New to same-sex stuff...

[shy-bi-guy]

Hey, this may seem really stupid, but here goes anyway.

I'm a married 20 something who recently decided to try out my bi side. I found a guy over the internet I hooked up with and when we were done I was worried I had been so awkward he wouldn't want to see me again, but he actually made a point of saying we should do it again sometime. So then a few days later I emailed him asking if he wanted to hook up again sometime and I haven't heard back from him in a few days.

I haven't even been on the "dating" scene for several years, and I've never really done something with a guy before, so I don't know if "hey we should do this again sometime" is just something he said when we were done and that's it? If he doesn't respond to my emails, should I read something into that or am I being too impatient?

I realize that basically this situation is so generic that no one will really have any good advice for me, but I still wonder what's been other people's experience with this kind of thing. I don't want to send the guy countless emails and come across as a creep (I've only sent two) if he's just going to ignore them forever. But I also felt like he really meant that he wanted to hook up again sometime and it surprises me he hasn't responded, even if he just responds back he's not interested.

Do people regularly just hook up and then just totally ignore the guy they hooked up with? Do people often say things like "We should do this again" without really meaning it? How much should I try to contact this guy vs. just letting it go?

I'm so accustomed to women being kind of clingy and needy that I don't really know what I should be expecting from a one time sexual encounter with a man.

 

[bijockdude]

Hey buddy some guys get off being your first..what actually did you do with him sexually and where did you meet him? that will determine if he really wants to get together again

 

[McGlashan]

I'm in the same situation, although thankfully I don't have the 'baggage' that being married brings...

 

[jensu846]

i think its very typical to not reply after a hookup. since you said you have already texted twice with no reply, I would stop now. otherwise you are gonna look clingy. Alot of guys are not into repeats and will say" lets do it again "when they dont mean it just to make it less awkward. Find another guy to play with.

 

[sixthson]

Do you mind if I ask why you waited until you were married to try out your bi side?

 

[glasvegas]

Do you mind if I ask why you waited until you were married to try out your bi side?

And you're cheating on your wife. Don't you feel remorse?

 

[palemale]

Hey, this may seem really stupid, but here goes anyway.

I'm a married 20 something who recently decided to try out my bi side. I found a guy over the internet I hooked up with and when we were done I was worried I had been so awkward he wouldn't want to see me again, but he actually made a point of saying we should do it again sometime. So then a few days later I emailed him asking if he wanted to hook up again sometime and I haven't heard back from him in a few days.

I haven't even been on the "dating" scene for several years, and I've never really done something with a guy before, so I don't know if "hey we should do this again sometime" is just something he said when we were done and that's it? If he doesn't respond to my emails, should I read something into that or am I being too impatient?

I realize that basically this situation is so generic that no one will really have any good advice for me, but I still wonder what's been other people's experience with this kind of thing. I don't want to send the guy countless emails and come across as a creep (I've only sent two) if he's just going to ignore them forever. But I also felt like he really meant that he wanted to hook up again sometime and it surprises me he hasn't responded, even if he just responds back he's not interested.

Do people regularly just hook up and then just totally ignore the guy they hooked up with? Do people often say things like "We should do this again" without really meaning it? How much should I try to contact this guy vs. just letting it go?

I'm so accustomed to women being kind of clingy and needy that I don't really know what I should be expecting from a one time sexual encounter with a man.

I wouldn't bother emailing him again. You've sent two. If he hasn't responded he's likely not interested. If he doesn't check his email regularly, or it's down for some reason, seeing three or four emails won't make him want to contact you anymore than seeing one or two. If he's interested in getting together again, he'll contact you. Otherwise, move on.

 

[shy-bi-guy]

Thanks for all your words of wisdom and whatnot. Really I think I'm just disappointed in myself and I'm projecting that disappointment on to this guy I slept with. I wish I hadn't spent so much of my life hating this side of myself and hiding it from everyone, because now I just realize that I've more or less committed to that course for the rest of my life.

It's disheartening to realize that if I ever do have sexual experiences with men it's either going to lead to complete upheaval of the relationships that already mean most to me (like with my wife), or it's going to be shallow, meaningless blowjobs and shit with random strangers who will forget about me half an hour after they've got off. I guess this situation just made me realize how lonely my situation is.

I can't share this part of myself with the people who are closest to me and I can't get close to the people who would share it with me.

 

[jjonn3]

It could be the guy just wanted a one time thing - it could be he is busy.

You said you e-mailed him - do keep in mind that not everyone checks e-mail all the time - yeah most do but a friend of mine checks his 3 or 4 times a month!

And it is also the holidays - people are busy.

So I would hang back and give it time.

But don't blame it on your performance or anything - it was the first time for all of us once.

 

[mbamike]

Stay strong my friend. You are not alone. There are plenty of guys who realized they enjoy sex with other guys after they married a female. Furthermore, there are lots of married guys on the hookup sites looking for sex with another guy.

It is not our responsibility to pass judgement on you or anyone else for that matter. It is our responsibility to care for you and your situation.

You have nothing to feel remorse or ashamed about. You are just dealing with the situation which you currently have. Just do your best.

You are exploring your sexuality. As you continue to explore, you will eventually figure out what is best for you. I wish you the best.

 

[sleepsalot]

Maybe "we should do this again sometime" meant as a casual thing, not a few days later?

 

[glasvegas]

Stay strong my friend. You are not alone. There are plenty of guys who realized they enjoy sex with other guys after they married a female. Furthermore, there are lots of married guys on the hookup sites looking for sex with another guy.

