Newbie looking for advice

[Araigu]

I've been reading the forums for a while now, but I need some advice here.

I am attracted to men, I'll admit that, even though it took a lot of time, I was in some sort of denial.

But on the other hand, I find little to no sexual desire for women, I mean I love to see pretty girls, and I like the whole relationship idea, and I think I've fallen in love for a couple of them before, but just without the sexual part, and I'm thinking this might be a delusion or something weird.

My sex drive is kinda erratic too, even with men, so it gets super confusing that today I like men, and tomorrow, well who knows, maybe I won't have interest in sex AT ALL.

So I was wondering, what's going on with me, am I bi but with a preference for men, or a gay that learned to appreciate qualities in women that str8 people normally do? Or am I just over analyzing things here?

I feel a bit lost, and would love to have your opinion. Thanks in advance!

 

[AngelFromAbove]

I've been reading the forums for a while now, but I need some advice here.

I am attracted to men, I'll admit that, even though it took a lot of time, I was in some sort of denial.

But on the other hand, I find little to no sexual desire for women, I mean I love to see pretty girls, and I like the whole relationship idea, and I think I've fallen in love for a couple of them before, but just without the sexual part, and I'm thinking this might be a delusion or something weird.

My sex drive is kinda erratic too, even with men, so it gets super confusing that today I like men, and tomorrow, well who knows, maybe I won't have interest in sex AT ALL.

So I was wondering, what's going on with me, am I bi but with a preference for men, or a gay that learned to appreciate qualities in women that str8 people normally do? Or am I just over analyzing things here?

I feel a bit lost, and would love to have your opinion. Thanks in advance!

Only you know what you're truly experiencing as an individual. However, from what you've described, I would have to say that you're gay or bisexual with a strong preference for men. Your story is far from unusual; plenty of gay men know how to appreciate a beautiful woman, but that does not mean that they want to have sex with them or a relationship.

Like others, you've been conditioned heavily to believe that heterosexuality is the standard, which is probably why you feel that the relationship aspect with women seems nice. However, I would not overanalyze it either; think about your sexuality to the point where you gain a better understanding of yourself, but do not obsess.

 

[KaraBulut]

Welcome to JUB. Congrats on your first post.

So I was wondering, what's going on with me, am I bi but with a preference for men, or a gay that learned to appreciate qualities in women that str8 people normally do? Or am I just over analyzing things here?

The real question is, "Why does it matter?".

If you're looking for a name for what you are or just a reassurance that you're not the only one, you will get that here because what you're describing is common and not the least bit unusual.

But playing the "what if" angle- does it change anything if you are one versus the other?

 

[Lube]

As others have said, yes, you are over-analyzing things.

You're gay. So what? It's like being left-handed. You're a minority. But you're among friends here. Welcome to the club! We all like men here.

You don't have to be straight or bi to appreciate a woman's good looks or personality. Hey, most fashion designers are gay.

Love yourself for who you are. It's the biggest lesson you'll learn in life.

 

[rareboy]

If your sexual desire is for men only, you're homosexual.

If you have sexual desire for women, you're heterosexual.

If you have sexual desire for both women and men, you're bi-sexual.

If you have no sexual desire for either males or females, you're asexual.

I know that I'm perfectly happy to be homosexual.

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB!

It seems more and more new JUBbers are posting about "I think I might be gay, but I'm not sure, because I still like women", to varying degrees. And I have no idea where this mindset came from. Yes, there's a very small subset of gay men who think girls are totally icky and won't have anything to do with them. (That subset is larger in the straight community.) But most gay men don't have any issue with women. They like them, they're friends with them, they may even become best-friends-forever who share everything. But they're not interested in getting into their pants.

Note that it's called "homosexuality", not "homolikeuality". Your sexuality isn't determined by who you want to hang out with, but by who you want to fuck. According to your post, that's guys. So that would make you homosexual. So go be homosexual, and start swapping tips with your female friends about how to give the best blow jobs.

Lex

 

[AreYouON21]

I've been reading the forums for a while now, but I need some advice here.

I am attracted to men, I'll admit that, even though it took a lot of time, I was in some sort of denial.

But on the other hand, I find little to no sexual desire for women, I mean I love to see pretty girls, and I like the whole relationship idea, and I think I've fallen in love for a couple of them before, but just without the sexual part, and I'm thinking this might be a delusion or something weird.

