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new boyfriend, new problems

I spoke to him today and I apologized for what i said because i was upset. He told me he was very hurt by the email.

What pissed me off is that he didn't feel the need to apologize to me about how I felt. Does he owe me an apology? He hurt me too. Made me feel unwanted and unappreciated. Still... no apology. Ok i let that slide... he's not good with formalities.

Ok now get this...this is what pulled my trigger

He said he wanted to cool down for a few days because he is still upset about the email. WTF? I just asked him if he could spend more time with me and he gives me this "let me cool down for a few days" shit. Should i be upset or am i just overreacting again?
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Jesus.

You just don't get it do you?

Yes you're over-reacting. No, he doesn't owe you an apology.

HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

Consider yourself dumped. Hopefully you learn not to be so controlling or clingy with the next guy you decide is your boyfriend.
 
CountryBiy86 said:
how about this...

scott, i think were 2 totally different people with different wants and needs. and obviously were not looking for the same things... i want to let you know i enjoyed the time we had with eachother with no regrets....and its time we go our separate ways

i dont know!! anything else i should say?
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If you're breaking up with him, what are you hoping to gain by perfecting the wording? Closure? Approval? What?
 
First off man, you have to talk not email. That's not the basis for a mature relationship - sorry. Next, listen to him -put yourself second for a while. What is he trying to say to you? If you are a friend, you want to be there for him - no matter if he has a problem or not, if he is self-destructive or not. Tell him how you feel, but find out how he feels first. Let him tell you in his own way and own time. If you are going to break with him - tell him to his face. Tell him soon, and tell him in whatever way the words come out.
 
Some general advice for the future.

1. Chill the fuck out for the first few months. Have fun, go out, don’t weigh things down with tons of emotional requirements and expectations, this is baggage; it’ll make you seem like a churning vortex of emotional need. Needy is only sexy to guys with problems. You’re just dating until you both agree explicitly that you want to commit for the long term. With most guys you date, you’ll never get there; it’s the same for just about everyone.

2. Don’t try to change the guy you’re dating. It’s fine to have fun along the way, but figure out if the guy you’re fucking is actually relationship material before you decide to emotionally invest. What are his habits, how does he behave, does he have a lot of acquaintances and no really close friends, is he dependable, is he honest, does he have a history of steady employment, etc. Find out if he’s really prince charming before you buy into the fairy tale – and yes, that’ll take longer than two months. You just hurt yourself by trying to change a toad into a prince, and that almost never works anyway.

My sister has a little saying, she uses it to describe a certain type of straight relationship, but there are plenty of gay ones it applies to as well – if you’re trying to change the guy you’re with, you were never dating him in the first place.

3. Compromise, compromise has no element of coercion to it, a guy has to want to compromise before you can get him to do it. Complaining, nagging, arguing, or any other type of emotional bombardment will only cause problems – yes your feelings are valid but that street runs both ways. If you have to rely on emotional outbursts to get attention, you’re dating the wrong guy. Yes you have needs, but so does he, if all you ever see is your needs, you’re the one who isn’t capable of compromise.

4. Mind, I’m not implying any thing about you personally, this is general advice. Spend your time single turning yourself into the guy you want to date. Being fit is attractive, confident is attractive, being a stand up guy is attractive, being considerate, compromising, honest, and dependable yourself makes you a better catch, and I guarantee you that if you spend your time bettering yourself, the guys you attract will be of a much better caliber than the guys you wind up with if you spend your time angsting about finding someone, or bemoaning the fate of your last failed attempt.

Better luck next time.

[/Great Aunt Eunice]
 
CountryBiy - my advice is a bit different from the other people here. To me it sounds like you do not enjoy having sex with strangers or casual acquaintances. It sounds like you want more than a roll in the hay.

So, my advice is, start with the emotional side. You don't have to figure out that you are in love right away, but at least make sure you're both headed in the same direction before you move into the bedroom.

If you find someone who doesn't understand why you need to be "so serious" when you could just get on with having a casual fling, then you know it is time to move on before you get involved.

It sounds old-fashioned, but it works.
 
letters are bad, very bad. speak from experience, people don't hear it. letters to family, letters to bosses, letters to bf's, people don't want to hear it. even if they're 100% in the wrong, they don't want to hear it. surround yourself with people that are good to you.

show someone what fun you are, no need to write it down.
 
