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Noni the Nutty Chav of Newport

Is this the Noni appreciation support group? A WHOLE MONTH! It feels like someone just cancelled Christmas. :cry:

Roll on 2007. ](*,)
 
Noni, being the dedicated chav that he is, has chained himself to the doors of the Welsh Assembly in protest at the proposed closure of the Burberry Factory in South Wales. Wearing nowt but a Burberry posing pouch and matching scarf, he cleverly left enough chain free to be able to perform 'Cartwheels for Stella' (according to the sign beside the burberry cap on the pavement) but not so cleverly, he lost the key down a drain after a splendid triple cartwheel/forward roll combo in a bid to secure a four pack after a disappointingly slow Saturday night.

Burberry were unavailable for comment, but a senior member of the Welsh Assembly joined passers-by and declared "Nice arse - for a daft chav cunt."

This year's Turner Prize Judges were rumoured to be looking 'favourably' at the empty Stella cans and Lambert and Butler packs noni has fashioned into a temporary shelter. If he wins he says he'll splash out on some bolt-cutters. And some Stella. And... some fags (form a queue!)

Police tonight asked a doctor from Cardiff and a bald man from Bristol to move along and stop taunting the young chav by pulling a pack of ciggies attached to some fishing line past him at speed and then stopping when the pack was just beyond his reach.

The sick cunts...

Pay them no heed noni - you keep on cartwheeling lad :=D:


:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

This is the funniest - and wittiest - post I've read this year! Well done, PH, you've got all the characters spot-on.

A sort of cross between Private Eye and The Two Ronnies. British humour rocks!
 
^^ PixelHerder I f...ing loved your post. You know him so well. are you related or are you just standing in for him until he is released?
 
No, no relation - other than maybe some Celtic blood I s'pose.

I did help him with his "Will perform tricks for beer" sign.

I say helped :rolleyes: ... I let him use my crayon.




I understand he's crossed out beer and put 'snout'...





Seriously though - Missing ya noni (*8*) :(
 
Bumped for Noni's benefit - I saw him - he ran in - tried to cover his face with a hoody - but I know it was him cause I now can't find my lighter.
 
I spotted him too, at least I think it was him. I was going to go out to get some beer but when I got to the shop I found my wallet was missing and they had sold out of Stella ;)
 
I saw Noni earlier with a slab of Stella under each arm and a carton of Lambert and Butler in his mouth.

He dropped a couple of packs of ciggies but I guess he didn't hear me shouting over the noise of the sirens :confused:

Jeez he's fast! :eek:
 
I spotted him too, at least I think it was him. I was going to go out to get some beer but when I got to the shop I found my wallet was missing and they had sold out of Stella ;)

On evaluation of the cctv footage it appears that the Stella dissapeared with no money changing hands. The police are now on the lookout for a person code named "The Burberry Blur" based on his attire and rapid escape.
 
so was noni really around today? why is he hiding??? where, oh where is he? i even got something for him for chav-xmas...it's about a foot long and resides in my pants.
 
(...) i even got something for him for chav-xmas...it's about a foot long and resides in my pants.
224113.jpg
 
ugh...how many times are you gonna use that pic? actually belamy, mr. smartass, this is what i have for noni...and none for you. cause i'm not a ho'. well i am but i don't take cash for it just "gifts". anyway i'll give u a clue as to what my gift for noni is...

you have to put a chav condom on it first.

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condom.jpg
 
you know what i like about you, you spanish ho' bag? the fact that you have an endless supply of poop pics at your disposal. even a spanish intellectual snob knows the value of a good poop joke.

but seriously belamy...you were jealous of my love for noni so you had him killed didn't you??
 
Awww! I'm so touched - Inwood was being a gentleman by informing you I wasn't gonna be back till after Xmas - what he actually meant was I is skint and got cut off.!oops!

Fortunately, our mam stepped in and sorted me connection out for me - only coz she wants me qualified and shipped to another country. :cry:

And thanks for the condom james:kiss:
 
see you told me before your internet got cut off too but i didn't wanna say it publicly cause belamy woulda just made a tastless joke...probably involving poop.

glad you's back baby. when me and my roomie run out of money we just steal our neighbor's welfare checks...she's got a bunch of kids so it's good money. you should do the same. :)
 
see you told me before your internet got cut off too but i didn't wanna say it publicly cause belamy woulda just made a tastless joke...probably involving poop.

glad you's back baby. when me and my roomie run out of money we just steal our neighbor's welfare checks...she's got a bunch of kids so it's good money. you should do the same. :)


Is Bellamy still alive? Shit! :eek:

Missed you too my little street-urchin! :kiss:
 
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