badness1002
On the Prowl
well, the sort of boyfriend is causing me so much stress. he has had a gf now for some time, and they are getting pretty serious. this fact is killing me. everytime i close my eyes i just have this image of them together, always in a romantic situation. every dream lately has been me stuck in a room while they have sex and i desperately try to escape. its killing me. i cant even look at him, which causes problems cuz we are best friends ... who just kinda fooled around a little. but yeah, i mean, i try my best not to think of him and me as together anymore, but he always manages to do something that changes that. i havent been feeling well these past few days and he has taken care of me and such. the past weekend we shared a room on vacation (not a romantic vacation ... kind of a forced one with some other friends, anyways) and he jerked off in his sleep, moaning and all. EVEN IN HIS FRIKKIN SLEEP HE'S DRIVING ME WILD! so i mean, its really hard to stop thinking of him that way when he keeps enforcing it. and, knowing full and well that he turns me on, he keeps joking about sex, but when i do he freaks out. then one day we will be all hot and heavy then the next he is joe straight guy. which i have decided to stop fooling around with him, but somehow or another, we end up doing it before i realize. last time he was massaging my leg, (recent injury), and 'accidentally' ran his hands up my pants ... oops. so, one way or another we end up fooling around. i would be ok if i could get him out of my mind. but once i do, he gets all upset and calls me crying telling me how much he loves me but can't be what i need him to be ... a lover ... so i continually fall for him, which was ok when he wasnt with anyone. but now he is and its getting serious and he has real feelings for her. but with me, we have very real feelings, and its obvious that he wants us to be together, but the fact that i am a guy conflicts with him. so instead i just get to be driven crazy ... hoorah ...