No physical arousal.

[Centipede]

Howdy, this is something I've been paying attention to for about half a year and I think it's gone overboard now.

Around 33 (I'm 34 now) I stopped getting normal boners. They just stopped, no matter what I did sexually, what kind of porn I watched or which hot guy I got to see naked in my bed. There was an absolute disconnect with my body and mind, I could be observing someone really attractive but nothing would happen below the belt, not even a tingle. Nada. When being in a sexual situation, my mind/brain would go to your natural "horny mode" but again, I would remain numb below the belt. If a hot guy hit on me, or tried to fool around with me, the same thing; no reaction below the belt. No physical arousal whatsoever. Not even butterflies in my stomach or the side of euphoria that comes with being horny. Not even the warmth, breathing or elevated heart beat that comes with this desire.

I've had to push myself to jerk off and have reached climax but was limp throughout the whole session - this has made me feel extremely down and embarrassed.

I do get hard from time to time now, but it's different. Not like before, I either have to put porn on and really push myself or I have to have someone else stroke me for minutes before I can get (half) an erection. I've become frustrated and refuse to believe that a body-change this drastic can take place over night, is this really natural or could I be going through something else?

I've dabbled with drugs in the past but never really abused them and this change took place at a time where I wasn't even smoking weed.

I sleep very well, I run, do yoga and lift regularly while maintaining a pretty decent diet, my job isn't stressful (Postmates) either. I do silently think to myself that this lack of libido stage I'm currently going through stems from being traumatized in my early thirties, as that has also hit my creativity fucking tremendously. But I don't know, I've just become really frustrated from this because I can't have sex with my own husband who is gorgeous af or even get hard when trying to be frisky with him. You could place a go-go dancer or Hugh Jackman in front of me and my dick would still be dead limp.

I guess where I hit rock bottom was a run I did a couple weeks ago where I totally came in my joggers - I was doing my last sprint when it creeped out of me and the feeling was intense, it wasn't the feeling of a climax/orgasm either, it felt like small iron rod/stick going in and out of my urethra, it was very discomforting but being at the peek of my sprint allowed me to keep the discomfort under control. Growing up I never had a wet dream and I've never in my life precummed either so this came as a v. big surprise.

At first I had the thought that I had some type of STD, but that's impossible considering it'd been weeks (months, I think). Since my husband and I had any type of sex (also, no sex with anyone else either for that matter).

There was just no way I could have had any type of STD considering the last time I was in the hospital I was checked for everything, but unfortunately I came up with a false positive for Gonorrhea (Again, which was BS because my husband and I still weren't having sex due to my lack of sex drive around that time, too).

Anyway, It wasn't till I got home and took my joggers off that I realized it was all jizz and not some type of STD discharge. I then realized I hadn't masturbated in weeks either and assumed it was my body pushing out what I couldn't, and again, this made me feel really shitty. I try to masturbate more than once a week now, but the lack of a full erection while stroking myself leaves me upset by the end of it.

So, basically, I feel like I have no libido - should I get checked and if I do how do I even approach my doctor about this? My husband says I should do testosterone shots or take boner pills, but like, I'm fucking thirty-four and feel that to be unnecessary. He's still waking up with incredible morning woods every morning and is fourty-four... Am I being delusional?

I forgot to mention the sensitivity down there (I'm not circumcised) is mostly gone, along with the sensitivity in my nipples and anus).

 

[KaraBulut]

What you are describing would not be typical for guys your age. What would be normal is fewer NARBs (no apparent reason boner) and fewer morning erections. Generally, men in their 30s should not see the dramatic decline that you have described.

Are you on any medications- in particular, antidepressants?

 

[Centipede]

Absolutely not - for a very long while I did become paranoid that maybe anti-depressants or certain types of meds were being put in my food but I never did anything about it because that thought alone was too ludicrous for me to entertain... However, I've been looking up at the side-effects a lot of anti-depressants have and they nail what I've been currently going through.

