No confidence in the sack

[insensato]

I'm not sure if this thread should go under wellbeing or relationships but ive chosen this forum. Anyway, I'm a 19 year old student, not exactly bad looking, slim, 6 foot 3 inches tall and have started to think about getting into a relationship, or even just a casual thing. The thing is, I lost my virginity to my friend when i was 12, i carried on sleeping with him quite regularly to the age of 18. However during that time I only slept with one other guy on numerous occasions and fooled around with a couple more. But in the past 11 months I've only had sex once, and it was a one off. I understand I started very young, but i used to have such confidence and didnt worry about what i was doing, if i was doing it right and so on, but now I'm so worried about sex. The last guy i slept with was a few weeks ago and that was the first time since january. My confidence has totally gone and i feel that ive no idea what im doing anymore. He had all these moves and did things totally different to the way I done them. The guy i slept with from the age of 12 did everything with me, i mean we done every position and every different thing you can do basically. So now I'm scared about being rubbish in bed, any tips?

 

[SilverRRCloud]

You want to lose that fear right away. Being a great sex-technician is both vastly overrated and very much depending on your own prospective on the matter.

You want to add some lightness to all of this. You do not have to perform and make anyone see the stars. You are doing what feels good to you, and are hoping that it feels good to them, too.

Sex is a an extended form of communication, too. So, if your partner does not know how to communicate his wishes and desires, well, he'll have to pay the price for his ignorance. And so will you, should this be the case.

Reject any notion of an obligation to perform to a certain standard. You are a guy looking for some sex and once you hook up with other dude, you'll sort of negotiate your way through the experience. You are not an escort boy, who is being paid to provide his client with 'a stellar blowjob' or 'mega-anything' for that matter.

In years of hooking up with dudes for sex, I have so far, met only 2 dudes, who are a class above everybody else, when it comes to their technique. Absolutely awesome. I sure did enjoy the experience and one of them became a buddy of mine, too.

If given a choice of hooking up with someone, who lacks the experience, technique and knowledge but is willing to do his best to make if fun for both of us and someone who commands awesome technique alone, trust me, I'd go for the former rather than for the latter. Sex is supposed to be fun and joy. Not an exercise in superb technical prowess.

SC

 

[bluehorizon]

great answer SilverRRCloud...lol

 

[justsimon]

Just relax.

 

[jaydizzo]

You want to lose that fear right away. Being a great sex-technician is both vastly overrated and very much depending on your own prospective on the matter.

You want to add some lightness to all of this. You do not have to perform and make anyone see the stars. You are doing what feels good to you, and are hoping that it feels good to them, too.

Sex is a an extended form of communication, too. So, if your partner does not know, how to communicate his wishes and desires, well, he'll have to pay the price for his ignorance. And so will you, should this be the case.

Reject any notion of an obligation to perform to a certain standard. You are a guy looking for some sex and once you hook up with other dude, you'll sort of negotiate your way through the experience. You are not an escort boy, who is being paid to provide his client with 'a stellar blowjob' or 'mega-anything' for that matter.

In years of hooking up with dudes for sex, I have so far, met only 2 dudes, who are a class above everybody else, when it comes to their technique. Absolutely awesome. I sure did enjoy the experience and one of them became a buddy of mine, too.

If given a choice of hooking up with someone, who lacks the experience, technique and knowledge but is willing to do his best to make if fun for both of us and someone who commands awesome technique alone, trust me, I'd go for the former rather than for the latter. Sex is supposed to be fun and joy. Not an exercise in superb technical prowess.

SC

so very true

 

[NineOfClubs]

I really wanted to help you, then SilverRRcloud responded.... (He's good!)

Anyway, a lot of guys only have sex trying to mimic what they've seen in porn. It would be better if they were trying to do what they really felt like doing, but they're unaware of that, unfortunately.....

 

[radioian]

Everyone does different things--do something back to your partner, he may not have experienced it--relax, everyone does things differently......

 

[TygreBryte]

What they all said! SRRRC really got it when he talked about sex as being exploration, communication, and pleasure/play. The way I think about it sometimes, is to focus on the fact that good sex is something you do *with* someone, not something you're doing *to* someone, or something being "done to" you.

If I were you, I'd spend some time thinking about the fun you had with your earlier lovers. What all made that fun? Can you still have that in your life?