Never Make Yourself Less Than Someone

[JNewYork]

I'm coming to a place of growth and I felt like writing about it.

Too many times I've found myself in a situation where I (the gay guy) find myself very attracted to a guy, (usually straight but not always) or even if not attracted to him sexually, I find myself admiring a guy too much.

This admiration most times is not returned and I find myself hungering for the guy's approval or friendship. I find myself in a position where I am almost needing the recognition or friendship or approval of the guy I admire.

I'm now making a serious effort to stop doing that!

I am not going to throw myself at the feet of another. I'm not going to grovel to somebody. I have self-respect and I'm a good man. If somebody I admire does not feel the same way about me well, I am NOT going to try to change their mind.

I am going to MOVE ON.

Maybe growing up gay I felt "less than" around so many straights so I continue the pattern of placing myself in a position where I am less than.

No, I'm not less than. And if you're not going to respect me and treat me right, treat me with courtesy and equality, then I don't need you in my life.

And I don't care if you're my brother or my cousins either. I'm cutting you guys out of my life because you don't respect me as an equal. Until you can, I want nothing to do with you.

Friends are people who make you feel GOOD to be around. I'm going where it's warm.

 

[conrad]

I will write this in enlarged type because it is important: It is no service to others to allow yourself to become someone's door mat.

But, at the same time, you will I believe have a better experience if you stop worrying about yourself and present yourself as a loving friend willing to seek the good of the other for the sake of the other rather than your own. I believe you will find that there are other loving persons and when two persons with the same loving intent interact they often discover that they do indeed love each other and do go on to dare to express that love in a sexual way. It has happened that way for thousands of years.

There is a quality which is very helpful. In our language we name it serendipity and by that word we mean a quality which enables one to recognize the boons that come into one's life ( and that includes other persons) and to grasp those boons.

To have friends one must be willing to be a friend. Friends don't use each other they serve each other and in the process they themselves find that they are served.

Life and relationships can be beautiful.

 

[HunterM]

^^ well said for all relationships. Trust and Respect are keys to a successful relationship. Too much sacrifices on your side will eventually break you. You will become resentful...when your sacrifices are being taken advantage of and not being acknowledged.

 

[buttercup435]

I'm coming to a place of growth and I felt like writing about it.

Too many times I've found myself in a situation where I (the gay guy) find myself very attracted to a guy, (usually straight but not always) or even if not attracted to him sexually, I find myself admiring a guy too much.

This admiration most times is not returned and I find myself hungering for the guy's approval or friendship. I find myself in a position where I am almost needing the recognition or friendship or approval of the guy I admire.

I'm now making a serious effort to stop doing that!

I am not going to throw myself at the feet of another. I'm not going to grovel to somebody. I have self-respect and I'm a good man. If somebody I admire does not feel the same way about me well, I am NOT going to try to change their mind.

I am going to MOVE ON.

Maybe growing up gay I felt "less than" around so many straights so I continue the pattern of placing myself in a position where I am less than.

No, I'm not less than. And if you're not going to respect me and treat me right, treat me with courtesy and equality, then I don't need you in my life.

And I don't care if you're my brother or my cousins either. I'm cutting you guys out of my life because you don't respect me as an equal. Until you can, I want nothing to do with you.

Friends are people who make you feel GOOD to be around. I'm going where it's warm.

My friend, I am going through this EXACT dilemma. I never would've thought someone felt the same way I do. I would love to chat with you more to get more information.

 

[clicker]

I'm coming to a place of growth and I felt like writing about it.

Too many times I've found myself in a situation where I (the gay guy) find myself very attracted to a guy, (usually straight but not always) or even if not attracted to him sexually, I find myself admiring a guy too much.

This admiration most times is not returned and I find myself hungering for the guy's approval or friendship. I find myself in a position where I am almost needing the recognition or friendship or approval of the guy I admire.

I'm now making a serious effort to stop doing that!

I am not going to throw myself at the feet of another. I'm not going to grovel to somebody. I have self-respect and I'm a good man. If somebody I admire does not feel the same way about me well, I am NOT going to try to change their mind.

I am going to MOVE ON.

Maybe growing up gay I felt "less than" around so many straights so I continue the pattern of placing myself in a position where I am less than.

No, I'm not less than. And if you're not going to respect me and treat me right, treat me with courtesy and equality, then I don't need you in my life.

And I don't care if you're my brother or my cousins either. I'm cutting you guys out of my life because you don't respect me as an equal. Until you can, I want nothing to do with you.

Friends are people who make you feel GOOD to be around. I'm going where it's warm.

right on,JNEWYORK! I so relate,and there is no reason why any gay/bi guy needs to feel less than because most of the time, we are more complete than most of the arrogant straight guys we seem to admire. Ugh.

 

[playful6969]

Age old scenario and story...for humans of all sexual 'preference'....anyone can 'chase' after another who doesnt hold them in the same regard as themselves. This is not a just 'gay' thing. People do this in casual friendship too.

That being said, no one should allow themselves to be put in that situation. Find a friend/partner that treats you as an equal.

 

[JNewYork]

Thanks, guys. (Buttercup, I private messaged you.)

I deleted ten "friends" off of my Facebook account because I felt I was internet groveling. They weren't really my friends. They looked good and I was unconsciously doing that thing of chasing after some recognition or approval.

Not anymore.

 

[Ephemeral]

I'm going through the exact same thing.

We need to learn that gays are as equal as straight people. Besides, it takes courage and bravery to take it up the ass.

 

[mike_n_herrin]

I sometimes do the same thing...or at least seem to desire the attention or approval of the other guy. i can only think of one time when i let someone treat me badly and that was about 10 years ago. now i just tend to do this admiring thing mentally. probably something i could stop doing.

 

[JNewYork]

I think it's normal to do it to a degree. You see a guy and get real attracted to him and think very highly of him for his looks, style and personality, achievements, etc.

It's when you start to feel less than that you need to snap out of it. I can't count the number of times I've been in a position of misery, pining over somebody I couldn't have, desperate for his approval and attention.

And, not to sound conceited myself, I'm considered good-looking by a lot of people. It doesn't matter. I'm not immune to insecurity and feelings of not measuring up.

Gay guys every day lives in junior high and high school was about feeling "less than." (Generally speaking anyway.) I believe as adults we gravitate towards repeating the old school day scenarios or we recreate the scenarios because humans have a compulsion to go with what they know. Even if it's unhappiness.

Be good to yourself, guys. Nothing wrong with going crazy over a guy as long as you don't lose yourself and your sense of self-worth in the process.

Oh, and if you are feeling miserable and think that "Joe" is so great and you are not, just wait a few years and see how "Joe" really is, what becomes of him. That's another thing. Gays tend to worship these straights and not see the reality.

See the worth in YOURSELF. It's there.

 

[clicker]

I'm going through the exact same thing.

We need to learn that gays are as equal as straight people. Besides, it takes courage and bravery to take it up the ass.

no, most of the time gays are better.