Nightmares of a funeral

[SkinnyBoi87]

Okay, I usually don't post my problems out like this, but I need help with this one. My grandpa died on July 28th of this year, and we laid him to rest on Saturday August 1st. He was a veteran, so he had a military rites funeral, and lately when I go to sleep, I'll be asleep for a couple hours, and then I start hearing the 21 gun salute going off in my head, and it wakes me from a dead sleep.

Then I go back to sleep, but it happens again. I haven't been able to get a good night's sleep for almost a week now, and it's starting to interfere with my schooling. Does anyone have any ideas on how to deal with these nightmares?

Thanks in advance

 

[BearMagus]

You're still dealing with the loss and anxiety of losing your grandfather I would assume. In time this should go away as you adjust to the loss.

 

[SkinnyBoi87]

You know, I haven't thought of that. I mean, it all just happened so quick, and with the preparations with the funeral and everything, I didn't really say my goodbyes. When I lost my great-grandmother back in May, before we left the cemetery, I said my goodbyes and such to her, and her death didn't haunt me at all. With my grandfather's funeral, we had the service, went to the grave site, and that was it. I really didn't get a chance to say my goodbyes. I'll try that & let you know what happens

 

[seven2go]

If you haven't cried yet.......do what you have to do........but CRY..........

 

[Huskerboy]

One of the things I tell my client families is that it's important to realize and understand that just because you're having these dreams, or these feelings, that you're not losing your mind. Chances are, other people in your family are having a difficult time dealing with this, too. Please give yourself time to deal with things. Your grandfather's funeral was only a couple of days ago, and you're obviously trying to deal with your feelings the best you know how - even in your dreams. In addition, military honors at the cemetery are a powerful and emotional part of a funeral service. I've seen countless men go through an entire funeral without shedding a tear, only to break down and cry like a baby when military honors are given. It even touches the hearts of those who deal with death and dying everyday. So be easy on yourself. There is no RIGHT or WRONG way to grieve the loss of a loved one. Grief is journey we all must take, and each of us grieves in our own way, at our own pace, and in our own time.

Some of the other guys have given you some good feedback and some good ideas here. Try them and see what happens. Working through ones grief can be a lot of work, and the stages one goes through are defined and very different. The important thing to remember is not to let yourself get 'stuck' in any one stage of the grieving process. If you feel something like that is happening, talk with someone. Get it out and work through it. (If you're up for some light reading, do a search for 'stages of grief' and read through some of the theories that deal with what you're going through.)

I'm sorry to learn of your grandfather's passing. The loss of a loved one can be a very difficult time. It's important to take care of yourself and be patient with yourself. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or concerns, or if you want more information.

Take care

 

[SkinnyBoi87]

Thanks guys. I've broken down a couple times, but I think I'm just exhausted. I was there on Tuesday before he died, all day taking care of him, then I went home to get cleaned up, only to have to race back in town, cause my grandma called and told me he was going, but I didn't make it in time. It all just doesn't seem real.

 

[Txgoodoldboy]

The above postings are good advice. I have found that a person can control his dreams. When you go to bed, tell yourself, how you would like to handle the situation. Do this in your mind, but don't get caught up in the dialogue in your mind, keep it simple. When you get to sleep, and start to have the dream, you will realize you are dreaming about the situation. Then, take control of how you want to dream to turn out. Say goodbye, or however, you want it to end.

 

[jhnphilipps]

Thanks guys. I've broken down a couple times, but I think I'm just exhausted. I was there on Tuesday before he died, all day taking care of him, then I went home to get cleaned up, only to have to race back in town, cause my grandma called and told me he was going, but I didn't make it in time. It all just doesn't seem real.

dude, pls accept my condolences. my mom passed away july 27th OF THIS YEAR; she was cremated on her birthday, august 1st. what sucked for me was that i talked to her via speaker phone july 27th @ 9:27AM; she cried after hearing my voice-now i would never know why she cried. because she passed away @9:30AM.
my voice was the last thing she heard before breathing her last. talking to my five brothers and three sisters about all these help me ease the situation a little bit. like you, to me it all felt so surreal.

i hope things get better for you; and, i know it will. give it some time.

 

[bankside]

Thanks guys. I've broken down a couple times, but I think I'm just exhausted. I was there on Tuesday before he died, all day taking care of him, then I went home to get cleaned up, only to have to race back in town, cause my grandma called and told me he was going, but I didn't make it in time. It all just doesn't seem real.

This memory is coming upon you to help it seem real. It is important to you. You might find it is not the memory keeping you awake, but the struggle to push it away.

If you wake up suddenly with that thought in mind, hold it there for a minute instead of trying to get on with the night's sleep. Think of what your grandpa means to you, and go to sleep again with a happy memory from the time you had as his grandson.

It is fitting that you think of him so often at this time! Does your grandma know you made it back as soon as possible? I think that is all your grandpa would have asked you to do at a time like that, and I'll bet your grandma would agree.

Take care.

 

[Yooper]

Exactly one month ago I was summoned to the Nursing Home where I had the opportunity to hold my Grandmother's hand as she breathed her last and buried her 6 days later.

It was not an unexpected event and everyone tells me I'm doing just fine. Getting all the affairs in order, paying the last bills, etc. as I'm the one that has been in charge of it all for four years now.

I understand how the OP feels.

The sleepless nights, the strange feelings that I thought I wouldn't have.

Just today I was sitting at a traffic signal, minding my own business when this sudden wave of sadness came over me out of the blue. I actually had to pull into a nearby parking lot and collect myself before I could continue driving. Totally unexpected, but actually a normal reaction to the grieving process.

I've been told this will happen for a while. Hang in there, it does get better. I hope.