Some general advice for the future.

1. Chill the fuck out for the first few months. Have fun, go out, don’t weigh things down with tons of emotional requirements and expectations, this is baggage; it’ll make you seem like a churning vortex of emotional need. Needy is only sexy to guys with problems. You’re just dating until you both agree explicitly that you want to commit for the long term. With most guys you date, you’ll never get there; it’s the same for just about everyone.

2. Don’t try to change the guy you’re dating. It’s fine to have fun along the way, but figure out if the guy you’re fucking is actually relationship material before you decide to emotionally invest. What are his habits, how does he behave, does he have a lot of acquaintances and no really close friends, is he dependable, is he honest, does he have a history of steady employment, etc. Find out if he’s really prince charming before you buy into the fairy tale – and yes, that’ll take longer than two months. You just hurt yourself by trying to change a toad into a prince, and that almost never works anyway.

My sister has a little saying, she uses it to describe a certain type of straight relationship, but there are plenty of gay ones it applies to as well – if you’re trying to change the guy you’re with, you were never dating him in the first place.

3. Compromise, compromise has no element of coercion to it, a guy has to want to compromise before you can get him to do it. Complaining, nagging, arguing, or any other type of emotional bombardment will only cause problems – yes your feelings are valid but that street runs both ways. If you have to rely on emotional outbursts to get attention, you’re dating the wrong guy. Yes you have needs, but so does he, if all you ever see is your needs, you’re the one who isn’t capable of compromise.

4. Mind, I’m not implying any thing about you personally, this is general advice. Spend your time single turning yourself into the guy you want to date. Being fit is attractive, confident is attractive, being a stand up guy is attractive, being considerate, compromising, honest, and dependable yourself makes you a better catch, and I guarantee you that if you spend your time bettering yourself, the guys you attract will be of a much better caliber than the guys you wind up with if you spend your time angsting about finding someone, or bemoaning the fate of your last failed attempt.

Better luck next time.
Click to expand...

Worth repeating.
 
TX-Beau said:
Some general advice for the future.

1. Chill the fuck out for the first few months. Have fun, go out, don’t weigh things down with tons of emotional requirements and expectations, this is baggage; it’ll make you seem like a churning vortex of emotional need. Needy is only sexy to guys with problems. You’re just dating until you both agree explicitly that you want to commit for the long term. With most guys you date, you’ll never get there; it’s the same for just about everyone.

2. Don’t try to change the guy you’re dating. It’s fine to have fun along the way, but figure out if the guy you’re fucking is actually relationship material before you decide to emotionally invest. What are his habits, how does he behave, does he have a lot of acquaintances and no really close friends, is he dependable, is he honest, does he have a history of steady employment, etc. Find out if he’s really prince charming before you buy into the fairy tale – and yes, that’ll take longer than two months. You just hurt yourself by trying to change a toad into a prince, and that almost never works anyway.

My sister has a little saying, she uses it to describe a certain type of straight relationship, but there are plenty of gay ones it applies to as well – if you’re trying to change the guy you’re with, you were never dating him in the first place.

3. Compromise, compromise has no element of coercion to it, a guy has to want to compromise before you can get him to do it. Complaining, nagging, arguing, or any other type of emotional bombardment will only cause problems – yes your feelings are valid but that street runs both ways. If you have to rely on emotional outbursts to get attention, you’re dating the wrong guy. Yes you have needs, but so does he, if all you ever see is your needs, you’re the one who isn’t capable of compromise.

4. Mind, I’m not implying any thing about you personally, this is general advice. Spend your time single turning yourself into the guy you want to date. Being fit is attractive, confident is attractive, being a stand up guy is attractive, being considerate, compromising, honest, and dependable yourself makes you a better catch, and I guarantee you that if you spend your time bettering yourself, the guys you attract will be of a much better caliber than the guys you wind up with if you spend your time angsting about finding someone, or bemoaning the fate of your last failed attempt.

Better luck next time.

[/Great Aunt Eunice]
Click to expand...

These are very wise words and worth noting by a lot of guys... From my experience this is all correct. Definitely take this into account when making similar decisions.
 
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