New Relationship...Issues?

[archfan13]

So, I've only had two real relationships/experiences with guys...the last one was around 3 years ago. I just had a lot of trust issues and stuff...I finally found a good guy I was interested in about 2.5 weeks ago. We've hung out 4 times now for 3+ hours each time. Each time, we've messed around a bit. BJ, HJ, make out, etc. No actual sex though.

the 2nd, 3rd and 4th time he told me he didn't want to have sex (as in BJ, HJ) "every time" we saw each other. Now we both still live with our parents, so it is really hard to find time alone. We have to sneak around and stuff. So I never know when I'm going to see him again. I'm not sure if seeing someone 4 times in 17 days is good, bad, average, or what. But I told him if we saw each other every day, I wouldn't want to always do that...but I am really attracted to him and I want to fool around.

He told me just the other day he feels I'm not respecting him and stuff. I get where he is coming from, but what about me also? Shouldn't he respect I want to fool around or no? We have a good "relationship" so far. we haven't really decided what we are. I know he does really like me. And I really like him. We aren't talking or seeing any other people and when we are together we laugh and have a really good time but he really isn't into having sexual relations all the time.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do/say? Should I just deal with it? Like I said, I really do like him and I love spending time with him and stuff. But when we are alone and kissing and stuff I just get hard and I want to do things with him. He's really good in bed and I just really like it. lol so maybe I'm just being completely unfair? Or is he?

 

[bruce379]

My longest relationship only lasted 6 hours

The best way to deal with this is to talk to him. Tell him that you really like him and you can't help it if he's too attractive. He might have a point but you need to tell him also that sex is a part of a healthy relationship. It's not a one way street.

"Ok, I promise I won't jump you every time I see you. But I really like you and love to spend time with you, and it's not my fault you're so sexy and I have my needs too. So, meet me halfway, how often can we fool around that is comfortable with you?" Something to that effect.

 

[maxpowr9]

It already sounds like sexual incompatibility. If you get peeved because you have one "sexless" time together, I'd just end it. TBH, I'm shocked he didn't dump you when he said you weren't respecting him. You have to remember to think with your big head and not your little one in a relationship.

 

[archfan13]

The best way to deal with this is to talk to him. Tell him that you really like him and you can't help it if he's too attractive. He might have a point but you need to tell him also that sex is a part of a healthy relationship. It's not a one way street.

"Ok, I promise I won't jump you every time I see you. But I really like you and love to spend time with you, and it's not my fault you're so sexy and I have my needs too. So, meet me halfway, how often can we fool around that is comfortable with you?" Something to that effect.

Well, he always ends up giving in. But then he makes me feel bad about it and said I forced him and stuff and he just did things with me so we wouldn't argue which does make me feel bad......

It already sounds like sexual incompatibility. If you get peeved because you have one "sexless" time together, I'd just end it. TBH, I'm shocked he didn't dump you when he said you weren't respecting him. You have to remember to think with your big head and not your little one in a relationship.

I'm not mad we are having one sexless time together, it's just we are young and in the early stages of a relationship and normally everyone wants to fool around lol. I mean we have a lot of common, im really attracted to him, and I can tell he's a good guy. I don't want to end things just because he won't always suck my dick... but at the same time, I don't want to be in a relationship where we plan things out. Like okay today we will do this, but next time we can't do this, and the time after this we can..... and so on.

 

[BiMike]

I am afraid I agree that you two guys are not really compatible in your sexual desires and could be a course of continuing frustration for you . all guys have different sexual drives and it is clear yours is quite high compared to his. In a true relationship you really need to be aware of your partners feelings. I know it will be frustration to you but take it easy or find another bf .

 

[HunterM]

My longest relationship only lasted 6 hours

Was the sex amazing?

 

[Rolyo85]

Sexual compatibility is that hidden land mine that you can't avoid. It just IS. If the difference isn't big, both sides can compromise a little and everything works out. But if it's big, you're doomed and there's nothing you can do about it.

I'm also very disturbed by the fact that he accuses you of forcing him. This will quickly escalate into something really ugly.

There's no shame in breaking something off because you have different sexual needs. And I think this is your best course of action.

 

[archfan13]

Thanks for the opinions/suggestions everyone. I feel really horrible to end the relationship because of the sex. Like I said, I really enjoy his company. I think maybe I should just see how it is without us doing anything before I completely end things. I guess I really don't have anything to lose by to keep trying for a bit longer just to see how it all plays out...

 

[HunterM]

You just found this guy 2 1/2 weeks ago. Keep him as a friend...don't commit to an exclusive relationship with him. Keep dating other people who are more sexually compatible with you.

 

[Rolyo85]

Thanks for the opinions/suggestions everyone. I feel really horrible to end the relationship because of the sex. Like I said, I really enjoy his company. I think maybe I should just see how it is without us doing anything before I completely end things. I guess I really don't have anything to lose by to keep trying for a bit longer just to see how it all plays out...

That's ok. But remember - sex is not something you particularly can go without. And you shouldn't feel awful that one essential need in a relationship isn't met. You wouldn't feel bad of he was incapable of holding an intelligent conversation. Sex is no less worthy, just because dumb Puritan American culture tells us to be ashamed of wanting it.

 

[journo25]

You've been hanging out for 2.5 weeks, you are keeping track of the hours spent together, and you are already "exclusive" and not seeing other people?

