New guy here... do you go to gay bars. or online?

[steve3339]

1st post

Excellent site been looking here for a while.

I am more bi than gay... but getting more into guys. Never been to a gay / bear bar normally meet people online. Can you tell me the difference? Its seems to me that online you can check people out a bit more before you meet them, does going to a bar put more pressure on.

Keep well y'all

 

[Str8Top14701]

Small town with big mouths, so online only Walk into a gay bar when it's not for benefit of some kind and everyone will know.

 

[steve3339]

Small town with big mouths, so online only Walk into a gay bar when it's not for benefit of some kind and everyone will know.

That might be true, but I guess they are mostly looking for a benefit as well

 

[bergentony]

Depends on the bar and when you go. In NYC at happy hour after work it's like any other bar often. Casual nothing too intense. But late nights they can get wilder especially if they have a theme night and music. Depends what you want.

 

[alphacentauri]

Yes I have been to LGBT/gay bars and dance clubs. They were fun when I was younger and had just turned 21; but now about a decade later I find them extremely boring, and only go when friends who I don't always get to see that much want to go.

They are pretty much like any other bar except that bisexual and gay men go there. Sometimes you will see drag queens, and TS/TG people at them.

 

[mcbrion]

You are not really "meeting" someone when you're online. You're just typing words. I can't agree with the idea of staying behind a computer screen. When a guy would rather type or just text, I lose interest pretty quickly. As long as it stays online, it's not real. Real is when you're actually face to face.
As a gay therapist once wrote in a San Francisco gay newspaper, "Until you meet, it's all just typing."

 

[eastofeden]

I worked in one for 20 years...and I met tons of men...in other bars that I didn't work in as well.....

I have been partnered for many years so I have never even been to Grindr...but if I was single..I would definitely go to a gay bar to meet men ...no question about it...

The difference..eye contact...body language...feeling their vibe...chemistry.....all there in the bar.....

 

[lambdaboy]

I was fortunate to be brought up in New York City. In the 80's and 90's there were over 120 and still have loads where you can go and be yourself I know it must be rough for people in Small Towns. I also lived in Lexington Kentucky where there were 3 gay bars. Lexington Amazed me maybe because there is a large university I felt like I was in a small version of Sn Francisco .

- - - Updated - - -

1st post

Excellent site been looking here for a while.

I am more bi than gay... but getting more into guys. Never been to a gay / bear bar normally meet people online. Can you tell me the difference? Its seems to me that online you can check people out a bit more before you meet them, does going to a bar put more pressure on.

Keep well y'all

Just head to Compton Street you will love it!

 

[mcbrion]

I worked in one for 20 years...and I met tons of men...in other bars that I didn't work in as well.....

I have been partnered for many years so I have never even been to Grindr...but if I was single..I would definitely go to a gay bar to meet men ...no question about it...

The difference..eye contact...body language...feeling their vibe...chemistry.....all there in the bar.....

Exactly. Staying behind a screen for weeks and months and not actually seeing the person? How is that "real" in any way?

 

[jockofstrap]

Live in small rural area but get to St. Louis Mo to RR at the baths.

 

[brandhay]

I've only met guys online. The selection in real life was never as great as online. I met my husband online at gay.com.

 

[mcbrion]

I've only met guys online. The selection in real life was never as great as online. I met my husband online at gay.com.

I see what you mean. I was talking about actually meeting the person. I can't get a vibe from a screen. I was advising the poster to actually see people face to face, but then he hasn't done this before. If I were in London, I'd do it in person, because I find Brits more apt to actually be "present" when they're with you. At least I find that in San Francisco. For small towns in America, maybe online is better, because people are fearful of adverse consequences, which are least likely to happen in big cities with large gay populations. I can only type so much before I think I want to meet the person or not. If the conversation's superficial - which it frequently is online - I probably won't get a good "feel" for the person, and some guys come across much nicer face to face than when they're in a virtual reality. Having lived in San Francisco, one forgets it's not the same for someone in another location. But London? Unless you're afraid of someone seeing you in a gay bar, guy, go out. It's not the meeting of the people in the bar, it's about you being comfortable looking someone in the eye, and being right there in the moment. Online won't ever feel the same, and I'm old enough to have experienced it considerably in both mediums: in person and online. But if you're happier online, have at it. I just don't see people developing people skills staying on a computer. That's playing it safe, and that's cool, but it won't help you grow adept at handling people, in my opinion.

 

[snakeeater1]

I usually only watch porn on line, when I want action I go to a gay bar of Bath House and find guys who want a Blow and Go…not interested in a lover, just want a horny random guy!….