- Coming Out :
When : Doesn't really matter. In cases where you are not comfortable with being gay or you believe that the people around you wouldn't be comfortable with it, most people will wait until they hit the wall, so to speak. Basically when they can no longer stand the lie. Waiting until this point generally isn't the best idea due to unintended outtings that are likely to happen if you slip. If you are comfortable with the fact that you are gay, that you won't be changing that anytime soon, and if you can answer this hypothetical question "If there was a pill to take to not be gay, knowing everything you do now would you take it?" And the answer is an honest and heartfelt no. Then whenever you decided who you want to tell first comes around and you feel the time is right, would be the right time to come out.
Who : Generally for the first outing we chose someone close to us that we feel will be sympathetic. Whether it's your best gal pal, or a family member, or the guy you play soccer with every other week that seems really cool. Is up to you. First person I came out to was my best girl friend at the time, then my lesbian science teacher, then my parents, then everyone else.
Why : This bit is the good and bad of my coming out from the point of me being fully out not when I first started coming out
. The reason I felt the need to come out was that I had hit the wall,
](/images/smilies/bang.gif "Brick wall ](*,)")
remembering all the lies I was telling everyone was weighing heavy on me, and I ended up having a nervous break down. After a few days of that I snapped to, and made the decision to come out. Some good things that came about, I found out who were my real friends, a couple people that I thought I was really close to disappeared, and a few people that I hardly remembered their names stepped up. So yay for that. Not only that but the pressure I had been putting on myself for years was off and I could actually think about stuff other than what would happen if people found out etc.
Some bad things was that my father didn't talk to me for a couple years other than occasional grunts and some screaming fits. Though I'm not really sure if that should go in the good or bad column my dad is an oddball
Oh and I got my first 'boyfriend' that's definitely in the bad column because he used being my first relationship to devastate and humiliate me.
Friendship : As a generally rule of thumb I would strongly advise against seeking anything further with your friend. It's conceivable that your crush on your friend is due to the fact that you are in the closet and feeling alone, and the kindness your friend is showing you, you are misinterpreting as signs of a possible greater affection. If that dream/fantasy is shattered you could a) out yourself before you're ready b) Lose your friend forever c) Cause some severe depression in yourself and possible to him.
After reading your intro, I will reinforce my advise, DO NOT! attempt to take things further with your friend until you are fully out of the closet. After which the question of his sexuality may come up. If you want him, don't force the issue. If he is straight then you will have to settle for the fantasies. You are 19 in Seattle, go to where the gay boys hang. Find you a purty one and get to know one another. See if these slightly 'obsessive' feelings for your friend go away. Or at least fade to something less.
Control : Partially your lack of control is due to hormones. But more likely it's due to your lack of experience around men in the capacity of lover. Once you get a few relationships under your belt and few rolls in the hay hot guys could lick you up and down and nothing will happen to ya
jk. You're 19 you're supposed to flip out over guys that are hot. As long as your tongue and dick stay where they're supposed to you should be fine. If you're ripping your clothes off and chasing after them, you might wish to seek psychological help fore you get arrested for public indecency or attempted rape
Being around gay guys in a more normalized setting, such as a gay bar etc will help you to control your reactions. Atm I'm guessing you've been watching alot of gay porn, and fantasizing about your team mates and best friend. So you've basically programmed your body to get horny when you see a dude that arouses your interest. Next time you see a hot guy poke your thigh with a pin, your unconscious reactions to a hot dude in your presence will change rather quickly, or your leg will be a pin cushion
Could be a interesting conversation piece at least
If you wish to hide an erection while naked, best way is to picture something totally disgusting. Try thinking of a dead kitten, think about the smell of it's dead body, hearing the flies buzzing around, seeing the fluids leaking out of it's wounds. K i'ma stop making myself sick. Something like that. If you involve yourself in a sickening fantasy like that it's kinda hard to get an erection. And even if you do don't be ashamed, turn it into a joke, if you're not out be like dude (enter girl friends name here) just won't put out any tips? When you try to hide something people want to look more.
As for your body hair issues I share a similar gene and also don't like it. Best thing you can do is find someone who loves your hairyness
There are lots of people out there. And if you just absolutely HATE!!!!!!!!!!! being hairy, then you can either take up the task of spending a couple hours in the shower every morning and making sure you're totally smooth. Or save up your money for the laser hair removal surgery.
As a final note don't hate on flamers. Because they just turn around and hate on the str8 acting gays. We act the way we act don't judge. It doesn't matter if John Smith sees a flamer and automatically assumes that you being gay are also a flamer. John Smith is to blame for that not the flamer. Him as his stupid narrow mind. So next time you see a flamer don't let your first thought be 'God they're giving us all a bad name' let it be 'You know someone is going to see him and think I'm like that, so you know what maybe I should come out of the closet and show them that gay people come in all shapes sizes and colors, and it doesn't matter how we act cuz we're all human beings.'
and this could change the way I liev my life