My sex drive is kinda erratic too, even with men, so it gets super confusing that today I like men, and tomorrow, well who knows, maybe I won't have interest in sex AT ALL.

So I was wondering, what's going on with me, am I bi but with a preference for men, or a gay that learned to appreciate qualities in women that str8 people normally do? Or am I just over analyzing things here?

I feel a bit lost, and would love to have your opinion. Thanks in advance!

Sounds exactly like me

growing up, I always had sexual desire for men ... And i've never gotten a boner off a women.... but even so, some days i wont have any sexual desires at all... depends on my mood... but every time i do have sexual desires.. its for men

In middle school i went out with a couple of girls and I actually believed that i loved them... well non sexually..... but now i realize i only like them as a friend... i think they're better friends than most guys.... well, my closest friends are usually girls so yeah =P

hope that tells you something.... thats when i was in sort of denial too

 

[Araigu]

Thanks a lot to everyone!!

I think you're right, I think I was trying to deny some stuff, but anyway I'll try to explore more about myself, that's the only way to fully understand.

Right now I'm trying to come to terms with all this, and while it isn't easy, I'm learning to accept myself as I am, who cares about how others want me to be, or think or etc. I'm the most important.

And I don't think that I fit all those misconceptions people have about gay people, but I mean, it's all a personality, sexual orientation has nothing to do with it.

So I'll try to live my life in a fuller and richer way, and I'll start by assuming things like this.

Thanks a lot to everybody, you've been very helpful!

 

[AreYouON21]

Hope you come to terms with it soon

life is much better when you dont put limit for yourself or a restraint

 

[bankside]

The thing to remember is that there is nothing shameful in appreciating someone else for their erotic characteristics. Feeling attracted to someone is a compliment to them, and a gift. And, like any good gift, it is as wonderful to give as to receive. And like any good gift, it is freely given and there is no obligation to return the gift. But it is wonderful when it's mutual!

Let that be your guide. If you feel that way with a man, accept it. If you feel that way with a woman, accept it. But you don't owe it to anyone to be attracted because they're decent, or because they're attracted to you. And faking it would only ruin it for both of you.

When you find a woman you care about, you might discover that you sincerely like her, but that you want her to find a straight man who can appreciate her in ways that you just don't connect with. Of course, the same could be true of a man you meet. It doesn't matter as long as you are honest with yourself and the people you meet along the way.

Men are incredibly sensual, wonderful, tender, passionate, caring, daring and damn they look good. If you want any of those things in your life, you will find it in another man if you look carefully. Enjoy the journey!

Oh, one more thing, no matter what orientation you are, it fades in and out, so that drive is going to be variable no matter what. There are some days you can't pry me off my guy, and other days when I'd rather watch TV. LOL.

 

[Araigu]

Sounds exactly like me

growing up, I always had sexual desire for men ... And i've never gotten a boner off a women.... but even so, some days i wont have any sexual desires at all... depends on my mood... but every time i do have sexual desires.. its for men

In middle school i went out with a couple of girls and I actually believed that i loved them... well non sexually..... but now i realize i only like them as a friend... i think they're better friends than most guys.... well, my closest friends are usually girls so yeah =P

hope that tells you something.... thats when i was in sort of denial too

I think that's my case too, I mean I think I confused the feelings I had for them, but everything will fall in place eventually, we need to give this some time, there's no need to rush, this is a process.

And I'm glad that you've left that denial behind, it won't make any good in the long run!

And about the sex drive thing, I think that's just the way we're made, we need to accept everything as it comes.

 

[Araigu]

Oh and btw, I came out to one of my friends yesterday, she's always been very supportive and comprehensive with lots of stuff before, so i thought it'd be a good idea to share this part of me with her, even though I don't have all the answers I'd like to have.

It was weird, she was kinda shocked, as if I just had crushed all her conceptions on gayness and gay people, because she seemed quite confused. I told her something about me never being what other people would consider as the standard, to what she agreed. I'm glad I did that, I'll give her some time to understand what this may or may not imply, and then I'll be ready for loads of questions, but it doesn't matter, it'll help me to realize things quicker.

Anyway, I wanted to thank you all, I feel as if I've come a long way, and I've progressed a lot in these 3 or 4 days, there's still a long road to travel, but with every passing day, I feel more ready to embrace this whole new chapter of my life.