 

[archfan13]

You just found this guy 2 1/2 weeks ago. Keep him as a friend...don't commit to an exclusive relationship with him. Keep dating other people who are more sexually compatible with you.

I don't think he would be up for that. He seems to really want to be exclusive, as do I.

That's ok. But remember - sex is not something you particularly can go without. And you shouldn't feel awful that one essential need in a relationship isn't met. You wouldn't feel bad of he was incapable of holding an intelligent conversation. Sex is no less worthy, just because dumb Puritan American culture tells us to be ashamed of wanting it.

Yes, I understand that. I would not stay with him if I wasn't have a decent amount of sex. But if we hang out a few times a week, and we don't have sex one time, I think I could live with that. It's been a really busy time right now for both of us with finals, holidays, etc. so I think I'll just see what happens in January. He never said when exactly he wants to have sex, just that he doesn't want to do stuff every time we are together. So I'm not really sure exactly what that means.

You've been hanging out for 2.5 weeks, you are keeping track of the hours spent together, and you are already "exclusive" and not seeing other people?

I'm sort of confused by your intentions with this post? I'm not really keeping track of hours spent together, I just was giving a rough estimate of what our relationship was like for people here to see. Are you saying it is bad to already be exclusive with someone after 2.5 weeks??

 

[LuckysRevenge]

So, I've only had two real relationships/experiences with guys...the last one was around 3 years ago. I just had a lot of trust issues and stuff...I finally found a good guy I was interested in about 2.5 weeks ago. We've hung out 4 times now for 3+ hours each time. Each time, we've messed around a bit. BJ, HJ, make out, etc. No actual sex though.

the 2nd, 3rd and 4th time he told me he didn't want to have sex (as in BJ, HJ) "every time" we saw each other. Now we both still live with our parents, so it is really hard to find time alone. We have to sneak around and stuff. So I never know when I'm going to see him again. I'm not sure if seeing someone 4 times in 17 days is good, bad, average, or what. But I told him if we saw each other every day, I wouldn't want to always do that...but I am really attracted to him and I want to fool around.

He told me just the other day he feels I'm not respecting him and stuff. I get where he is coming from, but what about me also? Shouldn't he respect I want to fool around or no? We have a good "relationship" so far. we haven't really decided what we are. I know he does really like me. And I really like him. We aren't talking or seeing any other people and when we are together we laugh and have a really good time but he really isn't into having sexual relations all the time.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do/say? Should I just deal with it? Like I said, I really do like him and I love spending time with him and stuff. But when we are alone and kissing and stuff I just get hard and I want to do things with him. He's really good in bed and I just really like it. lol so maybe I'm just being completely unfair? Or is he?

Take it easy. I wouldn't call it a "relationship". You guys are still dating and getting to know each other. Personally, if i like someone, I don't fool around for a couple of dates. Maybe he wants to focus more on getting to know you rather than having sex every time?

You only met 2.5 weeks ago. It's very early.

 

[HunterM]

When you get a new job, you are on probation for the first 90 days. Treat dating the same way. Get to know the person first...during the first 90 days (3 months of casual dating) before committing yourself in an exclusive relationship. During casual dating, you two can date other people. 90 days is just a good guideline. It is not a rule.

For these 2 1/2 weeks, you have already found out he's not sexually compatible with you. Why committing yourself in misery? How much do you really know about him? He may be a serial killer that you don't know yet. I'm just kidding. But you get my point.

 

[bruce379]

Yup. What he said.

During the exploration phase, you should be free to date other guys and hook up with them on the side. This is one way of measuring sexual compatibility by avoiding sex with him (since he already told you he'd like to get to know you more than just a hookup - which is well and good) and letting him practically beg you to fuck him But seriously, when you can get your fill with another date, you're basically waiting for your crush to beg you to have sex with him (oh, how the tables have turned... you might say). Ha! then, you find out exactly how long he can last without you initiating the sex. Just sayin... You can act cool as a cucumber, while his cucumber is turning blue Let's see how long he can last...

 

[KaraBulut]

He told me just the other day he feels I'm not respecting him and stuff. I get where he is coming from, but what about me also? Shouldn't he respect I want to fool around or no? We have a good "relationship" so far. we haven't really decided what we are. I know he does really like me. And I really like him. We aren't talking or seeing any other people and when we are together we laugh and have a really good time but he really isn't into having sexual relations all the time.

^Something doesn't quite add up here. Most guys who like each other want to show how they feel in a physical way. Why do you think he's in this cycle of "No, I shouldn't", then getting naked with you, then feeling bad (and making you feel bad) about it?

Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do/say? Should I just deal with it? Like I said, I really do like him and I love spending time with him and stuff. But when we are alone and kissing and stuff I just get hard and I want to do things with him. He's really good in bed and I just really like it. lol so maybe I'm just being completely unfair? Or is he?

^Well, have you told him any of this?

The question for you is whether this is just about you being young and horny or whether you're really interested in a relationships with this guy. If this is about being young and horny, then you need to find someone who is not as hung up about the physical aspects of a relationship. If you really have feelings for this guy, then you need to have a talk with him- not about sex but instead about how you feel, what you want from a relationship and why you want that relationship with him.

 

[Seasoned]

His sex drive might not be as high as yours. He may have hang ups that he hasn't revealed. He may have guilt for being gay. Until you two have some honest conversations, it's all conjecture. This is not going to resolve itself. It needs to be talked about.