Never have a relationship.

[sexualdemon]

Hi guys,

So basically I'm a 21 year old guy living in England. And I have never had a relationship. And now I'm worried I never will.

So this all started a few days ago when I started to watch ‘The New Normal’. Basic premise is two gay guys having a baby together with a surrogate. Now this got me thinking about me and my future relationships. I see the two characters and wish with all my heart that I was in a happy stable relationship like them.

I know they are older, possible thirties, and I know I have time. I’m finishing university this year but really want to do my masters. And of course to keep costs down I will live at home.

And then if I want my doctorate that’s another three to four years! So I will be about 26 when I leave home! I feel this is too late to start my adult life.

Right now I'm trying to get myself fitter, slimming down and really starting to take an interest in my appearance. The problem is I find that most of the gay community, not all, is centred on looks. Like when you’re young you have to be thin, or have a six pack to fit in.

To be honest I just wanna know has anyone else felt like this? Like you are never going to find that one special guy? Or ever have a date?

Much appreciated for any replies or helpful words of wisdom.

 

[hylas]

oh dont worry about such things at 21. seriously. just dont.
not even straight people worry at that age, and us fags are 5-10 years delayed in matters of the heart.
put yourself out there and see what comes your way.

is there no way of moving out, though? because living at home will put a major damper on your sexual explorations, i imagine.

looks are important, thats true. one can moan about that (not that im suggesting you are) but its not gonna change. i think the important things are to work with what you have, not be hypocritical, not get bitter or desperate... and always remember that what seems unattractive to some - perhaps a majority - is attractive to others.

 

[Rolyo85]

What is the issue with having a relationship and living at home?

 

[hylas]

i just imagine it would have been weird for me. i also never dated a guy who was living with his parents when i was around his age, but i probably would have thought it was awkward. maybe its just me.

 

[dutchmaster]

Living at home and having a relationship is no fun. You always have to go to the other guy's place, or get a room or something. It can be awkward, not because it's a guy, but because taking your significant other to your parent's place can be no good. Anyone had this situation?

 

[loveguys72]

Having a romp with the folks in the next room is awkward to say the least. So, I get where you're coming from. But, you can date and get a room (or go to his place) when you want a bit of fun. Go get involved with you local LGBT center and see if there are any social or hobby groups that interest you. Just live your life and be open to love wherever you find it.

Good luck to you.

 

[sexualdemon]

Thanks guys. I mean I wouldn't say I'm ugly it's just the weight issue. I have crazy child bearing hips lol. And I think it was just the fact that the tv show was portraying the perfect live I craved that.

Tbh I think my parents would be fine, but I have my uni work and hopefully my masters so maybe after that I'll really start looking.

 

[Seasoned]

Be open to life and to all possibilities even while you are focused on your education. There's no reason you can't squeeze in some type of workout routine if you'd like to be more fit. As for comparing yourself to others, especially movie and television stars or even model types, be careful. Those people for the most part were hired for their looks. Don't allow that to affect your self-esteem.

My two pieces of advice are, don't fixate and never put your life or your desires completely on hold. That can end up being an excuse to be semi-miserable until the deadline and then being really miserable after the deadline because nothing happens by magic. Be open and do what you need to do today to be happy. Good luck.

 

[ForgeeetMeee]

Don't worry about that. I'm 23 and never had a relationship. Yep, most of the guys expect you to be fit and have six packs, otherwise they won't be interested in you. Well, I don't care if they don't like me, I live for myself and there's somewhere a guy for me who will love me chubby or not

 

[Rolyo85]

I had my first relationship at 25. No rush.

 

[sexualdemon]

All great advice. I have started an exercise regime, but then cupcakes get in the way. lol. But im not worried as much. I can fantasise. But you guys are awesome. Thanks.

 

[Callum]

Well, OP, I understand your struggle with weight. I have clinical OCD so I dropped out of high school four months from graduating (couldn't stand the post-high school reality etc etc) and developed a binge-eating disorder and gained eighty pounds. Thought I'd never get a relationship, hit a low with attempted suicide etc. Went to therapy and that didn't work at all, later found out my therapist was a Bible-thumping homophobe. Yay. Removed most grains, stopped eating anything with high-fructose corn syrup (I swear the migraines after quitting Pepsi/Coke made me want to die), cut out red meat and scored my protein from fish and chicken, did cardio for 45 minutes a day. I have a body I'm comfortable with now to do swimming and join water polo! Entered university as a mature student (19 in Canada), finishing now and entering medical school (fingers crossed). Takes a lot of willpower to change it all around, but you're only alive once (and young!) so make the most of it, I think...

Anywho, regarding the relationship bit. I'm 23 this year and finally started dating! It's a change of pace, and I've found time flies by at an insane rate. I swear it was December an hour ago. We met online through mutual Facebook friends (sigh, means that eHarmony statistic is true for me where 1/5th meet online) and things just snowballed and we instantly clicked.

Hope things work out for you!

 

[ForgeeetMeee]

Hand over your cupcakes and there will be a peace

 

[MusicLoverDude]

I feel ya. I was cyberbullied over my weight at 15 on a gayteenforum and that nearly tore me to shreds. I'm 19 now and I've never had a boyfriend. And the annoying part for me is that basically every guy that hits on me is over the age of 25 or 30. No one younger than that and that pisses me off, because while I like older guys, I don't want them being the only ones wanting me. I'm still a little chubby but I can definitely manage myself.