All I take is 1 vitamin and Truvada (prevention) a day. I've never been on any mood stabilizer, anti-depressant or drug. I don't even really take ibuprofen. During this process of no sex or boners I was also shitting myself and had poor control of my sphincter. I really don't know what that was all about, the shitting has stopped, but the lack of sex drive/boners still continues.

Thank you for replying.

 

[sixthson]

You need to see your doctor and have a complete physical exam which will include lab work. I'm sure the more anxious you get, the worse the problem becomes. There is nothing you posted here that you couldn't also tell a doctor. No one here should really give you any medical advice and neither should your husband. Leave that to a real physician. Let us know how it goes.

 

[KaraBulut]

Absolutely not - for a very long while I did become paranoid that maybe anti-depressants or certain types of meds were being put in my food but I never did anything about it because that thought alone was too ludicrous for me to entertain... However, I've been looking up at the side-effects a lot of anti-depressants have and they nail what I've been currently going through.

Exactly- what you're describing is oddly similar to side effects of anti-depressants in some men.

You need to see your doctor and have a complete physical exam which will include lab work.

^This is the advice I'm going to give you. It's time for a physical, lab work and maybe a referral to a specialist, depending on what the lab work shows.

There's a lot of very common conditions that have these symptoms and it's a matter of running tests to figure out which of the possible causes it may be.

Let us know how it goes.

 

[Centipede]

You need to see your doctor and have a complete physical exam which will include lab work. I'm sure the more anxious you get, the worse the problem becomes. There is nothing you posted here that you couldn't also tell a doctor. No one here should really give you any medical advice and neither should your husband. Leave that to a real physician. Let us know how it goes.

Exactly- what you're describing is oddly similar to side effects of anti-depressants in some men.


^This is the advice I'm going to give you. It's time for a physical, lab work and maybe a referral to a specialist, depending on what the lab work shows.

There's a lot of very common conditions that have these symptoms and it's a matter of running tests to figure out which of the possible causes it may be.

Let us know how it goes.

I'm planning on seeing my doctor soon, I guess I fear that this is a permanent change I'll have no control over.

I'll let you guys know how it goes. Thank you again.

 

[peeonme]

I do hope that you will see a doctor and tell them everything. I wanted to ask if you have been in an accident or had any sort of trauma... the bowel incontinence accompanied with the ED raises some red flags about nerve damage of some kind.

 

[KaraBulut]

I'm planning on seeing my doctor soon, I guess I fear that this is a permanent change I'll have no control over.

I'll let you guys know how it goes. Thank you again.

Just to reassure you... there are normal aging things that happen with sexual performance but they are gradual. When we hear someone say that things have suddenly changed, then we start looking for a cause. It can be something as common as a hormonal imbalance or high blood pressure, etc that affects performance. When we treat the cause, then libido and performance often improve as a secondary effect.

 

[SC6201]

Do you still get occasional morning wood?...if not that is a basic sign of ED that needs to be addressed and is often an indicator between just natural physical changes of getting older and an actual problem that needs to be assessed.

 

[Centipede]

Do you still get occasional morning wood?...if not that is a basic sign of ED that needs to be addressed and is often an indicator between just natural physical changes of getting older and an actual problem that needs to be assessed.

No, but my husband does every morning and they're total winner boners (he's in his forties) - he did bring up something I found curious when he told me that I'm hard as a rock late at night when I'm deep asleep. This seems to be the only time I'm ever hard.

I don't think I have erectile dysfunction, I think whatever is happening could be psychological? Considering all the arousal happens in my head but nothing below the belt. Sometimes I do feel pleasure around my anus the way I used to (this has been very recent), but again, nowhere near as before. I've tried temperature changes, grinding (lmao) but no feel-good sensations. Just no pleasure. I haven't bottomed in for-fucking-ever because of the lack of sex drive, but I'm thinking maybe I should try playing with a toy?

