the "instructor/student" thing will come into play.

I'd say ask the instructor out for coffee, and lay out your concerns. You're worried about where this might lead, you're worried that you might fall for him if that's not something he's looking for, you're worried about possible entanglements. He should be able to give you some idea where his head's at, and if you might both be on the same page.

Lex
 
i think so long as he has not been one of your instructors you're all right.

i think there is something of a gray area because of his situation on campus and there may even be rules against his seeing students outside of class on a personal level.

all i can tell you is to be careful.
 
Personally I don't see anything wrong with it as everyone is an adult here. This isn't high school.

But yeah just make sure if there are any rules about that at your school that you aren't too open with it.
 
The most important thing you can do is talk to him. Tell him your concerns. It sounds like you guys have been taking things slow anyway (which is a good thing) so I get the feeling he'd be receptive to hearing whatever is holding you back.

As far as him being an instructor at your school, just don't take any of his classes. Problem solved.
 
magicman84 said:
The most important thing you can do is talk to him. Tell him your concerns.
Click to expand...

^^^QFT.

He's only 7 years older than you which is not that much of a difference.

You've taken on all the guilt and discomfort in this relationship. It's time that you talked with him about what you're feeling and where the relationship is going. Have this talk preferably before you end up at his place.
 
Everyone else has put the case precisely.

If he were your instructor. Big Problem.

In this case, I don't see a problem. Except you both seem to be wasting all your time just kissing.
 
as long as your not taking his class go out with him but as others have said just by chance your school has a policy against teacher/student relationships be careful not to get caught. consider going places that aren't near your school where other students may see you together. go to his house for dinner and have your talk with him and tell him your concerns over dinner.
 
We talked over lunch today and I laid out my concerns. We both established that we’re looking for something long term. He says there is no rule against student/faculty relationship but its not thought highly of. It’s happened in the past, but as you all said, it was only a problem because some of those students were taking their classes. I’m still nervous about getting into a relationship at this time but I’m willing to take the risk on him. So dinner tomorrow and my fingers are crossed for this.
 
I'd say go for the dinner and the talking and the kissing and whatever that leads to. Who knows -- he might be "the" one.
 
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