New to JUB

[Montanha]

Hello,

I've been reading some posts here for a couple of days, and today I finally got the courage to register.

So, I'll tell you guys my story:
In 2008 I came out to a friend of mine (when we both were 18 Y/O). He is, unfortunately, straight, which I already knew when I told him.
He always told me his secrets and personal stuff, so that made me trust him (a lot), then I told him about my homosexuality, which he didn't expect (I'm not effeminate). I'm very shy... I came out to him over the internet. It was weird at first, but he was very understandable, and we even went to the movies together that day.
After that, we became even more close. We used to talk a lot about my homosexuality, almost every day, in person.

Well, he is really HOT . And, as you may expect, I ended up having feelings for him. I was deeply in love . I didn't tell him, but he noticed.
Some months later, I became unbearable. For my brain he was my boyfriend, and, for him, I was a close friend. We never had anything sexual. So, in December (of 2008 ) we had a fight. Our friendship became weird after that day (I've just found out that is REALLY hard to explain that part of the story). We knew everything about each other, but we were not that close anymore, and it's been like that for 2 years already. We still talk, but it's weird. I would say that our friendship now is "complicated", at least of me.

To sum it up: I'm gay, and the only person who knows is a hot straight guy that I still have feelings for.



I'm 20 and still a virgin . I would love to date a guy, I'm feeling lonely. But I don't think I have the courage.

Well, that's it. I'd like your opinion, suggestion, etc.

Thanks!


PS: As you may have noticed, I'm not a native english speaker. I've never been abroad and I don't write much in english. So, I'd also like to know how good/bad is my english.

 

[JUB]

Welcome to JUB. Sorry to hear about what happened with your friend. It's really tough when you have feelings for someone and they don't feel the same way about you. Maybe things will go back to the way they were someday.

Mark

 

[Croynan]

Welcome and your English is excellent

eM

 

[GL]

welcome to the boards!

as for your situation with your straight friend? i think a number of us have been where you are now. its awkward but it will pass. now that you're out see if there are social groups you can join to meet other gay folk. once you broaden your circle you'll probably find someone to date. best of luck to you.

 

[AlmondMilk]

Hi and welcome

Well, it's good to know you still talk to the guy. You may have feelings for him, but try to steer those feelings towards someone else. I'm still glad that you were able to come out and feel a sense of relief when being around him. Maybe if you start seeing someone else romantically, this guy will just be a regular friend? And then maybe you two will be regular buddies again? Who knows!

Oh, and as Croynan said, your English is great

 

[Montanha]

Thanks guys!

Yeah, I know I should get over him. But I see him every day at college, and we also have some friends in common, that have no idea what happened between us. Sometimes he's very kind with me, I don't know if that's because he still sees me as a friend or he's just trying to arouse me, if you know what I mean. And sometimes he's just rude, but I don't know if that's just my imagination.
There's something really strange between us, but I think is, slowly, getting better.

This year, 2010, I've made some new friends. One of them is really cute, and also my type (skinny). I have no idea if he's gay or not... I hope he is, lol.

 

[rareboy]

You should read the threads in Coming Out and Relationships.

There are about 1000 dealing with crushes on straight boyfriends.

And the advice will always be the same.

Stop using him as a safe fantasy to prevent you from getting out there and finding someone to love who will love you back.

Get out there and get laid.

You'll get over your crush soon enough.

 

[Montanha]

You should read the threads in Coming Out and Relationships.

There are about 1000 dealing with crushes on straight boyfriends.

And the advice will always be the same.

Stop using him as a safe fantasy to prevent you from getting out there and finding someone to love who will love you back.

Get out there and get laid.

You'll get over your crush soon enough.

Yeah, that should help me! Thanks!
Know that there are other people going through the same things as me will make me feel less lonely, and probably give me the courage to come out!

 

[ibill1]

Welcome to you.

As has been mentioned, don't feel alone. Most guys have crushed on a straight friend in our early days of coming out. This will subside when you get yourself out there and meet some great gay guys, there is plenty out here.

Just curious. Have you got him alone and asked him why things have been so wierd the last few years? You might get your answer and can stop this from occupying your thoughts so much.

Good Luck to you