new relationship tips

[liveloveride]

Howdy,

So i have had amazing luck recently and have found myself in a 'relationship' with an amazing guy. I identify as Bi, and this fella does aswell. He isnt out, but iam (well... ima typical 'guy' guy, so generally people assume im straight, but i dont shy away from the truth if asked)

We share alotta interests - mtbing, kyaking, trekking, music and film. He. is. a. f*cking. dreamboat! Ive only known him for a week, but we have spent five nights together. We havnt banged fully, but huge amount of foreplay / head, wristies, and fingering. we have cummed on and next to each other. We both have amazing sexual energy, and i have shown him that im willing to give and recieve, as he is too.

Ive never really felt so intense about a guy before, and never wanted to be in a relationship with a guy, until he came along. A few things confuse me though. I dont want to be in a 'motel relationship' - ie. behind closed door type situation. Im happy with my identity and have nothing to hide. love is love, however it manifests itself. Is it self centered to want him to be more open about us? Should i be patient and just give him time? genuine people are hard to find.

It isnt like we are stalled, he has met me for coffee and tonight we are off to see a film, i dont feel the need to be able to slut over him in public, but i feel that a certain amount of openness provides validation and trust?

tips?

much appreciated

 

[HunterM]

You guys only met for a week; you're still in the honeymoon phase. Give it time. After a month and you two still like each other very much, start planting seeds in his head that you would like your relationship to be out in the open. See how he would react to the idea.

Welcome to JUB! Hope you will like it here.

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome to the forum. I think you need to slow down with your thoughts on where this is going and enjoy the moment. There's plenty of time to decide what to do if in fact you need to. It's been less than a week. Maybe you'll be the catalyst for him to be more often. By the way, I find your "guy, guy" description offensive and unsure of your intent, but it comes across as bragging and, frankly, homophobic. I don't understand why passing for straight is part of your post.

For your sake I hope what you have strengthens into a relationship and, if so, I hope you develop more of an affinity for all your gay brothers for that's from where your support of any same sex relationship stems.

 

[liveloveride]

oh really! you should return to my original post and re-read, rather than engaging in a rather pointless left field critique. If any valid criticism of my behavior was to be passed, perhaps it could have been along the lines of assimilation into a perceived 'mainstream' behavioral set, but both sexuality and what constitutes it is fluid - i simply act the way i feel most comfortable in regards to my self, and those i share my life with. gg

 

[liveloveride]

and furthermore, it was added as a canvas needed to be painted. in regards to both his, and my own behavior.

 

[Ganoderma]

I dont want to be in a 'motel relationship' - ie. behind closed door type situation. Im happy with my identity and have nothing to hide. love is love, however it manifests itself. Is it self centered to want him to be more open about us? Should i be patient and just give him time? genuine people are hard to find. It isnt like we are stalled, he has met me for coffee and tonight we are off to see a film, i dont feel the need to be able to slut over him in public, but i feel that a certain amount of openness provides validation and trust?

hi Liveloveride,

Welcome to J U B and nice to read you have found this amazing guy. You told us that you don't 'shy away from the truth' and I think such a behaviour is also good when you are together with him in any public place. So no need to walk hand-in-hand (etc.) when he feels uncomfortable about this, but also don't pretend that he is a vague aquaintance (etc.). Take your time (you only know him for a week) and see how things are developing each other. How do you see that you need to be more open about the relationship you have with him? OK, so you go mountain biking / kayaking (etc.) together with him. Loads and loads of straight guys of around your age also don't 'slut in public over a girl' when they are together with their girlfriend, so why should you do the same?

It seems to me that he is not too deep in the closet when its no problem for him to meet you for a coffee and to go together with you to a movie.

Straight guys also don't walk around with a cap with 'I am straight', and you also don't need to do this. So drink coffee with him, go to a movie together with him, do activities together with him, and just don't bother what people around you think about the type of friendship you have with this guy. On the other hand, also don't hide to your friends that you have met a nice guy (or words like that).

Good luck and feel free to react.

 

[KaraBulut]

tips?

Listen.
Be honest but never cruel.
Be realistic.
Change what you can, accept what you must and know when to walk away from everything else.

 

[winterkill]

It seems that you have got between 87 and 93 per cent of what constitutes paradise for you. Never expect more.

Listen.
Be honest but never cruel.
Be realistic.
Change what you can, accept what you must and know when to walk away from everything else.

Excellent advice! I'm just sculpting that in stone.

 

[cgymike]

I would take it slow - remember he isn't out and how can you be sure also he's really bi? He may actually be gay or just somewhat curious. Also why are you already so early wanting to be in a relationship with this guy? Let that develop after the test of time and see about it. Maybe it will develop that way but a committed relationship needs a lot of development with the right person. I question that you know that at this point based on the short time you have known him. Meet his friends, family (oops - he's not out to them?), also about his work and other aspects of his life...try to find out more. But it's great you are sexually compatible and share recreational interests. Those are good starting points. Yep - give it time and keep us posted!