New guy here-19yr need help...long-ish

[sk8parkdude]

Alright dudes, I finally manned up and figured id admit Iam bi. I got a few problems though, hopefully sum of you guys could be some help.
First off I'll tell you a bit about myself. Iam 19, in college, about 6ft 135lbs, Damien Kyle brown/black hair, green eyes, pretty athletic, white. No one knows Iam bi, I act 100% straight.
Heres the problems Iam running into.

1-Girls that keep coming onto me, dont know how to avoid this without making it look like Iam gay in front of a lot of people. (I dont think this would be the best way to come out)

2-I think one girl already knows cuz I didnt bang her when I had the chance. She seemed very suspicious...however we still chill which she still hits on me.

3- Family ( NO ONE TAKE OFFENSE TO WHAT IAM ABOUT TO SAY, PLEASE) I still live at home with my brothers and parents, We where raised as catholics and all. My dad is the type of person who wont say being gay is wrong, but if I ever said that dudes gay or something he would kinda smile ( like yeah thats my boy). Example would be when we went car shopping and I said thats a girl/gay car, or once I saw a transexual dude when at the mall with dad, and I mumbled somthing to him and he got a kick out of it.

So how would I deal with all them...number 3 Iam kinda least worried about, cuz they are clueless to everything in life.

Thanks guys in advance

 

[KaraBulut]

Well, given your circumstance, it seems a bit premature to go any further.

You've taken the big step in coming out in that you've come out to yourself and acknowledged/accepted your feelings. That's the toughest part.

You've got a big obstacle in the next step in that you are in college and there is uncertainty in how your parents will take the news. It's more important to finish your education than it is to tell your parents. You have the rest of your life to break the news to them.

But if you're having these issues with your friends and with women who are coming on to you, it sounds like there is still some work to be done.

Sometimes "bi" is just a rest area on the way to something else. When you have your first serious relationship with a guy, many things will make more sense. In the meantime, explore, enjoy and be safe.

P.S. Just so you know- the only way to "act straight" is to have sex with a girl. I know what you mean- that you're a masculine guy and low-key in a way that wouldn't tip other people off. But so are most gay and bi guys. If you're masculine, say you're masculine- not straight-acting.

 

[lonnie1]

Just because a girl comes on to you does not mean you need to have sex with her. That's your decision. However, if you are "bi" if you met the right girl, why would you not have sex with her? Try it and see if you like it, if you just want to have sex for sex's sake.

If, however, you want to have a male or female relationship before you have sex, that's a legitimate point of view. Just let your dates know that is your preference. Screw what your friends think. Be a man and stand up for what you want.

 

[sk8parkdude]

The one girl that keeps coming onto me, wants to have sex. I did a few months ago with her, but she always want to. Shes kinda a village bicycle, but hott and you wouldnt know it unless you knew her.
I dont want to just have sex with her all the time, I did that back in highschool when I would try to make myself non-bi/gay.
I think I would rather fuck around with a dude instead of her. Its still confusing to me...

I dont think my friends would care, its kinda amazning how gay, striaght guys are.

 

[racer2438]

THe just say your are waiting til later. You realized that you feel other things are important.

Or since you are Bi, as you put it. Why wouldnt you want to have sex with the girls. Thats why your Bi- right.

Unless deeper inside you may actually have more deeper feelings for men that have not fully come out yet, but are starting to stir in your mind.

And nothing wrong there either.

So just have fun for now,albeit (SAFE)
but just relax you dont have to have sex with someone if you dont want to.

Just tell them you want to be great friends.

Be careful where you go and who you see and you will be fine.

Although keep in mind at a College word/rumors start quick....

 

[yeahman21]

Sounds like you dont really like girls and you are gay. If you were bi you would want to fuck girls.

 

[sk8parkdude]

alright, maybe I dont know what Iam yet. I usto have a gf and we had fun togther, If fuck as often as I could. But it was with her only, now its more of dudes in my mind. But if I had a chance again with my ex-gf id tap it...

 

[youngnihilist]

Regarding girls and sex, if you can't come out: One, either pretend you're super picky (this works best, I know some frat guys who turn down basically any girl, even hot model ones.. hmm wonder why), or pretend you're super Christian and don't want to be with any girl.

 

[conrad]

Friend, if you are bi I think you should avoid coming out. Personally, i prefer to call myself ambisexual rather than bisexual. I have had loving long-term relationships with men and with women. I finally settled down in marriage with the woman who also wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I have not had sex with a man since. However, I know that I can be happy and can sustain a loving and faithful relationship with a man and also with a woman. In sexual relationships the rule of only one relationship at a time is a good one. Your partner deserves your loyalty. Any cheating threatens the relationship.

Friendships are life's best gift to us. But to have friends one must also be a friend. My suggestion is for you to cultivate friendship with both men and women. Not all friendships include sex but all friendships are valuable.

With some friends the relationship becomes more than friendship and friends do find ways to express their feelings for one another. When you reach the point where sex happens it should be because you both want it to happen. Such sex is a confirmation of the bond that has come to exist between you and the other person. In my view this is the gold standard of loving sexual relationships. The sex is not only thrilling but transformative. Two persons who truly love each other have something that promiscuity can never provide.

As for the public, they are entitled to what they can observe. Sex between two persons should, in my view, always be kept personal and private. Wise persons keep it that way. Many persons associate a kind of promiscuity with bisexuality; I suspect that is true for some but not for all. I look back at my relationships with three fine gentlemen whom I loved then and love still even though we no longer have sex together, and know that that kind of loving relationship should be respected. In my teens and into my late thirties I was not prepared for a permanent lifetime relationship. It was sad to leave a relationship, but the changes dictated by educational and career moves made such breaks inevitable.
We had no models for man to man (gay) relationships. Too many men found themselves trapped in marriages which they should not have entered in the first place because their gay side was simply too dominant.

One wishes for every young man that his journey into the fullness of his unique sexuality should be a happy journey. But, that assumes that the young man becomes well-acquainted with his sexuality and accepts it whatever label it may deserve.