It is not our responsibility to pass judgement on you or anyone else for that matter. It is our responsibility to care for you and your situation.

You have nothing to feel remorse or ashamed about. You are just dealing with the situation which you currently have. Just do your best.

You are exploring your sexuality. As you continue to explore, you will eventually figure out what is best for you. I wish you the best.

I strongly disagree with you. But I guess you already know what I'm about to say.

Shy bi guy, that guy knows that you're married, he knows you and me will not end up further than I Fuck you, so he left. Go find another one.

 

[blackbeltninja]

I'm a married 20 something who recently decided to try out my bi side.

Okay, I'll do more of the dirty work here.

If your wife doesn't know, and you want to do it again, end the marriage.

Seriously. If she means that much to you, get out before you do her irreparable damage.

-d-

 

[blackbeltninja]

Stay strong my friend. You are not alone. There are plenty of guys who realized they enjoy sex with other guys after they married a female. Furthermore, there are lots of married guys on the hookup sites looking for sex with another guy.

It is not our responsibility to pass judgement on you or anyone else for that matter. It is our responsibility to care for you and your situation.

You have nothing to feel remorse or ashamed about. You are just dealing with the situation which you currently have. Just do your best.

You are exploring your sexuality. As you continue to explore, you will eventually figure out what is best for you. I wish you the best.

This is wrong on too many levels; I'm disgusted.

It is no wonder us bi-guys have such a terrible reputation and get so much prejudice from gay guys.

-d-

 

[sixthson]

You have nothing to feel remorse or ashamed about. You are just dealing with the situation which you currently have. Just do your best.

You are exploring your sexuality. As you continue to explore, you will eventually figure out what is best for you. I wish you the best.

He cheated on his wife. Why shouldn't he feel remorse for that?

What is best for him has to consider what is best for his wife, too. He is not a single man making decisions that concern only himself.

That men don't discovered that they are bi or gay until after they are married is really a tired old argument. I don't buy it and I doubt many others do, either. While there may be a few who would fall into that category, I'm sure the overwhelming majority of men knew they were attracted to other men long before their twenties.

 

[mbamike]

I strongly disagree with you. But I guess you already know what I'm about to say.

Shy bi guy, that guy knows that you're married, he knows you and me will not end up further than I Fuck you, so he left. Go find another one.

This is wrong on too many levels; I'm disgusted.

It is no wonder us bi-guys have such a terrible reputation and get so much prejudice from gay guys.

-d-

He cheated on his wife. Why shouldn't he feel remorse for that?

What is best for him has to consider what is best for his wife, too. He is not a single man making decisions that concern only himself.

That men don't discovered that they are bi or gay until after they are married is really a tired old argument. I don't buy it and I doubt many others do, either. While there may be a few who would fall into that category, I'm sure the overwhelming majority of men knew they were attracted to other men long before their twenties.

That is OK. We are all entitled to our own OPINIONS. I don't agree with yours. So, this is a situation where we will just have to agree to disagree.

It really doesn't matter whether you buy the "tired old argument" or not. This is his situation and his reality. There are lots of married guys in similar situations. That is reality.

It is not our place to condemn anyone. We have no right to impose our moral code on anyone else.

It is difficult enough being gay/bi in a homophobic society. More can be accomplished by giving him support and information then allow him to make his own decisions. He is an adult. Let him decide what is best for him, his wife, and his life.

The sad part is that this guy came here looking for help. What he got was rejection and criticism.

 

[sixthson]

Mike, he came here for dating advice. I have a hard time giving that to a married man.

Actually, I do have empathy for him. It's just that sometimes we don't so much need a pat on the back as we do a kick in the ass. That is true of all of us.

 

[Daximus]

Cheating on your wife is pretty low.

 

[blackbeltninja]

There are lots of married guys in similar situations. That is reality.

This being popular does not make it right.

It is not our place to condemn anyone. We have no right to impose our moral code on anyone else.

He made a VOW, on his honour, to forsake all others for his wife. We didn't make the vow on his behalf. He has imposed his own moral code on himself and should honour it himself. If he cannot uphold his own moral code, the honourable thing to do is to dissolve the contract BEFORE breaking the code. Marriage, as far as I am aware, is a legal contract.

People who break legal contracts tend to come under a shedload of fire from the people with whom the contract is shared; this case should be no different.

The sad part is that this guy came here looking for help. What he got was rejection and criticism.

This is not a no-flame zone. The OP certainly got criticism; we have not rejected him.

It is difficult enough being gay/bi in a homophobic society. More can be accomplished by giving him support and information then allow him to make his own decisions. He is an adult. Let him decide what is best for him, his wife, and his life.

He will find plenty of support here; however, supporting him is not simply agreeing with what has been done. JUB is not a place full of yes-men for hire.

I also think that cheating on his wife is not best for her. While the big picture for all of us may be coming to terms with our own sexuality, I personally think the honourable way to do so would involve as little collateral damage as possible.

My mother was cheated on, several times, by my father. I cannot in good conscience encourage the OP to continue experimenting outside his marriage while he is still in it unless he has his wife's consent to do so.

-d-

 

[bottomboytrucker]

hate to say it some of us try to hide the bi or gay thing for years and it just comes back later in life me and my wife both have this problem she wants to try being with a chick and i just cant tell her i want to try with a guy so the whole not knowing thing yea maby not but in this socity it is completly understandable that he may have just decide to act on it