I worry considering I'm uncut and my head is not sensitive at all anymore, that used to be one of my weakest spots and now it's just another piece of skin, I can scrub it in the shower or tug on it while it's exposed and nowhere near the sensitivity I used to have. The times where I am having an semi erection I push against it and no sensation either, this one worries me a lot, too.

I do hope that you will see a doctor and tell them everything. I wanted to ask if you have been in an accident or had any sort of trauma... the bowel incontinence accompanied with the ED raises some red flags about nerve damage of some kind.

I saw a doctor, he asked if I would be interested in Viagra and I declined. I will be doing some blood tests tomorrow, I did a couple swabs today. I'm a bit scared.

The bowels have improved, although still runny or mushy but I think that's possibly because I've reduced my meat intake dramatically.

I haven't been in any type of accident, however I did go through something that traumatized me that I've worked through with a therapist. I've heard that with meth use something like this is possible, but I was never an abuser of that or any drug that I've experimented with in the past and these symptoms showed up way later when I wasn't using anything at all - unless if somehow drugs stay in your system and bite your ass later.

I know this is silly and maybe shallow, but this has caused me a lot of depression. Not being able to satisfy my husband or even have an occasional jack-off session like I used to.

Thanks for the reply and help, guys.

There's something I wanted to also add but didn't sooner as I didn't want to sound crazier than I do in my other posts, but through this whole change there were maybe 3 slightly bizarre experiences where I did become completely horned to the bone and aroused, but it was nearly uncontrollable and nothing like I've ever experienced before.

The first experience happened in my apartment at around 2 - 3AM; I woke up with an elevated heart-beat, my breathing was heavy, body heat was above normal and my jaw was shaking. I had to jack off 4 times and even then I couldn't go back to bed. The other two times the same thing happened while I was out with my husband, but I was wide awake - it was the same thing: jaw shaking intensely, breathing erratic and a heavy challenge in settling myself down... What the fuck is this all about? I've done sex work and have always been proud of the control I have during sexual situations but that part of me was M.I.A during these 3 experiences.

 

[ChristianGianni]

You did the right thing man, getting your blood-work done is essential in getting ANY indication of what may be going on.
Keep us posted.

Sending you good wishes.

 

[darian]

I've heard that with meth use something like this is possible, but I was never an abuser of that or any drug that I've experimented with in the past and these symptoms showed up way later when I wasn't using anything at all - unless if somehow drugs stay in your system and bite your ass later.

It's perfectly natural to be upset and anxious when something changes radically in our lives: trust that you will get through this one way or another and find a way forward.

There are some anti-depressants that kill libido, which still have a sexual impact even after stopping treatment: it's probably because the brain has been changed by the chemical. There are treatments to help regain that lost sexual ability. I also suspect some drugs get stored in fat deposits and then get released at a future time as the body cycles through reserves, retriggering their original effect.

Similarly, if your symptoms are a known side effect of meth use, even though you may not have abused it, it is quite possible it has still changed your brain in some ways. The good and bad thing about the brain is that it is somewhat plastic and some things that have been changed can be changed back. The difficulty is that the medical profession still do not fully understand how this all works, so whilst a definitive treatment may not be possible, there will be some things they can try. The positive aspect is that you have mentioned regaining some sexual sensitivity, so I would say you just need time to reset the software. Trust your body's ability to rebalance or reprogram naturally over time and don't force it to a timetable.

Regarding the concern about satisfying your partner, there are many ways to do that than with a hard dick and it doesn't make you any less worthy as a partner. The objective is satisfaction done with love, right, not how that is done?

Best wishes for a professional diagnosis of what is happening and a suitable treatment program and try not to worry about it: the only constant in life is change and we do need to better accept that, than believing we will be bulletproof and experiencing exactly the same in the future.

