Nervous around other gay men.

[Lasosa]

I just came out at the beginning of this year (all but family). Anyway, I moved to a new city to help me explore my sexuality and personal acceptance. I'm completely comfortable with the fact that I'm gay, but for some reason, I just can't seem to relax around other gay men.

I've been to one gay bar since I've been out, and I received a bit of attention from several of the men there. I found it very difficult to have a conversation with them, however. For some reason, I couldn't get over the fact that the person I was talking to was also gay. It seems that it would be easier to talk to them if they didn't know that I was gay as well. A similar incident happened just a few days ago. I was at a book store browsing the gay section when another man came up next to me and started browsing books as well. My heart was racing faster than ever, and I couldn't seem to concentrate on what I was doing.

Is this normal for newly outed people? My goal was to come to this city so that I could explore the gay culture, but even now that I'm comfortable and accepting of my sexuality, I just can't seem to do it.

 

[terrorblade]

I think that you're really unused to it, you'll probably become more comfortable with everything in a while.
People have some weird defense mechanisms sometimes and in case of gay people, those defenses are often very high while they're in the closet. It takes a while to 'warm up' to people, but I'm sure you'll be able to manage it.

 

[12fear99]

You will be fine. It sometimes takes some adjustment to something that is new to you. Just let nature take its course. Especially once you hook up with someone and relaxing with him.

 

[Puzuzzu]

Lasosa, i kinda have the same problem, so i assume its normal.

 

[G-Lexington]

Judging from your post, it sounds less like you're uncomfortable around other gay men, and more like you're uncomfortable about people knowing you're gay before they "get to really know you". And I can relate to that. I was once worried about that. That people would find out I was gay "too early", and thus pigeonhole me, or rubber stamp me with a bunch of (what I consider) negative stereotypes. But I've since relaxed a lot about this. People still possibly do that to me, when they see me in the gay section of the bookstore or whatever. But anyone who would do so would probably also rubberstamp me for a host of other reasons - my skin color, my age, my mode of dress. If they want to think I'm "girly" or sex-starved or your-least-favorite-gay-stereotype-here because I'm gay, that's their issue, not mine.

Lex

 

[Lube]

Are you a virgin? Are you nervous because, now that you've philosophically accepted you're gay, you now actually have to do something about it if you're attracted to someone? Perfectly normal. Just do it.

 

[Neji]

Sounds a lot like me.

 

[Luka]

I am very awkward around other gay guys, you just need to force yourself to talk, lol

 

[new86]

It's normal.
I felt exactly like you, I never went out in gay places (please take note, where I live there is just a little gay bar) because I didn't feel like I was able to do that... but 2 friends helped me, the first one... we were together in his car and he said "let's go there"... I had to but it helped, even though I felt very embarassed... the another one asked me out to a party and then in a big disco in Milano. In there, an enormous crowded place, I felt veeery cool and "happy" appreciating the fact that anyone there was cool about homos (there were also straight people, but was gay.night LOL).

Take your time

 

[Spensed]

It's perfectly normal for some people.

A little of it has to do with heterosexualitis, my joke word for the fear that straight guys have that every gay guy wants to jump their bones and that, even if that were true, they couldn't deal with by just saying, "No, thanks."

The nervousness will become a distant memory as you meet and get to know more gay guys.

What helps is meeting gay guys in not necessarily a sexualized and/or drunk context (at least in the first instance). I'm in no way knocking gay bars, but, unless you're into drinking in bars, a better bet for becoming less nervous around gay guys is to come across them in gay social, sporting, political, charity, support or commong interest groups like amateur theatrics, if they're available near you. New acquaintances made that way have friends and that's a cliche way of increasing your social circle gaywise. Good luck.