New but I have my concerns

[TinyToeOut]

Hello all, this is my first post here. I'm 19 and homosexual, from young I've always thought I felt weird (over my sexuality) but a few years ago, I finally admitted to myself that I am attracted to the same gender. The dilema lies in the fact that I am Christian (this probably isn't the best place to ask but what the heck) and I feel so torn within over this.

Recently I met this man whom I feel very attracted to both emotionally and physically, he is not muscular beef or anything, but I just felt a strange attraction, something that triggered my alarm. Thing is, this man is 50 years old and generally I am attracted to men who are older, much older than me (30-50+ and maybe 60 year old) and I can't seem to relate to people my age (my idea of a nice date would be cuddling together and watching a movie or something). I went out with him for a few times and I am starting to really like him.

I keep wondering if anyone have similar experience and care to share.

p.s. I am out to 2 individuals (including this man) in real life. The whole tiny toe out thing.

 

[gaddou]

I almost always had b/f that were older than me.. I have been with my partner for over 30 years and he his 14 years older than me. So go ahead if thia man feel the same about you.

 

[Riverrick]

Hi TinyToeOut! Welcome to JUB!

It sounds like you are on a path of slowly coming out. You are going to face many concerns and questions along the way and that is perfectly normal. For example, your religious upbringing and beliefs can be a big stumbling block to being comfortable in your gay skin. There are others on this board that can address that aspect far better than I and point you to good resources that may help you. You might also consider doing a search here for threads about being gay and christian.

As for the age difference in this guy you are seeing, most of us will support you making any decision you want now that you are an adult. There are a lot of examples of guys in relationships on this board with big age gaps that seem to do very well. There are several problems that can crop up, such as your wanting to go out a lot and he, perhaps wanting to do things at home more. Also, the music and entertainment icons you grew up with are different from his, so you probably will have different interests. And there's always the sex drive thing too.

If you are willing to deal with the issues and be realistic about them, then you probably will have a better chance. Anyhow, I say follow your heart and good luck!

 

[lonnie1]

Just be aware that there are many older men out there who love to play the father role to younger men. Not to say that it's bad, but for a true long life relationship, try to find someone closer to your same age.

 

[TinyToeOut]

I am probably different in this aspect with many of my peers, I don't like to go out and party, in fact, a few of our dates involve dinner at his place plus TV watching which I found really sweet warm and fuzzy. I don't mind not going out if he doesn't want to, cuddling together is right up my alley.

Thanks for the responses! I told him that I really like him this afternoon and I almost pass out.

EDIT: I don't mind and even enjoy playing the role of a boy to him...

 

[WYSIWYG]

I take offense to the stereo typing of an older man to a younger man having a relationship! I always hear about sex drive and the music is different for the older guy than the younger guy...so does this mean that older guys are "stuck" in their past? That they have not grown either in musical tastes or movies, etc?? Who came up with these ideas?

We are all different. I am one of those older guys, and yes I like the stones, jimi hendricks, etc. andf I listen to them occasionally, but I also listen to new bands like Apop, Front 242, In Strick Confidence, DeVision, VNV Nation and so much more.....

I like to cuddle in bed, be by the fireplace with a real fire blazing, watch a movie with my bf naked next to me. I also like to go out to a club and dane too.......

My bf is almost 30 and we love being together. We are very similar in most ways. In ways we are not, it does not matter. We love one another, and in like other relationships we respect one another for our similarities and our differences!

So PLEASE lets not stereotype older men and what they are or are not. Is ingenous at best. And besides it should be about love, not your sex drive or how big your cock is or isn't!

 

[Eagle653]

Hi Tinytoeout, and welcome!

What's important is that you have someone who likes and respects you as much as you do him. And, you seem to share common interests in how to spend time and relax. I wish you all the best! Don't let the age-difference thing concern you. Love is where you find it--let it happen.

All the best and, welcome again! Let us know what happens.

 

[KentuckyPython]

Age really doesn't matter as long as the two of you hit it off well. I'm into younger guys not to daddy them but it's just what I'm attracted to. With any relationship there's an element of risk. Be sensible about everything.

As you learn more about life outside the closet, you'll be more comfortable living out and proud.

Welcome! And I'm glad you're here.

 

[Christopher123]

Age.

It's only numbers.

 

[hermanding]

age isn't a factor - it's the communication and chemistry between the two of you. and i don't say that becuz i'm older. i stay ready for sex every day - not 6 times but once is fine with me - and a younger person wanting more would have be doing everything possible make sure he got his rocks as often as needed. hope you guys find you have all the right vibes
ding

 

[TinyToeOut]

Thank you all for more replies!

Because I am not out yet and am very self-conscious, I tend to be nervous when I go out with him wondering what other think of a grown up caucasian man doing with a twinkish looking 19 year old asian (I've always been mistaken for being 16-17)?

Another thing is that how do I come out to my parents in this relationship, they'll probably be grieved by the fact that I am homosexual but when they know of my relationship (pending) with someone older than they are, they'll probably freak out and blow up.

Another question (hope I am not asking too many questions): how do I make known to someone that I prefer to be a bottom and any tips for someone doing it for the first time?

On a side note:

yesterday I dreamt of us having sex in a restroom (unlikely to happen but...) and it felt so real, it's almost as if I felt someone penetrated me.

 

[drhladnjak]

If I were you, I'd worry more about just being out to your parents for now. Let them cope with one set of news at a time. Break the gay news first, then perhaps later move on to mentioning and possibly bringing over the boyfriend.

Also, try not to think too much about what strangers think of you and the guy your seeing. It's a sure way to drive yourself crazy. At some point, you basically need to learn to not care what those who you don't trust or respect think.

Generally, if you want to make it known that you're a bottom, you need to be direct and tell the guy. It's important to be able to talk openly and honestly with any sexual partners about what you like, want and need. That said, how are you so certain that you're a bottom when you've never even tried it? I suppose for some guys it's like being gay in that you generally don't need to try it to know, but still I'm curious.

 

[TinyToeOut]

Don't know really, but I just feel the yearning to be in a more submissive in a relationship. I can picture someone penetrating me and me sucking him off, but I just can't seem to picture me penetrating someone else and getting sucked. I guess I can't know for sure until I've tried.

Yea, minding others too much is driving me crazy, I am certain that there were some people giving us the "sugar daddy" and "toy boy" look when we were out for dinner.

 

[Riverrick]

You have a lot of exploring and experimenting to do in order to figure out your likes and dislikes. You'll figure it all out. I agree with the communication suggestion. You are going to want to be able to express your desires to your partner, to be able to say yes or no when he wants to try something. There is nothing at all wrong with saying No. We all do it.

Coming out to your family can be challenging and it does help to have some support in your corner before doing so. Dating someone older than you will present its own set of challenges when you do come out. Part of me thinks that you should hold off on telling them about this guy. After all, you don't know where this relationship is going yet.

But I'm also thinking that if you are usually attracted to men older than yourself, you might as well deal with that issue early on with people and get it over with. Maybe come out first, deal with that, and then when things calm down approach them with the rest.

 

[TinyToeOut]

I do understand the concern that that man is using me, but we have known each other for a month or so and so far, he has never pressed me for sex or touch me or anything, even when he got the opportunity one night when we lay together on his bed and took a nap. I actually wanted him to hug me quite bad that evening.

 

[drhladnjak]

You all make "use for sex" sound so universally negative. Your garden variety hookup is just two people using each other for sex--nothing more, nothing less. It's only a problem when one person doesn't expect to be used.