I never expected to be struck down with Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia that effectively killed my sexuality for 14 years and counting (try generating friskiness when your muscles are aching like you have the flu, constantly), but we adapt to changing circumstances and it's generally not the end of the world, although it may seem like it at the time.

 

[Centipede]

It's perfectly natural to be upset and anxious when something changes radically in our lives: trust that you will get through this one way or another and find a way forward.

There are some anti-depressants that kill libido, which still have a sexual impact even after stopping treatment: it's probably because the brain has been changed by the chemical. There are treatments to help regain that lost sexual ability. I also suspect some drugs get stored in fat deposits and then get released at a future time as the body cycles through reserves, retriggering their original effect.

Similarly, if your symptoms are a known side effect of meth use, even though you may not have abused it, it is quite possible it has still changed your brain in some ways. The good and bad thing about the brain is that it is somewhat plastic and some things that have been changed can be changed back. The difficulty is that the medical profession still do not fully understand how this all works, so whilst a definitive treatment may not be possible, there will be some things they can try. The positive aspect is that you have mentioned regaining some sexual sensitivity, so I would say you just need time to reset the software. Trust your body's ability to rebalance or reprogram naturally over time and don't force it to a timetable.

Regarding the concern about satisfying your partner, there are many ways to do that than with a hard dick and it doesn't make you any less worthy as a partner. The objective is satisfaction done with love, right, not how that is done?

Best wishes for a professional diagnosis of what is happening and a suitable treatment program and try not to worry about it: the only constant in life is change and we do need to better accept that, than believing we will be bulletproof and experiencing exactly the same in the future.

I never expected to be struck down with Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia that effectively killed my sexuality for 14 years and counting (try generating friskiness when your muscles are aching like you have the flu, constantly), but we adapt to changing circumstances and it's generally not the end of the world, although it may seem like it at the time.

This is a fantastic reply, thank you. I'm staying optimistic, I'm being patient and hoping that things will go back to how they used to be or at least get better for me. I'm pushing myself to masturbate more, with our without porn and I'm not sure if it's helped. I'm just really glad that I'm not limp while stroking to climax anymore - going through that really fucked me up lol.

I went through a failed suicide attempt during 2016 (first and last time I ever tried to take my life) and was admitted to a ward-like hospital (major depression/51/50) where I did have to take anti-depressants (nobody told me I could refuse so I just took them). I was given only about a small handful of pills (Zoloft, if I recall). This was not a prescription, it was given to me by the doctors in that hospital but I never took them after I left as I wasn't depressed but reacting to something pretty shitty that I was going through.

When I began taking therapy at Kaiser Permanente the option to get a full prescription of Zoloft was given to me but I decided not to go through with it as I was absolutely sure I didn't need them. I had taken the small amount of Zoloft given to me in that ward for maybe a week and a half; I don't think it was enough for the chemicals to stay in my system and the course of time where I took Zoloft wasn't long enough for me to notice any difference in my body or mind.

Since then the only medication I've taken regularly is Truvada for prevention and a daily vitamin.

I also got my results back and everything came out normal, there was a section from the lab tests that indicated my libido was low but for the most part my results were pretty good, apparently I'm hella healthy.

Maybe it's all psychological and I'm losing my mind? The urine test results and the lab work would have indicated if any shady chemicals were in my body, right? Maybe I should've done these tests back when it was really bad and I was jizzing my pants during my runs.

Thanks again for the reply, I wanted to ask if your sex drive has been gone for that long and if it has been, how has it changed your life and how do you cope with it? I have found all of this to be such an incredible challenge as my creativity (I'm an artist), even now, suffered dramatically as well.

 

[darian]

Thanks again for the reply, I wanted to ask if your sex drive has been gone for that long and if it has been, how has it changed your life and how do you cope with it? I have found all of this to be such an incredible challenge as my creativity (I'm an artist), even now, suffered dramatically as well.

I believe the anti-depressant most implicated in ongoing sexual dysfunction is Venlafaxine (eg Effexor), but it's amazing how many anti-depressants quote sexual dysfunction as possible side effects.

However, anti-depressants are useful to many in stabilising mood and reducing suicidal ideation, for which it is presumably better to have someone alive with a sexual problem than dead. IMO, we should be doing more to improve the lives of people than simply treating depression symptoms as I believe depression in some cases is a consequence of an inability to deal with a life situation, so what is important is to deal with the cause.

It's great you are taking an optimistic approach and that your medical tests came back as normal in most respects.

I baffle the medical profession since tests show I am an otherwise healthy person, yet I am crippled with Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia. It's curious that I suddenly developed CFS immediately after a month long course of Combivir in which I was sick on the drug with symptoms similar to CFS, but no-one will suggest a link between the two. The Combivir was probably not necessary, but the medical profession wanted to be safe after I had a borderline unsafe sex experience and I did not develop HIV, but CFS instead.

In answer to your question about my sex drive, it's a bit complicated: I never have had a huge sex drive but the CFS killed much of the remaining interest, much like you don't usually feel like having sex when you have the flu. I tell people that CFS for me is like having the flu that never ends: merely gets a bit better or a bit worse in cycles. Interestingly, when I catch a cold, cough or the flu but before experiencing the symptoms, I experience a sudden spike in libido and get extremely horny for a short period of time. I often joke that when I suddenly get horny, I know I am about to develop a cough, cold or the flu. It's not a particularly nice way to live, but there doesn't seem to be anything the medical profession can do for me, so I have just learned to live with it as best I can and to develop a more philosophical approach to life.

I have also experienced Anhedonia (ie no joy) for most of my life and sex for me doesn't hold much enjoyment, so I am not a regular guy who can really relate his experience to your situation. I get stimulated and excited but I don't get much sensation beyond that and whilst I do ejaculate, I don't get an orgasm that most men experience, so it's kind of a dud experience for me, like having a sneeze instead of a flock of sparrows fly out of my arse. I have to deal with envy constantly, regarding what I see other men experience: it's not unrealistic expectations due to porn either as I see partners in my past physically experiencing an orgasm that I don't experience in the same way.

Consequently, I have had different expectations to most men when it comes to sexuality: sort of a half-life, so when I developed CFS and sexuality virtually disappeared for me, it was coming from an already lower level than most men and thus was probably easier to deal with (not to say that it is easy) as I was not losing as much as a "normal" man would under the same circumstances. Nevertheless, it was still a loss and the grief has to be worked through like any other loss.

I have been a loner much of my life as well, so it hasn't had as much impact as it would to a more social guy in a relationship, as I haven't had to deal so much with the impact of my situation on another person.

I don't think you are losing your mind: the medical profession is very limited in what it can successfully treat or understand. We are still just throwing chemicals at the human body in the hope that one might have a beneficial effect, but its mainly trial and error still with little understanding behind it. What you are experiencing is real for you, as unpleasant as it might seem at the moment in comparison to what you previously experienced.

Lead a healthy lifestyle, don't dabble with drugs, try to relax more and trust that your body will regain its equilibrium in time, although be aware that you will naturally lose ability slowly with increasing age.

In the movie "Doctor Strange", one of the key sayings of the wise "ancient one" is to surrender your ego. I'm finding that to be a theme in many areas: not fighting against that which you can't control, but going with the flow and using it to forge a new path more under one's own control that is not just about us.

Perhaps you could take the opportunity of this change in your life to explore other forms of sexual experience such as prostate orgasms (Aneros Forums good for this) or Tantric sex. Maybe this is an opportunity in disguise to explore different areas of creativity, to what you have pursued so far, as an artist. Isn't art basically an expression of yourself, as you are, at any point in time? It's bound to change.

From my own experience, my situation has forced me to retire early and I'm now experiencing the life of a much older person, before my time, which is quite an eye-opener.